A RETIRED PERSON'S RESPONSE TO A DUMB QUESTION:

[Ebug]

Yesterday, I was at PetsMart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my
Loyal pet, Angel the Wonder Dog. I was in the checkout line when the woman
Behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her, "No,
I don't have a dog. I am starting the Purina Diet again."

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital
Last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive
Care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both
Arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way it works
Is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets. Then you simply eat one or two
Every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works
Well, and I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled
With my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
Poisoned me.

I told her, "No, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a
Car hit us both."

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was
Laughing so hard. PetsMart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
World to think of crazy things to say!

May you... Live well, Love much, and Laugh often!

[Grizzy]

Ebug is so good to see the color has come back into your cheeks after your ordeal and now mine are hurt'n from laff'n at all this stuph... I wonder what pocket people leave their sense of humors in and how they're going to get thru the rest of their lives without having one... Thank you for this pause...
Grizzy :P

[Ebug]

Grizzy, Back in October 1998 I wrote a Musings for my weekly column and titled it "Humour." Perhaps this would be an appropriate thread to share it in.



MUSINGS BY GUBE

HUMOR


* *In our day to day contact with our fellow man we meet all sorts of individuals. Some of the people we meet seem to have burnt toast for breakfast every morning, and then there are those who are upbeat and have what we term a sense of humor and these are the folks that we really prefer to associate ourselves with

* *What is the definition of humor? How does it help us to maintain our balance as we walk down the pathway of life? I think a good understanding of why humor is necessary in everyday living is knowing what humor does. A sense of humor can help you overlook the unattractive, tolerate the unpleasant, cope with the unexpected, and smile through the unbearable. You might compare humor to a needle and thread-deftly used it can patch up just about everything. We have five senses but they are incomplete without the sixth- a sense of humor.

* *In looking over the get-well cards you see so many humorous ones that if you don't get sick you're missing a lot of fun. As tax time has come upon us I find it strange how an individual with no sense of humor can come up with such funny answers in their tax return.

* *I feel that God gave my wife a great sense of humor as he did many other women. It helps the wives understand the jokes that they married. I could have talked all day and not made that statement, but it is true. Speaking of the women folk, probably the first thing that they are apt to lose when they go on a diet is their sense of humor. I remember the sad looks on the faces of the girls in the exercise class down in Florida. They would come in first thing in the morning for their weigh in all smiles. The minute they stepped from the scales they lost their sense of humor.

* *Here it is springtime and Nature must have sense of humor to let spring fever and house cleaning come at the same time. Sure is difficult to do windows when you've contracted the spring fever.

* *In closing, I want to list a couple of real gems. A genuine sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to our steps as we walk the tightrope of life. Last, but very important, genuine humor is always kindly and gracious. It points out the weakness of humanity, but shows no contempt and leaves no sting. You can't buy it; you can’t trade for it. I believe it comes from positive thinking and looking on the sunny side of life.

Gube

[Grizzy]

Well Done, Gube! I've taken note that a sense of humor seems to come from one of two thot processes. Some people are light hearted and laugh easily because they have no intention of FIX'n the problems and therefore make it light on themselves...

But the other folks with a strong sense of humor are Strong People laughing because they WILL fix whatever the problem is, because they have an inner strength...

To keep this thread appropriate in the pet section of the forum I'll end with this... I've had a goat named Tucker, a dog named Wolfey, and a lil buckskin named Charles who had more of a sense of humor than most folks I know... and I loved 'em with alla muh heart...

(sigh) You just had to bring up winda wash'n din't yas...
(eyeball'n mine)

Grizzy

[remington]

I laughed for a solid five minutes! All the things I thought of and never said...

[EarthMama]

Yesterday, I was at PetsMart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my
Loyal pet, Angel the Wonder Dog. I was in the *checkout line when the *woman
Behind me asked if I had a *dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?





;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Too funny..... just TOO funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it!!

[crunchycon]

Funny stuff - thanks for making my morning! :D :D :D

[Ebug]

Funny stuff - thanks for making my morning! :D :D :D


Laughter is the cheapest luxury that man has. It stirs up the blood vessels, expands the chest, electrifies the nerves, clears away the cobwebs from the brain, and gives the whole system a cleansing rehabilitation

[gardenfay]

that is funny!

thanks

[MasterChief]

Laughing my butt off......that is the funniest thing that I have read in a long time. That was a great response. Thank God I was not in line behind you listening to this. I would have been rolling around on the floor red faced and hardly breathing from all the laughter. Great Post!!!

[backlash]

I'm going to tell my doctor that the next time she tells me to diet.

[offgridbob]

Yup read that on the e-mail a couple of years ago and I see it's still making the rounds, still funny though