Neighbor Help?

[Northwoods_Hippie]

Hi all,

I have just moved from the woods into town, land contract gone bad...don't ask!!

My problem after living here in town for five days is...wait...I should define "town'! The "town" I now live in is the Village of Winchester in N.W. Vilas County Wisconsin. There are all of 25 homes in the Village, no shops, bars, or other noise makers. But then noise making is not my problem, my problem is the neighbor's child from two houses over, and sort of the neighbor herself.

Neighbor is a single mother, works very hard at raising her son the right way, but he keeps coming over to my house, he has come by 4 out of the 5 days I have lived here. He always politely asks if he can come in, then he starts polking through my stuff, and asking questions about rooms where the doors are closed and whether he can go in there. I don't want to be rude, he is only 7 years old and I think he is lonely for company other than his Mother, but I want to STOP this habit of coming over almost every day.

His Mother also comes over often, she wants to borrow movies, books, or other things and while I don't mind loaning the library is right across the street between our two houses!! She just came over to my house, (this is my free non-work day and I am a bit territorial about my "space"), to borrow a movie. I know for a fact the library is open as I have been there already today so maybe she is lonely also.

What do I do about this dropping by situation? I don't want to be rude, and I know things are a bit different in town than they are in the woods but this is really bothering me.

Thanks!!!
Margie

[gypho]

Well... several options.

First, if you see them coming or know about what time to expect them, just don't answer the door. I know it sounds a little rude, but it's easier and better than hurting feelings.

Second, if you'd LIKE to make friends and keep them at arm's distance as well... why not arrange a visiting schedule. Tell her, for instance, that you thing "this day" or "that day" would be nice for visiting, if she's available, but other days are out of the question or inconvenient for YOU because.........................

Third, if you don't want them borrowing from you all the time, you need to put a stop to that now. Especially if the library is THAT close? Just say how about we go to the library instead......? If she refuses, then you can always say no anyway.

The child....... well that's an issue you'll have to discuss with her, when you feel comfortable doing so. As far as keeping him out of your things, just firmly tell him to leave your stuff alone. It doesn't have to be done in a mean way, just a firm way, so that he knows you mean business.

I've probably forgotten something or will think of something else as soon as I hit "post" but maybe someone else will have advice that's better, anyway. ;D

Good Luck!

gypho

[riverdog]

Strike first. Maybe take books/movies to them. Let mom know you are writing the next great American novel and you need no interuption. Have the little fellow rake leaves,hoe the garden. He'll quit comin' around soon enough! HA. Gypho has good advise. Be upfront. Mom may need a shoulder to cry on.

[leera]

My guess,being the small town that it is........

The boy and his mother are both lonely for new people to talk to.Looking for a friend in you,because you do not know them yet.

I would put a stop to the "borrowing" ASAP.

As was already said there is no way to get around being a little rude to them.But you need to set your ground quickly.If you do not show them where your lines are,they will propably keep getting more and more"needy" until you've had your fill of them.

I would also take a guess that given the poulation of the area,gossip will spread faster than a forest fire........so watch yourself.

Small towns are often filled with very nice people,but most will keep you at arms length until they get to know you.For someone to be so friendly and curious/needy so soon is unusual......she's probably very lonely.

[Rama_das]

Denis the menace comes to mind lol. . .

[Northwoods_Hippie]

Hi Again All,

I am going to talk to my neighbor this weekend as things have gone from annoying to worse than annoying since I first posted.

Mother and son showed up last night at 8pm, wanted me to go out to get a fish fry with them. I told her I didn't want to because I had already eaten, and she seemed to accept that. But then she ask me if I could babysit the son on Sunday from 8am to 4pm while she works. I told her very nicely that I could not as I am replacing the clutch on my truck this weekend and don't have the time. I am starting to feel like she doesn't understand boundries, I like her kid but I don't want to be stuck with him for 9 hours!!

Another thing that bothered me is that I am pretty sure she had been drinking, and while I enjoy a beer or 5 after a long day I don't think she should be driving around with the kid in the car if she has had a few drinks.

So my plan is to approch her on Sunday evening and have a talk, I only hope it goes well!!

Wish me luck!
Margie

[nancy1340]

That droppin' off the kid is a big red flag.

Let me tell you what happened to me a few years ago.

I had two neighbors that were both deaf. Young couple about 20 or so. We lived in a apartment complex and one day they knocked on the door and handed me a note. Seems like their car wouldn't start and they wanted me to call a friend to come get them so they could get parts to fix the car. No problem.

A day or so later the same couple knock on the door at dinner time. This time the girl wanted me to call her mother for something. When I called the mother was ICY , I mean reeeeeal icy. I thought that was strange until she started explaining that I would be making a huge mistake if I got involved with trying to help these kids. The mother had a very cultured voice and I got the impression that there were big bucks there.

She told me they had tried everything to help her daughter with school and all kinds of training. They had offered to buy them a phone especially for the deaf.

Seems her daughter and boyfriend were big time users. Not drugs but that they took advantage of anyone who tried to befriend them.

Her advice was just tell them that I just couldn't help them and shut the door. It took me a couple of times to do it but they got to be a twice a day "visitors".

I finally did what the mother said. Later I heard they started going door to door and finally got kicked out for bothering other residents there.


Good luck.

[MNMOM]

The sad thing in all this is there is a child involved. If she has a drinking problem that could be devastating for the child.

[bgarrett]

*I am replacing the clutch on my truck this weekend and don't have the time.
Margie


Somebody named Margie is replacing her own clutch on her own truck?? *Wow! *Margie, will you marry me? *:)

[Smoky]

One thing to watch is what you say when meeting new people for the first time, especially if they were the initiators of that first contact.
You might say "sure, come over anytime" as a way of being nice, but they interpret it literally, and use as their excuse. (You SAID, come over any time....) The real "users" will look for people that don't want to be rude, then milk it for all it's worth. Stop letting them in the door. Meet somewhere else for conversation, don't loan anything.

[Northwoods_Hippie]

Hi All,

First bgarrett, thank you for the nice offer of marriage, but at 43 I am pretty set in my single ways! Though I could sure use a man around at times!

As to the clutch, I had guidance, wasn't completely on my own, but got it done and I am very proud of the job!

I had planned to speak with my neighbor when I got home yesterday, and right on schedule she and the kid showed up 1/2 hour after I got home. They knocked on the door like every other day, again invited me to have dinner out with them, and then when I said no ask to use my phone. I am to nice, and let her use the phone and since she had the kid with her I decided to put off the "talk" today.

I feel that the dinner invite was a front to use the phone as she called someone she already had dinner plans with, I am being used and will put a stop to this today.

Just to clarify, this girl is not a total stranger, we are on the local volunteer fire department together so I guess I have known her for about a year.

Thank you for all your GREAT advise, I will let you know how it goes.

Peace,
Margie

[txanne63]

Sounds like her clutch is slipping---Sometimes a not no--But hell no works.

I lived 6 miles from a woman like this---Woke me up in the middle of the nite and ask for a beer---Now she knew I didnt drink---she just had a case of the drunk wants to talk- She had climbed a locked gate also---told her she didnt know how lucky she was--I had my shot-gun on her all the time--I heard the gate clink--woke me up.
She knew I was serious--now I know your situation is different--but the same aggravation.

---I am in agreement--something doesnt ad up with this nut-job.

annie

[Terri]

Well, they ALWAYS ask if it is OK, and you ALWAYS say yes!

Did you want them to read your mind? They cannot.

It is better to say "Today is not a good day" than to say "yes" and then be put out because they thought "Yes" means "yes"!

[Sparky]

Ugh...I have been there and can totally sympathize.

I wish I had a good solution. What usually happens with these types is that they finally push too far and you end up being rude and then feeling guilty.

I would tell the boy the truth. That you have been working and are tired. Then I would suggest that he go to the library.

As for the woman, the drinking thing is a heads up. I had a neighbor like this and I would grudgingly allow her to use the phone---when I answered my door to her. It got so that most of the time I didn't. The last straw came when I was out and my son was home with a sitter. They were in the living room--she knocked and wanted the phone and my son told her that I wasn't home and that no one was allowed in. Any decent person could have understood that. But she pushed my son aside, called him a little b*****, and went for the phone.

Five minutes later I came home. She was drunk and would not leave my house. She spent that night in jail.