family, friends, aquaintances and other moochers

[madmarine]

Is it just me or are there others out there like me.

I work hard, do the best i can and the minute we start to get ahead a little her comes all these who think you owe them something. Here they come with the hard luck stories and there hands out.

[bookwormom]

not family, thank God, they are hard workers. But some aquaintences. Unfortunately a lot of us have a speech impediment, we can't say NO.

[madmarine]

so true but the word is getting easier and easier the older i get.

beginning to think its time to grab the BOB, jump in the BOV and head for the high country.



[Removed excess white space]

[Katrina-Sisu]

We're poor and still have family (hubby's) try to get stuff out of us, especially favors. Even extended family we haven't talked to in forever only contact us when they want something.

Good thing my Mom taught me to stand up for myself and not be a welcome mat. :D

I hate people who do junk like that.

Kat

[docsoos]

It would come back to haunt them in a SHTF situation.

They'd be the FIRST to come knocking when things headed South, and I'd be the FIRST to PUT THEM TO WORK around the homestead, earning their keep.

Do the soul some good to see that.......

DocSoos

[otobesane1]

I worked for Marriott Corporation for 19 years. No a week would pass that one of my "friends" or a family member or a friend of a friend would call me and chat me up for a few minutes before finally asking if I could get them a discounted room somewhere. For the last 5 years I've worked for an independent hotel with no brand affiliation and only one location. Funny, I seem to have few relatives and even fewer "friends" who call. Ahhhhhh...peace and quiet.

TK

[msta999]

I use to have that problem with a couple family members. It wasn't easy, but I did learn to say no. Towards the end, one would even put his family in a position, where I couldn't say no, but I got over that too. Told him he needed to learn to take care of himself and his family. Didn't do any good, but he doesn't call me anymore. Haven't talked to my brother in about eight years, which is ok with me. Don't plan on talking to him in the near future either.

[HockeyFan]

I'm learning to never make things so comfortable for them. We're making them feel guilty if they stay very long, getting them to do chores. Before long, it's just not comfortable enough for them to stay and they move on.
In some cases, I just come out and say "no" and explain that they burned the bridge the "last time".

[JakeLeg]

Is it just me or are there others out there like me.

I work hard, do the best i can and the minute we start to get ahead a little her comes all these who think you owe them something. Here they come with the hard luck stories and there hands out.




Brother in Law is a lifelong couch surfer. Not interested in getting a job, still at 38 years old. Told my wife that he wants to move up to our area. I put my foot down and said that we're not a hotel, that he can stay at our place only if he's (a) actively looking for a job with applications submitted and interviews already lined up, and (b) has appointments to look at an apartment of his own with 1st, last, & security already in hand.

None of this "I'll stay at your place and then grab a Help Wanted section..."

No way. We have far too much going on and he's far too old to be babysat and waited on.

I understand if someone's really really down on their luck, but that person must be a born go-getter who has demonstrated such in the past, who really has run into hard times. That's understood. But the person who a lazy SOB, and has demonstrated such time and time again gets no sympathy from me.

[HockeyFan]

Sometimes family are the worst. Sometimes you just have to be honest and say "we just can't afford to be supporting someone who wont pull their own weight and is going to be a financial drain on us". "You can visit for Christmas or Thanksgiving, but other than that, we're not taking guests unless they're paying some kind of rent and doing chores around the place".

[TNDadx4]

Sometimes there is a delicate balance in taking people in and jeopardizing your own family. We (my wife and I) have helped friends who were down only to have them turn into a sleep until noon, be up all hours of the night, not looking for a job or place to live type of situation. This caused great stress on everyone on both sides.

That quickly stopped. If you come to stay with us, my family will not suffer. Period. I want to help, but my immediate family has to come first. If we can help you AND you pull your weight, that's great, otherwise, you can crash here for one night on your way to your final destination.

We've also learned that some people don't want help, but want a free ride and go from person to person to get it. This is evident by their past arrangements and situations. These people may be nice people, but you cannot afford to have them leach off of you.

Just my .02 :)

[TNDadx4]

Boy, this thread hits home......

It really IS hard to say NO to family, but still..........who would want all that stacked on the couch for XXX months/years??
I would give HER my last slice of bread, but the rest of 'em
can stay in the city, stay drunk, and eat their young as far as I'm concerned........ ;D ;D



Hardrock, that was a good example. It IS hard to say No to family, but you have to take care of you first. That was a good example as people have got to take some responsibility for themselves first, before asking for help.

[whippersnapper]

I feel that Hardrocks past situation is a mirror to what I have to look forward too. So far, we have been able to avoid the actual kids and family moving in, but as things get tougher I can see my longtime girlfriend not being able to say "no" as often. Not sure I will be able to handle it. I'm cranky enough now. ::)

[whippersnapper]

On a side note: How many of the folks here have their grandkids the majority of the time? Seems like the majority of the people I know are raising their kids, kids. Nothing wrong with helping out, but I see alot of grandparents really being taken advantage of. Sure, in most cases the kids are better off, but it still isn't right imo.

[WileyCoyote]

Too true, whippersnapper.

Young parents want the 'freedom' of being able to go and do, and yet they "want children". They need them for ther own gratification, and couldn't care less what happens to the kids while they are off living their 'real' lives and working or having fun. I see a lot of grandparents taking their grnadchildren over the summer and giving them the summertime experiences that their parents should be giving them - vacation trips, even taking them on Disney cruises and such! When my kids were growing up I made it VERY clear that, if they had children, they and they alone would be responsible for them. My middle son had two children with a Welfare mommy (ah love) who then kicked him to the curb (she had gotten what she wanted - a sperm donor - and had finally figured out that she did not marry into a 'rich family that was going to support her') . Well, while they were separated, he told me he was going to get custody of his kids. I told him I supported him fully. THEN he told me that he was going to move those kids in with me and his Dad, because he needed to work and didn't have time to take care of them and didn't want to pay a babysitter. I looked him dead in the eye and said, "Son, I didn't f___ her!" He quickly gave up his idea of fighting for custody when he realized that I meant it. Our other two kids understand completely how we feel, and would never mooch; feel guilty for asking to borrow things or to stay with us even for a vacation!

The rest of our family - not so much. My brothers are classic moochers; one has tried to whinper and whine his way into our home every time he heard we had a windfall.. We had to take his son to raise because he kept him locked in a room without bedding, clothes, a light source, or even a warm coat or pillow because "he was bad". My SIL - same thing with her son. They weren't bad kids, their parents abused them emotionally and physically because "my son doesn't love me!". One BIL calls us to find out how much money we have so he can "invest it for us" - he can make us millions, even though he lives in a trailer and his wife works at Wal Mart to support him and their 5 children. These are all the people who will cheerfully spend their last nickels to come move in with us during a crisis so that we can give them what they need. I doan freaking think so!!!! No matter what they say, I don't pity them, I don't like them, and I won't deal with them. My two decent kids - maybe. Altho both of them have told me that they have their own plans for survival and they will only come if WE need help...

[walls0stone]

My folks watch my girl 1 or 2 nights a week, but they live next door, and most of the time they have just right right about of time to get an ice cream. They don't have hobbies.. But other people in the family say stuff like, "we'll take her to Disney for a summer"... yea right! She'll be to busy bailing hay in the summer to do that stuff.

Kids need basic understanding of what it takes to survive before they go do that crap! As a child, I hated many of the trips we took to those sorts of places.

[whippersnapper]

I sounded a little harsh in my post. Nothing wrong with helping out when they are really in need and trying. But when they seem to have enough money to drink and smoke, than want money to pay the rent, I get down right pissed off.

Sounds like some of you folks ended up with some kids with brains and a common sense... Sometimes I think I'm batting zero in that department, but I did get to them after they had developed the wrong attitudes.

[bookwormom]

you would think the example of their hardworking mother would have rubbed off, or maybe it scared them off and they found something easier? Just so sorry to hear a story like that. it is all too common. my son had a girlfriend who had a scar on the cheek where her Dad burnt her with a cigarette, on purpose. she was the laziest and most belligerent person I ever saw, and if she had a dime it burnt a hole in her pocket.

[Red_Diamond_Ranch]

I am my Brothers Keeper. Over the years there have been those that needed a hand and we took them in. There is a qualifier though, "Brother" had better be in hot pursuit of a job! We don't ask for money, it slows down the departure date. They are all greatful but don't really want to live here again. I find lots of work for everyone when they stay at this ranch. *;)

Almost forgot: When my sister and her husband and 3 kids and dog and cat with kittens came to stay for a while (he got laid off back in the '80s). He really wanted to help and enjoyed feeding the Feathered critters. So I said, sure. After about 3 weeks I noticed that all the Feathered ones were really fat and slow moving. *I had 3 55gal drums full of shelled corn. When I looked there was maybe a handful left and he said, we need some more feed. I said, Ok but it will be after they come off their new diet that starts now. LOL

[CarolAnn]

Red Diamond Ranch - I think you have the key: they WORK while staying with you.

25 years or so ago - I was helped out by a relative who let me stay at his house for a bit - and with my room and board I got self respect because they worked my butt off! I didn't mind it a bit because pure charity is a bitter pill to swallow. If I had just free-loaded, I would have hated myself. I don't even understand the mind set of those who mooch and grab - but there are sure a lot of them out there.