And then the fight started

[flatwater]

My best friend's wife was standing naked in front of the mirror and was complaining about how her arms were flabby , her skin was saggy and she was starting to get a little ponch. She then looked at her husband and said. " I could use an incouraging word from you about now " So he said , " Well at least you have perfect eye sight " and the fight started

[Prairie]

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
Order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

[randallhilton]

We were getting ready to go out to dinner and she was worried that her little black dress was tighter than it once was.

Wanting to boost her spirits I chirped "Well Honey, I think you carry your weight pretty good for a woman your age . . . "

When the lights came back on, THEN the fight started.

[randallhilton]

Ever since high school my trusty '69 Ford pick up had never let me down. One fateful afternoon an idiot ran a red light, T-boning my faithful chariot, effectively ending its career.

My wife said "Well, honey, it looks like you'll finally be able to get rid of that ancient heap of iron"

Then the fight started. . .

[backlash]

A guy came home from the bar really late.
Lipstick on his collar and smelling like cheap perfume.
Slapped his wife on the fanny and said your next fatty.
There was no fight. Just a single gun shot.

backlash

[bookwormom]

that reminds of the couple going to a costume party. the wife did not know what to dress up as, so her DH said, you got so many varicose veins, why don't you go as a road map.

[randallhilton]

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion,
multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron
wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened
to YOU?'

'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my
wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our
golf balls into a field of cattle.

We went to look for them and while I was looking
around I noticed one of the cows had something white
at its rear end.'

'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough,
there was a golf ball with my
wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle
of the cow's fanny.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my
wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!''

'I don't remember much after that'

[MelleeRN]

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY! !!’

So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’

And then the fight started…..

[backlash]

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them," demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price."
And then the fight started

On the PA system: "Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down"

[bookwormom]

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started....
************************************************** **********************
My wife walked into the den and asked "What's on the TV?"
I replied "Dust".
And that's how the fight started...
************************************************** **********************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible.
I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And that's how the fight started...
************************************************** **********************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a scale.
And that's how the fight started...
************************************************** **********************
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's when the fight started...
************************************************** **********************
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's when the fight started...
************************************************** **********************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a 30 pack of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that's when the fight started...
************************************************** **********************
I took my wife to a restaurant (Chili's). The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started...

[TEX]

roflmao - I love them all - sorry nothing to contribute but the tears running down my face:)