winter_unfazed
12-21-2006, 04:19 AM
I don't know who came up with all these, but let's ponder them...
The best cure for insomnia is a buzzing alarm clock.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
I don't believe in relativism. Please be tolerant of my views.
One of the most popular forms of exercise is jumping to conclusions.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
If every teenager had a baby brother or sister screaming like heck 24/7, I suspect that teen pregnancy rates would hit an all-time floor.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
In the 1960s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
It's good to be open-minded, but not so open that your brain falls out.
I had amnesia once - or twice. I can't remember.
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a 'free' gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.
Someday soon, they won't be able to use Phillips screws in public buildings, lest someone be offended by the screw's resemblance to a cross.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is supposed to be the best teacher, but are you sure you can afford the tuition?
The inventor of paper plates should have received a Nobel Peace Prize.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
Tomatoes are often grown in a greenhouse; lies are often grown in the White House.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
Is Lenin's tomb a communist plot?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
The best cure for insomnia is a buzzing alarm clock.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
I don't believe in relativism. Please be tolerant of my views.
One of the most popular forms of exercise is jumping to conclusions.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
If every teenager had a baby brother or sister screaming like heck 24/7, I suspect that teen pregnancy rates would hit an all-time floor.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
In the 1960s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
It's good to be open-minded, but not so open that your brain falls out.
I had amnesia once - or twice. I can't remember.
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a 'free' gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.
Someday soon, they won't be able to use Phillips screws in public buildings, lest someone be offended by the screw's resemblance to a cross.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is supposed to be the best teacher, but are you sure you can afford the tuition?
The inventor of paper plates should have received a Nobel Peace Prize.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
Tomatoes are often grown in a greenhouse; lies are often grown in the White House.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
Is Lenin's tomb a communist plot?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?