Lies and the need to tell them

[indyguy]

Im not sure where to put this topic so it can be moved if need be.

What drives a person to lie? Im taking about a on going tell one lie and need to tell another to backup the 1st and this going on for mounths at end kind of thing.

I have a friend, we have dated on and off for a few yrs but she s unable to tell the truth and makes up these wild stories that after awhile become so far out there you just know its BS.

For example..... Told me her eldery mom was going into a home back in Oct and has been telling me stories about how great the home is, how great her moms care is there what not and so forth and I learn 2 days ago her mom is great health and living on her own.

I know this because I ran into her mom in a local store and this is just one of several lies that have surfaced the past few yrs.

I dont understand her actions and looking for insight
What is their reasoning for this? What makes a person like this tick?

Rob

[CanNerd]

Most people lie when they are afraid of what would happen if they told the truth. Recent research indicates that most of us have not told the truth in one-fourth of our daily interactions with others—usually to spare ourselves or someone else humiliation.

[Oldman]

Attention!!! The wilder they make their life sound to you, they think the more you will like them.
The bad part is they make people like myself look like a liar because I have actually been through things that are really to hard to believe. I am very often took as a liar and I don't need to even stretch things about my life to be a colorful person.
The problem with that is I was stupid enough to get into the positions that lead to the things that happened.
Now, to start with, if you didn't know her mom, how did you run into her at a store and know who she was?
If you already knew her, you already knew the health she was in.
What did she have to say when you spoke to her?
There are homes that elderly people live in that are still in good healt and even has their own cars so who's to say the girl was lieing to you.
What basis do you have to be sure she was telling you a lie?
Just because you think she was lieing doesn't make that true.
It is good to read between the lines but don't read tooooooooo much into what you see.
Been there and done that.
Oldman

[Penny_Plinker]

She sounds like a compulsive liar and not likely to change. You need to be careful, that type could get you in a paternity suit or some other drastic accusation if they get mad at you.

Penny

[indyguy]

I know her mother having met her many times. I was also at her home where she has lived the past 9 yrs.

This was just a out right lie....... one of several I have uncovered the past few yrs.

It mattered nothing to me where her mom was living so why the need to lie about it?

[Anon001]

Indyguy,

If she is a compulsive liar, she may need no reason to lie. Some compulsive liars do it just to be doing it for no reason at all.

But, have you confronted her? I would repeat to her what she has said and see if she still agrees to what she said. Then give her the undisputable true facts and see what her reaction is.

Ultimately, I would say lose the baggage. That may sound harsh but no one needs trouble. If you believe in the SHTF scenarios, that is not someone you will want on your team. No man should be desperate enough to put up with a compulsive/habitual liar (not saying you are desperate LOL)...

If you confront her she wil possibly, cry and sob, and swear she'll never tell another lie,but if she is compulsive, she will always lie.

I NEVER keep friends around that lie, cheat, or steal. And I never lie to anyone even when I know the truth may hurt them. But if they ask, I tell them truthfully.

Good luck,
Paul

[indyguy]

I did confront her Paul and got just the reaction you describied...... crying, anger and promises to never lie to me again.

This was her 3rd strike and you are right in that no one needs this crap in their life.

I am only trying to understand the whys of it all

Thanks,
Rob

[Anon001]

Rob,

I know it is rough. You said you had dated off and of for a few years which would imply some emotional investment. That makes it hard on you.

Just take care of yourself first.

Paul

[GoodDaughter]

..............

[indyguy]

I have known this person going on 4 yrs now and have learned that of which you speak Gooddaughter.

Thanks for saying what I already believed true.

[rAcErRicK]

I have known this person going on 4 yrs now and have learned that of which you speak Gooddaughter.

Thanks for saying what I already believed true.

Had a very similar experience indyguy, and Gooddaughter nailed it. It becomes a way of life for them, they tell one and them cover it up with another one, and it goes on and on. The one I knew had done it for so long, I really don't think she knew the difference between a lie and the truth. It truly is a sickness, with no available treatment or cure. Terrible shame, but as Penny said, it could very easily destroy your life. Good luck man. I chose not.

[Oldman]

If you know her mother, and if you have been to her home, how did this woman you were dating lie to you and you not know the truth from get go.???????
Something smells fishy here? Don't sound like we are getting the whole story here.
Oldman

[jen_in_southtexas]

I have a cousin who is a compulsive liar. Always has been since she was a child. I dreaded her visits in the summer as they were extended stays. Always letting people know how much her clothes costs and where she got them and gawd forbid you have an item just like hers because dont you know that hers costs more than yours. Always saying that they went here and there where it was expensive even though they didnt go. Loves to tell people about some kind of BS drama that is so exaggerated. And no matter what kind of story you have hers will always out do yours. She is a classic fake and compulsive liar. Cant stand to be around her and she knows it. Sad part is now that she has kids of her own it looks like 3 of them are taking after her pitiful ways. So yes there are people like that.

-j

[indyguy]

up until 3 days ago I had not been to the moms home in over a year because I was told she moved to a nursing home.

when I saw her mom in the store she invited me over for lunch....... shes a great cook!

She even admitted to me that her daughter has a problem.

Is this clear to you now Oldman?

[offroaddiesel]

many reason why people lie, one is poor self esteeme. steve

[lefty-mi]

I think all of these reasons are very valid. I'd like to toss out another thought--I do believe that some compulsive liars are so good at lying that they actually start to believe their own lies, which makes them easy to believe on our end, since they give off no "lying" body language, and often if confronted, give very convincing denial, since they really don't think they are lying. I have known a couple people like this, and yes, as someone up there said, I do believe that this is a form of mental illness. Just the opinion of a boot saleslady...

[EarthMama]

I have an 11 year old adopted daughter (came to us at 11 wks. old... no abuse) who is a compulsive liar. She will lie about anything and everything... and will also cheat and take short cuts around doing something properly, etc. etc. She will lie about little things and lie about big things. It doesn't matter.

She will lie even if she won't get in trouble by telling the truth.

All I can say is that people who lie have "issues". Our daughter has adoption issues... other liars have other issues. It's so hard living with this type of person because you can never EVER trust them... EVER. So, if given a choice, I'd advise anyone to stay away from a compulsive liar, if given the choice. You're only asking for trouble.

Unfortunately.

[Anon001]

When I was growing up we would get spanked for lying. *We knew we didn't want that. *Our parents would use a belt, but never left a bruise. We quickly learned to always tell the truth.

[Davedone]

I think that lying is dangerous to all concerned and does more damage than theft does.
If you have to tell a lie you are probably already in too deep.
I posted a "gripe" in another fourm here about my grocery store requiring club cards to buy sale items and some folks said they just put false information on the card. I'd be afraid of that. You gotta take care of your integrity or it wont last you out. :)

[offgridbob]

Lying has always been around from the begining. But try telling the absolute truth and see how many people can handle the truth. Dogs don't lie, I like dogs. Thats why I thought the wikileaks were interesting, And don't forget a lie can be the omittence of truth also.

[BWHLover]

I think that lying is dangerous to all concerned and does more damage than theft does.
If you have to tell a lie you are probably already in too deep.
I posted a "gripe" in another fourm here about my grocery store requiring club cards to buy sale items and some folks said they just put false information on the card. I'd be afraid of that. You gotta take care of your integrity or it wont last you out. :)

I agree with the lying on everything except the Grocery Store Club Cards, I do not want or need the Government knowing how and what I purchase. Also when SHTF, I do not want the employees of the Grocery Store to have access to my past purchases. They do not need my name, address and the face that I may have purchased 10 bottles of Cough Syrup, 300 pounds of meat or a list of any other supplies. This is a privacy issue...

[333]

Peace,

Lying, and promulgating falsities, are the destruction of the public trust. No civilization can peacefully exist with lies running rampant.

The truth how ever is also sometimes just way to much for folks to handle. Which leads into the heart of the matter.

People just plain lying to themselves, about themselves, about their choices, and this is the real problem. Our nation reflects this, ....THIS de-ferrence of responsibility, as we know is the nemesis of liberty and sovereignty. So they keep right on lying, to each other and themselves, living in their fantasy land passing the wretched mess on to their children, and their grand children.

333

[BonnyLake]

I think that keeping all of your information as private as possible is necessary, even if that includes lying like a rug to make sure it doesn't get into the wrong places.

[Davedone]

I think that keeping all of your information as private as possible is necessary, even if that includes lying like a rug to make sure it doesn't get into the wrong places.

Fortunately I can just shop elsewhere. I just don't see the benefit of buying sale items as being worth lying.
I agree with BWHLover, and that's likely what the club or cards are all about.

[CareBear]

Ask me no Questions and I won't have to lie ?


No I don't like that Dress ur wearing madem, Its ugly! Sir your car is very ugly and Thats the truth!