You might be a redneck IF.....

[GoodDaughter]

.... 'Dusting' means blowing as hard as you can on your furniture.

Just caught myself doing this. :-/

[rAcErRicK]

You're mowing your grass, and you find a truck ! :D

[MissouriFree]

The mouse is referred to as a "critter."

The keyboard is camouflaged.

NRA mousepad on desk, next to the Bible.

Thar's a skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

Thar's a gunrack mounted on the CPU.

The password is "bubba."

The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

Outgoing faxes have beer or tobacco stains on 'em

The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label, Rolling Rock, and Old Milwaukee options.
The monitor is up on blocks.

Seven blue tick hounds under the desk at yer feet, next to the moonshine still.

Deer jerky in the desk drawer.

The screen saver's got pitchers of Ned Beatty with Dueling Banjos playing in the background.

The desktop wallpaper's a pitcher of Daisy Duke.

The six front keys have rotted out.

The keyboard smells like beer.

John Deer Pocket Protectors.

Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer spitcan.

[rAcErRicK]

;D :D

[CarolAnn]

Dusting?! :o

I leave that stuff right there and call it raised bed gardening!

PS -
My dustbunnies just had another litter.

[10ACZ_GAL]

.... 'Dusting' means blowing as hard as you can on your furniture.

Just caught myself doing this. :-/


Me to, don't feel bad ;)

[humbug]

A friend told me once that you only have to dust as high as your tallest friend..so pick short friends.. ;D ;D

[TNDadx4]

I'm laughing because I have jerky in my desk drawer :)

[humbug]

Jen this ones for us..... ::) ::) ;D ;D



Your in the chat room and instead of bragging and showing pictures of your man...you are bragging and showing pictures of your truck...!!! ;D ;D ;D

[OzarkMtnDaredevil]

I'm laughing because I have jerky in my desk drawer :)
Is it marinating or is it cooked? :D

[Suzy]

We had a TRUE ONE happen to us today....

Husband was able to get out for the first time today after having the defib implanted last Monday. He and son went over to look over a future electrical job.

They were driving home and about one-half mile from the house, there were cows in the roadway....and there aren't any cow pastures nearby right now (our nearest neighbors will get new calves this spring)....

Anyway, husband calls our 911 dispatch---using his cell phone which they don't have tracers on here now--- to report the cows in the road.....AND THE DISPATCHER SAID, "Roy, is that YOU????"

So being a redneck is living in a county so "country" that you call 911 to report something and the dispatcher RECONIZES your voice!!!

[Wyobuckaroo]

You might be a redneck if ...............

You can do your Christmas shopping, and buy live bait in one stop ....................

Now thats funny, I don't care who you are....

[macgeoghagen]

you might be a redneck if you think "carpet tumble syndrome" is a really bad rug burn.

[MissouriFree]

Ifin you ain't one yet all you can apply to be >>>
http://www.beer-bytch.com/redapp.htm

[crafty2002]

You might be a red neck if the lady across the street calls you at 12:30 Am telling you some one is beating on her door, the ground is wet, yet instead of putting pants and boots on you grab the .380 and your cap and and go out in your long johns with the pistol in one hand and the cap in the other in 40+ a few degree weather. ;D
That happened to me 3 or 4 nights ago.

That is just a might.
You are a red neck when you start yelling at a black man twice your size and telling him he has you out side as cold as it is in your underwear, and tell him to get his @$$ up the street where he came from.
What can I say. I am a red neck. ;D There isn't a "might be" about it. :o
Shut up Dennis

[goodwifefarm]

This is a true story about what southern Illinois Hillbillies will do if they have to........went to Lowes to buy lumber to put a lean-to on the barn.......now mind you we only had hubby's daily driver S-10 pickup at the time.........a 6 ft bed on a good day.........needed several 16+foot boards................loaded so much lumber on that poor little ole truck that the front wheels were barely touching the ground. Kept tellin hubby that this just ain't a gonna work.......no way is this gonna work. Hubs keeps sayin it'll be fine, just git in the truck. Shoulda seen the looks the other shoppers were givin us as we are loadin this stuff! Asked dear one if he thought I needed to ride in the back on top of this load.......nope it'll be fine..........mind you we had 18 mile to go to get home. Got about 50ft down the road and hubs decides..........mebbe you'd better sit back there and hold er down. Went through downtown with my fat booty perched on a pile of lumber that is pert near draggin the highway! Wasn't so bad once we got outta town...........lol..........you might be a redneck if you have your woman ride on a pile of lumber actin as a tow strap!

[MissouriFree]

This is a true story about what southern Illinois Hillbillies *!


I grew up on a hill farm south of Chester long long time ago. turn off the hard road at Rockwood. went to SIUE

[crafty2002]

Goodwifefarm, I was waiting for you to say he had you ride on the hood to hold the front down, LOL.
I carried a load like that on a little "toy"ota truck ;D and had to hit the brakes a few times just to get it to turn the front end was so light.

[goodwifefarm]

tee hee, ya do what ya gotta ya know! ;D I kept thinking the whole way home........please no cops, please no cops, please no cops! Of course we saw three of them! I guess they were too busy laughing at us..........

[goodwifefarm]

Hey Missourifree, that is cool that you went to SIUE. My hubby works in Edwardsville.......we live just a hair north of there. Hoping that if my daughter chooses college, she can go there so she can live at home at least the first year........scary world out there!

[MissouriFree]

Hey Missourifree, that is cool that you went to SIUE. *My hubby works in Edwardsville.......we live just a hair north of there. *Hoping that if my daughter chooses college, she can go there so she can live at home at least the first year........scary world out there! *

I finally got thru siue at age of 35 in 1980. is vanzo's ( spelling ?) still open ? I did a lot of " homework " in there. engineering was tough and my class worked hard at doing group study there

[TNDadx4]

Is it marinating or is it cooked? :D



It's all ready, although I do need to make more ;D

[macgeoghagen]

16 foot boards from lowes? you must be hard up for trees there. where im from we cut a tree for it. if we need them nice we run it to the sawmill, if not we plank it with a chainsaw.

[goodwifefarm]

I got oak boards for my stalls from an old guy who mills timber for fun............but yeah when I needed 16' pine 2x4's........went to lowes..........no pine trees here :(

[goodwifefarm]

I finally got thru siue at age of 35 in 1980. is vanzo's ( spelling ?) still open ? I did a lot of " homework " in there. engineering was *tough and my class worked hard at doing group study there



Yup they are still there.........not been there myself, but it's still open! Congrats on finally making it! lol I never went to college myself.........but I married well so it's ok I suppose ;D

[MissouriFree]

You Know Yours Is A Redneck Church If:

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." Then five guys and two women stand up.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

Baptism is referred to as "branding".

There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.

Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub.

The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

Instead of bell, your called to service by a duck call.

They serve beef jerky on important occasions.

The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

The service wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.

The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, ya hear?

[RocketMan]

If you have ever smashed a pop can, cut it in half, put a stick in the hole in the top, and used it as a hamburger flipper...
you might be a redneck.
(worked like a charm too!)

[DM]

You open your freezer and find a fox in there waiting to be skinned!

http://www.fototime.com/3CC055484A5BCAC/orig.jpg

DM

[goodwifefarm]

Redneck grocery shopping...........

http://i358.photobucket.com/albums/oo27/goodwifefarm/endoctober002.jpg

[remington]

You're freezer contains no meat that came from a grocery store.
You wouldn't even think about answering the door without a shotgun.
if a gun rack for the gun rack is considered necessary

[macgeoghagen]

You wouldn't even think about answering the door without a shotgun.


Yep, that sounds like me.

[rice paddy daddy]

...........if washing the dishes involves a garden hose and the back yard.

[macgeoghagen]

...........if washing the dishes involves a garden hose and the back yard.
Again, sounds like me. dog licked the tupperware clean for the pre-wash, then i hosed it out.

[Wyobuckaroo]

You might be a REDNECK if.............

"Loading the dish washer" means getting your ole lady drunk..................

[goodwifefarm]

You might be a REDNECK if.............

"Loading the dish washer" means getting your ole lady drunk..................

HAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!! ;D

[clawmute]

If being a redneck means:

1. Your granny relieves herself beside the highway and behind the car door. Check - remember granny doing that.

2. The governor of your state lives in a trailer. Check - Huckaby lived in one while the Gov's mansion got a facelift.

3. You had to trap a family of possums from under the house. Check -

4. You told your wife when she called yor work about a large sag in the kitchen ceiling after a monsoon to "just get a butcher knife and a pot and stab it". Check -

5. You regularly pee from the front porch that is 100 feet above the river and overlooks thousands of acres of forest. Check -

6. You walk out to the porch and fire off a few rounds from your heavy rifle if you hear shots you think are too close to your place. Check -

7. You go fetch the mail and paper one quarter of a mile away on the tractor. Check

8. You stay up late to catch the deer sneaking up to your backyard raised beds so you can dust their butt with birdshot. Check -

9. You laugh at the city slickers that whispered to their children "Don't drink their water - it comes from a WELL!" Check -

10. You jumped 5 feet vertically when a sumo-Armadillo zipped out of his hole and across your foot that was bblocking his get away. Check -

I passed I passed!!! I could have answered even more of those tough questions, a breeze.

[macgeoghagen]

9. You laugh at the city slickers that whispered to their children "Don't drink their water - it comes from a WELL!" Check -

has your mom ever packed you a 2 liter bottle with good well water before you went into the city to go wal-mart'n because they get that city water from a filthy river and let it sit in a pipe for months?