Should you help your relatives?

[elemay17]

If your mom,dad, and adult sister with children think preparedness is "strange" or "weird" as some people do and you choose not to discuss it with them because you know they will just look at you funny or think you are paranoid; do you help them if/when SHTF?

We my DH and I have discussed this many times with no decision made, they are close family but do not see the need to prepare. It is hard enough to accumulate enough for the two of us much less six more people.

Sorry to make two posts right in a row, new here and very excited with many questions :)

[RangerRick]

As much as I can without putting my family in a tight spot. As long as they arn't thives, after all is said and done they are still family.

Ranger Rick

[RocketMan]

I have thought about this myself, and came up with this. I would help them, or have them move in with me and hunker down, but they would have to contribute something. Of course my Mom is a bit too old to do much, but the younger ones would have to give something to help out such as cooking, hunting, gathering wood, home repairs, whatever. If they were only there to reap the benefits, and it came down to actual survival, I would tell them they had to go. You would be wasting resources on someone who wasn't helping out. Sounds kind of cold-hearted, doesn't it?

[walls0stone]

Have you ever seen The Mannor? a reality show were the players were put into a large house and put the the workers it would take to make a large house run. Also, if one looks at old farmhouses in New England... you'll note that many have or had a door on the outside, upstairs. A hired man would have lived in that room, working for Room and Board. This house were I live was the property of my Great-Great-Uncle, a timber barron. He had a hired man in one room, and he neice..my Great Grandmother as a house keeper in another room.

Just saw'n wood for a fire or cooking dinner could take a long time each day. I'm sure that if the world realy went to hell
(and the whole world would have to otherwise, you'd just have other people buy'n more of this country and we'd work for them) as a land owner you'd be more like a barron, noble or Gentry. They would be more like tennats, a requirement for you to live.

[Cutter]

My kids think I'm a little paranoid with all the steps I'm taking to be ready. They can't figure out why I have hard red wheat in buckets in the pantry or why I keep picking up a box or two of bullets when I don't plan on shooting all of them.
My son lives with his wife in Sacramento and the other lives with her husband and son a little north of San Francisco and they both know when the SHTF they are to get here any way they can.
If TEOTWAWKI happens we will get by, If it never happens when I die they can all laugh at the things grandpa has in his pantry. One thing about grandpa is he never minded being laughed at. If you don't know a good joke to make someone laugh, do something stupid, it's worth it for the laugh.

[Lake_Lady]

Family is family. My kids make fun of me for my preparations but they know where to come if the SHTF. We'll even end up with my ex. I know...........but he's their dad and they would never forgive me if he died because I wouldn't take him in. If and when this happens EVERY ONE will work for their keep. I may be a sap when it comes to taking the ex in but I have no problem cracking a whip ;D

[Dobelo17]

Hi,

In my case i would have to select which relatives.
I have counsins that would come before closer family
simply because they have already proven that we
look out for each other. My mother is already a pain in the but becasue she wants a nurse maid instead of a
family. His parents are only worried about what you can do for them and what they can get for free. SO I would say my children, a couple of his cousins and
our friends that are closer then family. His two brothers
would be welcome one is a Doctor so he would be handy no matter what. The other wait and see if he can stay. Sounds cold but not sure if hubby will even be there.

BEcky

[DavidOH]

Sometimes it has to happen to them to make them think.

A blizzard, flood or the great NE Blackout.

Try asking if you can leave an "overnight kit" at their place.
A change of clothes with one of your bug out bags.

If the need arises tell them they can open your bag and use what they need. A few emergency items of yours stored there may be all that they have or need to get them through a 24 or 72 hour event.

[mom]

Whether we should or not is beside the point in my husband and my thinking - they are family, period end of story. We have talked about this and if helping out those we love means we eventually suffer, we will sufffer. That's all there is to it.

[flatwater]

What a great question and one to think about. I tend to agree with Mom on this one and if possible there are some close friends I would help also. One can always add a little water to the soup.
Flatwater

[wy0mn]

Blood is thicker than water... yet water washes it off nicely!

Of my entire family I'd only welcome one of my brothers, assuming he came without his metric tonne of wife & kids. And he'd never do that, so the point is moot.

Pontius Lex

[remington]

Family is family. In a minor SHTF situation (blizzard, flood, etc.) I would never turn out someone related or not. (He says beforehand) In a very serious situation I would only let those who are willing to help stay, but would help out all who truely needed it. Stack a few Mosins in a closet for this situation. Love thy neighbor as thyself.

[WileyCoyote]

In a SHTF scenario, people who refuse to prepare will inumdate those who have tried to prepare. They wil sap resources, and prove to be liabilities. In a pandemic situation, they may be contagious - and will still expect your help. In a Flee situation, they may draw others to your place - "I KNOW where there's food/power/shelter!!!"

Bottom line, how much do you have and how much of it are you willing to lose, either over a short-term assistance or a long-term residential problem? What can they bring besides their empty hands? Will they work the garden, farm, animals, will they build, can they make their own bullets, are they worth anything at all? Or will they sit and expect you to wait on them, and whine about what they don't have and left behind?

My family is pretty much useless; dependent, whiny, demanding, and with a welfare-Wal-Mart mindset - the world owes them a living, and they like to brag about all of the cheap crap they can buy that they cannot/don't know how to use or fix. I have already told several that they are NOT under any circumstances invited.

I have "friends" who want to come out here to take advantage of our hunting and think that they can sit around and be waited on hand and foot. My brother and our middle child are fine examples of this type of bloodsucker. Those folks too have already been told to stay their butts home.

Then I have one friend who brings his skills like bullet-making, hunting, woodworking, solar power and electrical comprehension to the table. Two other friends - the husband will build any damned thing you can think of, and his wife has raised meat goats and plowed with both horses and tractors. Our oldest son is also an accomplished hunter and weapons trainer, has much weaponry that he cares for, grows his own vegetables, and his wife can make anything out of cloth or foodstuffs. All of these folks have been told they are welcome... however, they have already been making their own plans for SHTF, so we are a bugout place for them, to be used only if their other plans fail.

Bear in mind that those who fail to plan, plan to fail - and they will EXPECT you to "save" them. If you are willing to sap your supplies, your energies, endanger your own safety and that of your children when they bring all of their family, friends, and baggage with them - hey, gopherit. It's your funeral. Me - I know what my friends and family are capable of and will and won't do - and make my determinations based on whether they will endanger my own survival.

Did you ever read/watch Gone With the Wind? Are you willing to put up with people who will expect you to do unspeakable, dirty, filthy practices, while they will still expect to wear nice clean clothes, sit about the house and lament about what they could have/should have - and let you do the dirty work of survival? If so, that's your choice. But don't expect any help from them - they will expect you to exhaust and beggar yourself to keep them happy... and probably end by killing you and your chlidren over the last chicken or egg.

[pcrowder]

Wiley: Boy, you said it all! I've got the same thing as alot of others - 2 brothers in law who I wouldn't let in for anything, and 2 other brothers in law who would be the FIRST to be let in! I think everyone really needs to be thinking ahead of time about just who would be allowed and under what circumstances, not later when things get bad and they all show up at your door with huge appetites and NO useable skills at all. The last thing people need is to have a bunch of freeloading friends/relatives showing up at your door in an emergency, expecting food/clothes/shelter for an undetermined period of time, and not having a plan ahead of time to say "no" to them. It won't be easy, but everyone needs to think of "number one" first in a case like that, because your worthless relatives sure won't be thinking of you!

[MNMOM]

In a SHTF scenario, people who refuse to prepare will inumdate those who have tried to prepare. They wil sap resources, and prove to be liabilities. In a pandemic situation, they may be contagious - and will still expect your help. In a Flee situation, they may draw others to your place - "I KNOW where there's food/power/shelter!!!"

Bottom line, how much do you have and how much of it are you willing to lose, either over a short-term assistance or a long-term residential problem? What can they bring besides their empty hands? Will they work the garden, farm, animals, will they build, can they make their own bullets, are they worth anything at all? Or will they sit and expect you to wait on them, and whine about what they don't have and left behind?

My family is pretty much useless; dependent, whiny, demanding, and with a welfare-Wal-Mart mindset - the world owes them a living, and they like to brag about all of the cheap crap they can buy that they cannot/don't know how to use or fix. I have already told several that they are NOT under any circumstances invited.

I have "friends" who want to come out here to take advantage of our hunting and think that they can sit around and be waited on hand and foot. My brother and our middle child are fine examples of this type of bloodsucker. Those folks too have already been told to stay their butts home.

Then I have one friend who brings his skills like bullet-making, hunting, woodworking, solar power and electrical comprehension to the table. Two other friends - the husband will build any damned thing you can think of, and his wife has raised meat goats and plowed with both horses and tractors. Our oldest son is also an accomplished hunter and weapons trainer, has much weaponry that he cares for, grows his own vegetables, and his wife can make anything out of cloth or foodstuffs. All of these folks have been told they are welcome... however, they have already been making their own plans for SHTF, so we are a bugout place for them, to be used only if their other plans fail.

Bear in mind that those who fail to plan, plan to fail - and they will EXPECT you to "save" them. If you are willing to sap your supplies, your energies, endanger your own safety and that of your children when they bring all of their family, friends, and baggage with them - hey, gopherit. It's your funeral. Me - I know what my friends and family are capable of and will and won't do - and make my determinations based on whether they will endanger my own survival.

Did you ever read/watch Gone With the Wind? Are you willing to put up with people who will expect you to do unspeakable, dirty, filthy practices, while they will still expect to wear nice clean clothes, sit about the house and lament about what they could have/should have - *and let you do the dirty work of survival? If so, that's your choice. But don't expect any help from them - they will expect you to exhaust and beggar yourself to keep them happy... and probably end by killing you and your chlidren over the last chicken or egg. *

I really agree with you. I still don't think people fully realize how bad it could get, and I for one am not going to let someone freeload off of me and expect to be waited on. In the worst case scenario, we need all the types of people that can contribute.

[SkooliesRock]

Older folks, especially those who lived through the depression, are generally hoarders & packrats anyway , so convincing them to store supplies isn't much of a problem *;D

Best thing you can do with family & friends is to talk with them, explain why you do what you do, and offer them help & advice in being prepared themselves. Inform that in the event of disaster (SHTF) you won't be able to help them, and you're main goal is providing for & protecting your own family....so if they don't heed your warning/advice, they're "on their own".

You can lead a horse to water.........

[TheUnboundOne]

Dear Elemay17,

Howdy, Elemay17!

You have asked the $64,000 question!

If relatives don't have provisions, but are willing doers and can offer skills, helping them would be fine with me.

For myself, I will say that I would help my Mom and Dad and Step-Mom, even if they don't share my zeal for preparedness, since I know that they at least are willing to work hard and do what they can in a pinch.

Mom thinks some of my efforts at preparedness are downright loopy, yet she works dog-bone hard for my Landlord, so I know she would chip in if things got tough enough.

Dad, while having served in the Navy, never keeps more than three days of provisions in the house, yet he's helped me with many practical matters related to autos and other things, not to mention money.

Step-Mom, while having worked as a Nurse in the trauma unit, doesn't seem to be well-stocked on First Aid, yet I'm sure she knows mouth-to-mouth and CPR and other medical procedures, so she's welcome to my help as well.

My Uncles who know about electronics, livestock and home building would be more than welcome to my help, as would my Aunts. My Nephew was a Eagle Scout, so he would be welcome to my assistance.

My Sister is so deep in the banking system and deals so much in investments and securities, I'm not sure she can even grasp a time when provisions would mean more than paper. Nevertheless, she does know how to garden and she has helped my Mom in hard times, so I would help her too.

My Niece, Half-Brother, and my Half-Brother's daughters, however, are another story. They are a pack of juvinile delinquents of all ages who wreck cars, hang out with scum, live off of welfare, do freelance stealing, con people, and are just hopelessly lost.

The only thing Dad and I would be willing to do for them is take the Great-Niece from the Half-Brother's Daughters to keep that precious baby from vile influences.

Most Cousins I would help, but others would have to straighten up and fly right.

Non-related neighbors I haven't yet thought about, but if they don't exhibit parasitic, predatory behavior, I would help where I could.

Remember, though: Any unpaid help to anyone is something that comes from surplus supplies and surplus time. Providing for yourself, your spouse, and your children comes first.

[Archangel]

I could not turn my brother or children away. We have extra supplies for them. the hard part is rotation.
Michael

[Terri]

There are many different ways that the S can HTF.

Are your family the sort that will help if you have a flat? Will let you camp in their living room if the pipes burst? Pick up food for you when you are ill?

Do not take on more than you can handle. If the ice storm kills the power for a week, and you are expecting the power to come back on, that is one thing. Many of us can support family for that. If, however it is TEOTWAWKI (which I do not believe will happen), that is a whole 'nother ball game!!!!!!!!!!

[walls0stone]

more I think on it, the people I'd let in here, are the ones who would never need me. The ones who would come knocking, if the world went to crap...would never make it..they live far way and I don't think they would get here in a major dissaster. The only people I want in my life have a work ethic.

[AlchemyAcres]

"Should you help your relatives?"
Yeah...as much as possible..
My mother is disabled...she has MS....so I'd help her for sure.
My siblings (I have a brother and sister, both younger) are nothing like me...maybe that's a good thing...LOL...anyway...they ain't prepared in the way that I am. I'd help them.
Well...and my father and his wife, of course........

I'd help others as much as possible.


~Martin

[EarthMother]

Ah, yes, I live so far away from everyone but one brother, he has many skills, that I doubt any would make it here. I thank God that almost all of my kids and Grandkids can help or are willing to learn the old ways. I do have a couple of elderly friends I would go to town and get but a lot more I would just pass by. hen ask forgivens for leaving them to perish. God gave us 8 children, 7 adopted, that will always come first.

[mom]

more I think on it, the people I'd let in here, are the ones who would never need me. *The ones who would come knocking, if the world went to crap...would never make it..they live far way and I don't think they would get here in a major dissaster. *The only people I want in my life have a work ethic.
I guess I am lucky in that everyone I am related to does have a work ethic. They may not all have valuable skills but they would all work and take directions from those that have skills.

There is an old couple across the road and God Bless them they are the village idiots but I would have to help them. Now their worthless children and grandchildren would have to fend forthemselves - they would just have to take hind tit and get by on their own.

[medic]

I have too many now as it is. My room mate is disabled but her daughter and boy friend just don't seem to get it. I feel old now when I say these younger generation kids have no work ethic or have any idea how to take care of themselves. The proof for me is the room mate's daughter and boy friend. It's difficult enough to get them to clean up after themselves let alone do much of anything else. The problem is they have two babies. When people talk about kids having kids I don't have far to look to see an example. At least, for now, the daugher seems to be getting the idea of working for a living, but her boyfriend, nope, no clue, so, not needed in a real world pandemic or other SHTF scenario.

[walls0stone]

I'm vauge as to who I talk about on here. The ones I would not let it could find it.

I share no DNA with any real bums. they would not need me. but some other relation could want in for free. I send those people ground meat and home grown food now becouse they are kin, but I have more friends who I love out of love, rather than common family tree..and I'd rather help them than be obligated to help those family members who have nothing to offer.

[bookwormom]

I know I will miss my family. folks can be a real asset and they will be great to have around, those who just want to sponge off can see where they stay, I do not want them. My own family, siblings and their children are hard workers, I would take in one of husband's brother's in a minute, the other, well, it would be charity, and his wife and kids should stay with her relatives, where they are so much better than we are.

[cinok]

$64,000 question how faw would you'll go get these people out or keep them away Im talking a realSHTF not a short term deal. Saying i wouldn't help doesn't really answer the question Could you do what nobdy wants to think about doing to someone never mind family

[Lake_Lady]

cinok,
You're right.........it is unthinkable and I couldn't turn away friends or family which is why no one knows about the property we're buying except my kids. Kinda makes it easy that way ;D

[Padre]

Too bad for me that the kids I aint so proud of know where my property is!Couldn't turn them away if they showed up.But I keep a hole dug just in case they bring their partner. ;D

[MYellowRose]

I have certain relatives that I would help and I wouldn't hesitate to meet the rest at the door with a loaded shotgun and run them off. They act like I don't exist and I don't really care all that much. I'd also run off my former SIL no matter what my daughter thinks, after the way he has treated her he a** isn't worth saving just because he fathered her kids.

[Clair_Schwan]

In a SHTF scenario, people who refuse to prepare will inumdate those who have tried to prepare. They wil sap resources, and prove to be liabilities. In a pandemic situation, they may be contagious - and will still expect your help. In a Flee situation, they may draw others to your place - "I KNOW where there's food/power/shelter!!!"

Bottom line, how much do you have and how much of it are you willing to lose, either over a short-term assistance or a long-term residential problem? What can they bring besides their empty hands? Will they work the garden, farm, animals, will they build, can they make their own bullets, are they worth anything at all? Or will they sit and expect you to wait on them, and whine about what they don't have and left behind?

WileyCoyote has just become one of my favorite people. If only she was a little more passionate about her views, didn't sugar coat things, and stopped beating around the bush, she'd be my favorite person. ;)

Seriously, I think it is reasonable to expect people to help others through life, whether they are family or not, but it is wrong to enable people to be irresponsible. After all, when you feed a dog, it's gonna come back for more, and it could come back in numbers.

With my scrap wood for winter heat, fossil fuel storage tanks, chickens and turkeys, and greenhouses with abundant fruits and vegetables, I've had more than a few people tell me that they'll be heading to my place if a disaster settles in.

They might not be entirely welcome, but they'll be heading in my direction anyway. So they say.

I am steadily making my homestead a place of abundance and self-sufficiency. I have more animal culture to create, and one of my greenhouses needs to get into full production, but I am making steady progress. My next major untertakings will be homemade electricity and gas.

The point to all of my comments is simple. I've seen that many of us are talking about SHTF scenarios and surviving in a hostile environment. I just want to (gently and respectfully) point out that survival is something that deer do in the winter, and I for one am not satisfied with just that.

My focus is being a "thrivalist". I intend to thrive no matter what conditions exist. My focus is to take a good portion of my cash and ingenuity, and turn them into resources that pay dividends for daily abundant living.

If we focused on thriving instead of surviving, then we might see well beyond stockpiling ammo, food and the like, and create a lasting culture of self-sufficiency where our freedom, health and peace of mind is really of our own making.

Good fortune to all my friends out there with a similar mission orientation (and of course my survivalist friends too).

[danielb]

For me I would have to bring the Mother in Law mostly because she is a doctor. As for all of my family they live 1000 miles away but know where to come if something happens. All of them know basic survival and living off of the land so i cant think of anyone in my family that I wouldnt bring in. Since my plan includes another complete family who he brings is up to him. However if it came to relatives(not family) they would have to have skills to earn their keep

[theresehirko]

We don't turn anyone away. That probably makes us suckers, but as Jews, we are commanded by G-d to help even our enemy (and his donkey). I currently have an idiot sister who decided to stay in New Orleans during Katrina and decided to stay for Gustav also. She was homeless after Katrina and apparently hasn't learned anything. My parents evacuated and are currently with us as we speak.

[Delmar_Morgan]

I got two brothers and three sisters,my oldest sister her kids would help her , but if they couldn't the I would the other two ones legaly blind and the other mentally challanged they live in the old home place a mile away I help them with the garden and canning or wood supply,my two brothers well thats a different story.Now for my wifes family I'm setting here scratching my head on that one.

[Archangel]

I've given this a lot of this a lot of too get friends and family ugh the last few days, I am trying to get friends and family to put two weeks of food and water, and a way to heat it back with winter coming on. Maybe the idea will grow.