Are there degrees of sociopathy?

[GoodDaughter]

I have dealt with someone for several years, and I have noticed something odd about his emotions. I have gotten to know him pretty well, and I noticed that the only time he feels emotional pain seems to be in regard to himself. *

Let me see if I can explain it more clearly... Ok, many people often feel sympathy and compassion for other people when they see or hear of them suffering. An example would be a friend who has lost a loved one, children starving, or some natural disaster in which people lose their lives. When we see these things, we often become upset. Not for ourselves, but for THEIR pain and suffering, and thus we are empathetic toward the pain of other people. We "feel thier pain" as the saying goes. But this guy doesn't seem to. The only times I have ever seen him get upset is when something has happened that affects him, personally, and then often the emotions are out of all proportion. *He will wail about his own pain, but if someone else has been hurt too, he simply does not acknowlege it. It's hard to explain, but it's as if anyone else's pain or suffering is invisible to him.

He has some other inappropriate emotional behaviors, too. He is a very selfish, petty, and mean person when you get to know him, but to those who don't know him well, he seems to be a really good guy. He also has a problem with delayed gratification--he blows up a lot when he doesn't get what he wants immediately. He's even lost girlfriends when they won't move more quickly in the relationship than he wants them to.

I wonder if it is possible for a person to be sociopathic to a greater or lesser extent? Are there 'degrees' of sociopathy, or is it a condition where one is either 100% sociopathic or not sociopathic at all? I've done some research online but not finding a lot of answers to this particular question. If anyone has any experience, education or insight, I would appreciate hearing it. TIA!

[reyecat]

he sounds like a spoiled brat... maybe an only child.... some of these people don't "get it" until they are old or never. *if the people around him would start telling him the hard truth about life and himself he might get it.... i *don't know about labelling people but from what you describe sociopath would describe half the people I know.

[rockymtngirl]

I think he sounds like the kind of person that, at some point, something will seriously set him off to the point of him being unsafe to be around. He'll get what he wants somehow when he gets to this point. Mind you, I am not a professional in this area - but just my opinion

[GoodDaughter]

Yes, he is definitely spoiled, although not an only child. I guess I didn't give a good explanation of how he thinks, because there are lots of times I have thought his reactions to things were really odd. It's hard to explain, and it's more than just being a spoiled little s***.

Yeah, I think he is the type who might snap if he were thwarted enough or if something happened that destabilized his little world.

Thanks for the insight!

[EarthMother]

He certainly sounds like one ie Jeffery Dalmier, Jim Jones, David Koresh, Hitler ( sp? on last names)etc. they were charismatic. They were selfish, self prophesing , out for self and self alone. Their will be done or s--t hit the fan.

I don't know about levels of sociopathy but I do know about bi-polar (another chemical out of balance mental illness). I am bi-polar, I had a cousin who was, I have a son who is. We all have the high low syndrome but that is where the similarity ends. The cousin was insane. Swings back and forth min. to min. had 3 children and thankfully gave them to their fathers. My son is somewhat in denial. He is so close to being split that there is a 26 point spread from his thug personality (90)to the young man who is loving and compassionate and at one time wanted to be a minister IQ 116.
Me, I have black places in my depression that I have a hard time getting out of. I know when I am going down and can warn my family. They leave me to myself with someone checking in once in a while. I am a threat to me not others. My cousin was married at least 7 times but I think it was closer to 10. She was always jumping from man to man, ruining these guys lives. typical bi-polar behavior. in our down side we always feel like we aren't quite as good as everyone else. Son gets thuggier, I over compensate, My cousin jumped relation to relation. Medication helps but there is no cure. Education about your condition helps, an understanding family is a necessary for mental stability. By the way, son is adopted. We think his birth mother was extremely Bi-polar. My whole point is that mental illness certainly comes in many levels, so why not sociopathy too?

[StephiLou]

He might also have Asperger's Syndrome. Many people are not diagnosed until they are adults. It is actually a form of Autism, but most people that have Aspergers are actually really intelligent. They can usually take care of themselves, function normally, etc. They just have absolutely no concept of other people's emotions or what is appropriate to say or do in social situations. They get really frustrated and have no impulse control.

I have no idea how to have him tested for that. Bi-polar disorder has several tests that can be run (chemical, bloodwork, etc). Maybe it is a diagnosis that is made by ruling everything else out? You might google it and see if it sounds close to the way he acts.

The next thing is getting him to agree to have testing done, either way, Aspergers or Bi-polar, nothing can really be done until HE is ready to do it.

Good luck!

Steph

[nancy1340]

Could he be a narssis ?

[CarolAnn]

GoodDaughter -
Yes, there are folks that are called "functioning sociopaths." Many of them are CEOs and business managers! (That's not a joke, although it should be - it's really true.)

They learn what works and what doesn't work and can mimic people with normal emotions most of the time. However, it simply isn't part of their makeup. You might say they are "amoral" - no true concept of morality. But they do learn to function without becoming a murderer or cannibal! The thing that holds them back from the most atrocious behavior is knowledge of what they personally may suffer if they get caught. But be aware that if they start getting away with bad behavior, they also push the boundaries of what they'll try - and can become more and more dangerous to be around.

If you interact with someone who has absolutely no empathy - it's a good chance that they are a functional sociopath.

[GoodDaughter]

That's what makes me think he is sociopathic---he has absolutely no concern for how his actions impact other people. He may not have gotten away with murder as such, but he has done some things that certainly contributed.

He does push the boundaries, there is apparently no end to his desire to have what he wants at all costs, and only the most dire threats seem to keep him in check. He is only concerned about getting what he wants, and will pursue it up to the point where authorities are about to get involved, and then he will back off because he knows he might suffer some consequence of his actions.

I think he must mimic 'normal' people. He seems to interact quite well, but if you get to know him more than just in passing, it becomes apparent there is something really wrong with him.

Getting him tested for something? Oh, don't you know, there is absolutely nothing wrong with him...it's everyone else that has the problems... ::) and everyone else who pays for his.... insanity? I guess you might even call it?

[StephiLou]

He sounds like my sister's ex husband. ::) Good luck. It seems, finally, what is working with him is "tough love". Too bad his mother learned that 40 years too late.

Steph

[GoodDaughter]

Oh, I'm not involved with this guy. Eeek, what a nightmare that would have to be! Based on my observations and comments he's made in the past, I don't think he has any concept of what it is to love anyone. I don't know if tough love would work on him, because he truly believes he is a-ok and everyone else is nuts.

I'd hate to live next door to him when he's an old man!

[SkooliesRock]

Please don't misunderstand what I'm about to say :-/

Is this guy hurting anyone? Is he violent or agressive towards others? If not, then don't worry about him. If you deal with him in a social setting.....why? If it's business dealings, then you don't have much choice unless you choose to distance yourself from him.

Perhaps you're just more compassionate towards others and therefore see his lack of compassion as a "defect". Not everyone is "social".....but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them, they just prefer being a "loner", we're all wired different. ;)

[stilltryinat50]

GoodDaughter, there is a very informational book by a Psychologist named Martha Stout... the book is titled "The Sociopath Next Door" ....think you will find it useful.... best of luck to you..

[Penny_Plinker]

My first thought was what Nancy said, Narcissist. Do a search. People have the misconception a Narcissist is just someone who likes to admire themselves in the mirror, but it's not that so much. A Narcissist has no empathy, thinks they always have to appear to be perfect (except for their doormat partners) and throws tantrums and likes to lecture other people and is very manipulative. Many mentally abusive relationships involve a narcissist personality disorder.

Penny

[txplowgirl]

I married when I was 17 and he was 21. At the time I thought he was just a tad different but he had a good job, a vehicle and money saved up. And I thought I was in love. :-/
On the other hand he could see dead people who talked to him. Was just a bit paranoid if someone looked at him sideways, would wonder if they were about to do something to him.
Now at this time it was every so often, maybe once a month he would mention something about 1 or the other. Nothing major.
As time went on it got worse. one minute he was happy as a lark, next second, and I mean second he would be screaming at me throwing me and other things around. Paranoia out the wazoo. Waking me up in the middle of the night to say hello to whoever had come to visit that night. His sister or my father, aunts, uncles, you name it. Who all have passed away at one time or another. As long as I aknowledged "them" and told "them" Hello and that I had to go back to sleep so I could go to work in the morning he was fine.
If I was sick he didn't care, If anyone he knew had a loved one pass, he didn't have any sympathy whatsoever.
As long as he was taken care of everyone else could go take a flying leap.
Talked with Dept of human resourses who told me that all the symptoms I gave them was that he was suffering from Paranoia Schitzophrenia. Nothing was wrong with him it was everyone else who had the problem. They just wouldn't listen to what he had to say. I got so tired of hearing that he knew more than everyone else in the world even the doctors.
Was very abusive, verbally, mentally and physically. I was always the one in the wrong.
It took me 21 years to finally get the nerve to leave. After being told he'd kill me hundreds, seems like thousands of times. I finally decided, he had to find me to kill me.
I haven't been in his physical presence in 6 years, have not talked to him by phone in over a year.
Last I heard he was living in Ohio on the street doing day labor. He can't keep a job. Last time I talked to him he told me that I had a demon inside of me that only he could get rid of, but that was ok because he could bring me back to life. Not only that but God was telling him what to do.
I used to hate the man with a purple passion, but now I just feel sorry for him.
As you can well imagine I have gone through lots of counceling over this.
We have a son who i'm afraid is starting to show some signs of this also but he keeps telling me he will go to a dr before it gets real bad but I don;t belive him.
Sorryfor being longwinded, it just triggered a lot of bad memories.

[Grizzy]

sigh... You have totally described the man I work for. I've NEVER seen anything like it.... and nothing will change this mindset. I've worked for him and we've been through alot in seven years, yet he's maintained the same predictable behavior throughout... They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.... haha that describes me, I suppose... I always have hope that he'll just surprize me and become human... but... naaaa it ain't gonna happen.

Grizzy