I'm a country boy, wife is a city girl....

[Southern_Gent]

One of my eventual dreams, which I hope to be able to realize, is to move to a nice little homestead, where I'm virtually independent. I don't much care of the hustle and bustle of city life, though there are certain convienences of living in or near a city. Yet, I generally prefer the serene beauty, charm and serenity of a rural environment.

Not so with my wife. She's more community oriented, wanting to live in an area with plenty of neighbors, parks, shopping and so forth. She's more of a social butterfly than I am, just her up-brining, I suppose.

So there's the dilemma. My dreams swing one way, her's are in the opposite direction. Indeed, she would feel at home in a place like New York City, whereas I'd feel at home in the extreme wilderness. So, what's a fellow to do? How can we realize our dreams, compromising in some fashion, without making the other suffer?

[Shadow]

Been there done that. Wife was city me country, we lived in town and done it her way for twentyfive years now been on the farm for almost twenty three. Course she is still in the city and we have been happly divorced for twenty four years. Sorry I cant give you a good answer, me and the first are still friends and her and the present wife are friends, but she still doen't understand why anyone would want to live out in the middle of nowhere. Good luck Shadow

[Southern_Gent]

I should hope that such exteremes aren't necessary to solve our problem. However, you do address a good point, especially with differing core values of individuals.

I know I could tolerate, probably even enjoy, a quiet neighborhood with decent neighbors. Providing said neighborhood had houses with decent sized yards, where the houses aren't packed very close to each other. Also, said neighborhood shouldn't have page after page of restrictive rules (i.e. no vegetable gardens, rabbit hutches, etc.)

[12vman]

Quote.. Shadow..
"Course she is still in the city and we have been happly divorced for twenty four years."

LOL.. I see you handled it the way I did.. Somewhat.. ;)

Had me a city girl that "Didn't wanna live like [That]".. Whatever that meant.. ???

Anyhow, I used my situation to filter them out.. One by One.. Gots me a real hillbilly girl that'll poop in a bucket.. No Problem.. (She likes the outside shower too..) ;D

You only have one life to live. Better figger how you're gonna live it..
~Don

[JAK]

ROTFLMAO 12vman

So right.

[Txanne]

Quote.. Shadow..
"Course she is still in the city and we have been happly divorced for twenty four years."

LOL.. I see you handled it the way I did.. Somewhat.. * ;)

Had me a city girl that "Didn't wanna live like [That]".. Whatever that meant.. * ???

Anyhow, I used my situation to filter them out.. One by One.. Gots me a real hillbilly girl that'll poop in a bucket.. No Problem.. (She likes the outside shower too..) * *;D

You only have one life to live. Better figger how you're gonna live it..
~Don





How right ya are.

And SA--I dont imagine shes going to go to the wilderness with you---not now or ever---could be wrong.

But hubby who pasted away in '95 was a city kinda guy---if he didnt live down the block from the grocery--HE was in the wilderness.

And THAT is where we lived--in the city.

2 months after he died--I lit out for 50 acres and isolation---lived there for 10 years.

HE would have hated it---even for a weekend campout.
I loved it and grieve for it even now.

I have talked to alot of people on here the past 3-4 years----and it takes like-minded couples to make it--But then maybe you are married to a changeable lady---who knows.

I hope for your sake its so.

annie

[Txanne]

A PS---12V really does have an outside shower---I have PICS of it---- ;D


I had an outside bath-tub. ;)


annie

[12vman]

Now, Now Annie.. Don't be postin' them pics on here..
All them hillbilly girls will be runnin' to Ohio.. ;D
~Don

[gracie88]

Get a couple of yard chickens, girls are crazy for chickens, next thing ya know, she'll be begging to move to the country so she can have bunches of them ;D

Seriously, your best bet is talking to her. What needs of yours are met by the wilderness, what needs of hers are met by the city and can any of them be met somewhere else? Also, don't tell her she will have to poop in a bucket until the situation actually arises. City folks tend to get a little testy at the thought of giving up their porcelain ::)

[JAK]

Highlands
- Bob Dylan

Well my heart's in the Highlands gentle and fair
Honeysuckle blooming in the wildwood air
Bluebelles blazing, where the Aberdeen waters flow
Well my heart's in the Highland,
I'm gonna go there when I feel good enough to go

Windows were shakin' all night in my dreams
Everything was exactly the way that it seems
Woke up this morning and I looked at the same old page
Same ol' rat race
Life in the same ol' cage.

I don't want nothing from anyone, ain't that much to take
Wouldn't know the difference between a real blonde and a fake
Feel like a prisoner in a world of mystery
I wish someone would come
And push back the clock for me

Well my heart's in the Highlands wherever I roam
That's where I'll be when I get called home
The wind, it whispers to the buckeyed trees in rhyme
Well my heart's in the Highland,
I can only get there one step at a time.

I'm listening to Neil Young, I gotta turn up the sound
Someone's always yelling turn it down
Feel like I'm drifting
Drifting from scene the scene
I'm wondering what in the devil could it all possibly mean?

Insanity is smashing up against my soul
You can say I was on anything but a roll
If I had a conscience, well I just might blow my top
What would I do with it anyway
Maybe take it to the pawn shop

My heart's in the Highlands at the break of dawn
By the beautiful lake of the Black Swan
Big white clouds, like chariots that swing down low
Well my heart's in the Highlands
Only place left to go

I'm in Boston town, in some restaurant
I got no idea what I want
Well, maybe I do but I'm just really not sure
Waitress comes over
Nobody in the place but me and her

It must be a holiday, there's nobody around
She studies me closely as I sit down
She got a pretty face and long white shiny legs
She says, "What'll it be?"
I say, "I don't know, you got any soft boiled eggs?"

She looks at me, Says "I'd bring you some
but we're out of 'm, you picked the wrong time to come"
Then she says, "I know you're an artist, draw a picture of me!"
I say, "I would if I could, but,
I don't do sketches from memory."

"Well", she says, "I'm right here in front of you, or haven't you looked?"
I say," all right, I know, but I don't have my drawing book!"
She gives me a napkin, she says, "you can do it on that"
I say, "yes I could but,
I don't know where my pencil is at!"

She pulls one out from behind her ear
She says "all right now, go ahead, draw me, I'm standing right here"
I make a few lines, and I show it for her to see
Well she takes a napkin and throws it back
And says "that don't look a thing like me!"

I said, "Oh, kind miss, it most certainly does"
She says, "you must be jokin.'" I say, "I wish I was!"
Then she says, "you don't read women authors, do you?"
Least that's what I think I hear her say,
"Well", I say, "how would you know and what would it matter anyway?"

"Well", she says, "you just don't seem like you do!"
I said, "you're way wrong."
She says, "which ones have you read then?" I say, "I read Erica Jong!"
She goes away for a minute and I slide up out of my chair
I step outside back to the busy street, but nobody's going anywhere

Well my heart's in the Highlands, with the horses and hounds
Way up in the border country, far from the towns
With the twang of the arrow and a snap of the bow
My heart's in the Highlands
Can't see any other way to go

Every day is the same thing out the door
Feel further away then ever before
Some things in life, it gets too late to learn
Well, I'm lost somewhere
I must have made a few bad turns

I see people in the park forgetting their troubles and woes
They're drinking and dancing, wearing bright colored clothes
All the young men with their young women looking so good
Well, I'd trade places with any of them
In a minute, if I could

I'm crossing the street to get away from a mangy dog
Talking to myself in a monologue
I think what I need might be a full length leather coat
Somebody just asked me
If I registered to vote

The sun is beginning to shine on me
But it's not like the sun that used to be
The party's over, and there's less and less to say
I got new eyes
Everything looks far away

Well, my heart's in the Highlands at the break of day
Over the hills and far away
There's a way to get there, and I'll figure it out somehow
But I'm already there in my mind
And that's good enough for now

[JAK]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogZPN_I870c

[DM]

Pardon me for being blunt, but WHY did you wait untill "after" you were married to figure this out??

These are the kinds of things you work out "before" you say "i do"....

DM

[WileyCoyote]

Well, yes, but...
I am a country girl, and hubby is a city boy! I hate malls and too close neighbors; he likes the comfort of being around "th'guys" and hates hunting and didn't understand my passion for horses and chickens and WHY I HAD to have a tiller and a garden and all those flowers instead of a yard. When he came home from work one day and caught me butchering a wild hog in the back yard, he 'bout lost it. "We're going to EAT that?"

Well, as time passed, he found out that those tomatoes and potatoes and peas from the backyard were so much better and sweeter... and built me a greenhouse so I could start earlier. I planted peaches down the side yard, and he got a bushel of his favorite fruit right there for the picking... and then I made homemade bread... and then he learned how to make noodles from flour and eggs and water ("So THAT's where they come from!") and then...

We spent 25 years in first a big city, then downsized to a small town, and now he is looking forward to the day we move to the real country where we can do more and more - and he can finally let loose the artistic talent I have been nurturing in his metal-and-fiberglas constructed, engine-driven mind and heart. I took him cross country skiing so he could sneak up on rabbits and even deer, and he was amazed at how clean the air was and how perfect the world could be.

Once people taste the truth and beauty of what natural living has to offer, they start to be drawn by it. And if they are not - then they need to stay with what makes them happy. However, lots of folks find out, after awhile and with gentle experience (OK, maybe not a butchered hog) that they can be a lot more satisfied in their souls when they aren't caught up in the rat race any more.

And free range chickens' eggs really do make a much better breakfast...

[calliel]

I am like Wiley! I was raised on a dairy farm and DH in town. He does NOT want to be a farmer! He has major allergy issues. We live, 12 miles from town - with only a acre, but I think it a good compromise. I can get to town whenever I want. I still go to lunch with friends, see all the movies I want and shop when I want - I usually don't want. But it is available for me.

I think you should just keep working on a compromise. You don't HAVE to have 100 acres and 40 cows. You can do just a few things. I don't expect my DH to get excited when the peas finally come up or when the first tomato gets ripe - he doesn't eat much from the garden except strawberries and raspberries (and those only in jam) form). He appreciates the chickens but didn't enjoy butchering and vows to never do it again....okay. But he does keep funding my 'fun' and I am able to live a country life with the ammenities he likes too.

You could also schedule a hunting trip or camping trip for yourself and a couple friends each year.

[Txanne]

Get a barrel----catch her some rain water----convince her to wash her hair in it for a month---and the country air---WOW keep ya younger and more [[[vital-- ;)]].

There's just something beautiful about rain water washed hair---shinier---softer---and air dried---


Sometimes I day dream about the rain that fell on that old tin roof-----There is no more peaceful sleep or just resting--

Sitting on the old front porch with my black tea--reading [[no devouring]] BWH--Countryside in the evening.


Standing on the back-porch holding my face up to that sunshine----


And there is nothing better than those fresh eggs---skillet toast and on Sundays I make a chocolate skillet cake.

Remember tho--If momma aint happy----aint NO body gonna be happy.


And 12V----I wouldnt dream of posting those shower pictures with others--- ;D Their mine ---all mine!!!!!!!!!! ;D


annie---remembering fondly those off grid days

[Shadow]

I bought the farm 2 years after me and the first wife divorced. Seven years later met and married the second wife. She knew I lived on the farm and would not leave it. We learned all about each other while dating and really talked about what each wanted and where each wanted to go with the rest of our lives.
Now we live on a 120 acres, small house, large studio, several buildings for our hobbies and shops. No animals except three huge dogs that are refered to as the kids. We neither are going to poop in a bucket, have a bath room in the house another in the studio and are putting one in at the overlook down at the creek. We do country but not survival, did that several times in several places in the world and it sucks.
We live isolated and have not seen another person in the past three days, even though we live on a public road that end at the house. We usually see the mail lady but with the temp over a hundred and the feel like at 115 even the dogs are inside. We have a small airconditioner in the studio.
Homesteading for us is raisiing most of our food we canned over 600 jars this summer, have pulled up everything in the garden except the tomatoes and getting ready to redo the raised beds this fall and winter.
We get a couple of deer each year, raise fish in the pond, buy some chicken and that is our meat. Don't do animals as that would tie us down too much to do the art shows we do.
Homesteading does not mean living in a substandard house, pooping in a bucket , some day I will get the wife to put photos up of the rose garden/ herb garden with the 28 raised beds with concrete curbs around each with the gravel 3 ft wide walks between them and the log pergola in the center. with the cedar shingle roof. Cost for the whole thing was $1100. very easyto weed and care for and will last a life time.
The vegetable garden will consist of 60 raised beds with concrete curbs after this winter. gravel walks and a watering system via a pump installed in the pond . The pump, conduit and pipe we just finished installing from the pond to the house. Total cost about $3000.
We don't do movies , eat out about once a month and spend our money on things that last and we both want.
To us this is homesteading.
As for the first wife we have remained friends and her and Mrs Shadow they are friends and refer to each other as wifes in laws, We have Thanksgiving dinner every year with her. By the way I find that when the X and my wife are talking on the phone and they both laugh some how I feel they are talking about me.???????????

[TNDadx4]

Southern Gent,

I would like to encourage you in pursuing your dreams. I wouls also like to say that since you're married (me, too), that maybe you could work out a compromise.

Maybe she wouldn't mind you both buying a little piece of land in the country to vacation too. You could put a small trailer there and have a little getaway; a place to go camping.

I know this is not the full-time dream that you probably have envisioned, but it may be a step in the right direction. My wife is a city girl as well. The closest that she'll come to camping is a hotel, but says that she wouldn't mind getting some land somewhere. I (truthfully) told her that it could be a nice place to go on the weekends and a nice place for the church youth to camp on.

I hope that this helps.

[rw66]

My wife of 15 years was a city girl, we met in school. We fell in love hard but I knew there was no way she would move to the country right off. I took it in steps - some planned, some not. First we had to move into a small apartment in a rough part of town for money reasons. She really got a taste of how bad city life could be..... Then as we saved and got better jobs we moved out to a semi-rural area. The house was nice but not kid friendly. When motherhood called we moved a little further out on a few acres but still not my dream. Now we are building on 40 acres and she is all for it. If you try to one big jump she will buck - try the little steps, they worked for me.....

[Suzy]

Even if you marry a "country" boy (or country girl) you are still not assured that they will continue to share your dreams of homesteading....

My husband was raised on a farm, first as a boy and then as a foster child, and he was FORCED to do farm work all his growing up years...

So now he doesn't want anything to do with my animals, the garden, nothing....the only thing he's really helped me with was building the original chicken house that is featured in my article on this website "We Built John Silveria's chicken coop."

It is completely frustrating to me, especially when I am doing things that would be so much easier if there were two people, such as stretching a part of a fence to make a repair....trying to hang a large rabbit cage....but I have learned to make do, prop things up and figure things out...but it is HARD HARD HARD sometimes!

My advice to you would be to try to gradually help your wife see that with the state of the world today being more self-sufficient is the RESPONSIBLE thing to do but help her see that it can be so much fun and so rewarding....

You might not ever be able to convince her to live in a log cabin in the middle of 100 remote acres but she might agree to move further out in the country if the house had some "creature comforts" and she was still in driving distance of some of what she considers her "necessities."

To me there is nothing better than the sunset over the woods and pasture of my little 15 acres....we are only three miles outside a small town but it is rural.

Best wishes!

[Southern_Gent]

Let's see, where to begin with an answer. Someone asked why I married my wife, what with us having such a difference in lifestyles. Honestly, homesteading wasn't something I was considering when we were dating. It's something that has become more clear, what with all the problems facing modern society these days. Indeed, a small, self-sufficient family farm seems like a good way to weather through tough times.

Currently, we live in a somewhat rural area on 2.5 acres of land. Our house is a nice concrete block home with all the modern conveniences you'd expect. A decent sized town is within 40 minutes, providing shopping, movies and even some culture. We're not so far out in the sticks as to be considered away from everything.

Yet, despite being close to everything, my wife would like to be closer. Indeed, living in a subdivision where parks and shopping are within walking distance, and plenty of neighbors to socialize with. Personally, I don't care for subdivisions, what with their inflated property values and high association fees.

Considering that she doesn't much care for where we are now, I highly doubt she'd like a self sufficient family farm of 40 acres or more.

[MontanaVet]

The country dream. I too learned the older I get my wife prefers the city. Big home lot, camping, all that is OK, but we must live in the city. I kick myself to this day for not more aggressively persuading her to buy a house nine miles from town. It is now one and a half times more valuable than 8 years ago.

So I buy this house in the country and let my brother live there. Yes, he lives my country dream. What I learned is country people are suspicious of others. If you want to just be left alone they start rumors about you. Many of them let their dogs roam freely. Some of them ride down gravel roads at an alarming rate of speed with no regard for the dust cloud in their wake. There is more, but I think I made the point.

Now, my country dream is on hold. I own an RV. MV out!

[Terri]

For my own city boy, the actual DISTANCE from town is not what counts: it is the COMMUTE time!

As long as the trip to town can be made in a few minutes and without stop signs, he is happy. So, we live only 1 mile off of the interstate!

We bought this little homestead with both of us in mind: the quick commute for him and the land and rural surroundings for me. He works in the city which WAS just a few minutes (and 20 miles) away, *and he enjoys the shopping BEFORE he comes home.

We were very happy until the city started to grow around us. There are STOP LIGHTS now, which interferes with his easy commute with the radio turned up, and I am now surrounded with housing developements.

We chose a 5.5 acre parcel located just 3 miles from a different interstate, and then I got multiple sclerosis so I do not have the energy to put in sweat equity and rhodedendron bushes and irrigation pipes and....

Drat!

But, finding out that what DH craved about city life was an easy commute was well worth it. That enabled us to live in the country. The kids played in the creek, I watched the neighbors grain grow, and I have had a WHEE! of a time in my 1 acre yard. It was a good compromise.

[DavidOH]

Ditto on what Terri said.

Checked the distance and travel time from my house in town and the one out of town.
It's closer to the Hospital from the place out of town and easier to get to. The shopping center is about the same distance and easier to get to!
With cities expanding and building on the outter rim, you might find a place thats convient for her and still away from the streetlights. :D

[ol_hoot]

Sometimes a little compromise keeps everybody happy as a pig in the sunshine

[BIGGKIDD]

Terri,

then I got multiple sclerosis so I do not have the energy to put in sweat equity and rhodedendron bushes and irrigation pipes and....

Boy I know about that I was diagnosed a little over 2 years ago after standing up one am to fall back down and when I got back to my feet it was all I could do to stand there couldn't walk or talk So now we are going to try it out in the country. My not be healthy but atleast happy.

Larry