PO'd at preschool teacher [Archive]

homemade_mamma

12-22-2009, 07:11 AM

Hey there everyone. I am so frustrated this morning that i have to vent a bit.

Our 3rd child has been going to our local preschool since this fall. The same one our older 2 kids did. I have always loved this school for it's small size and wonderful teachers. This preschool offers all day every day school free for our small rural area. So EVERYONE around here takes FULL advantage. Everyone but us. I have only ever sent our kids just mornings a couple of days a week. I teach our kids all they need to know b4 kindergarten, and I just send them for something fun with kids their age.

Our older 2 had a sweet teacher who never had a problem with our arrangement. The kids loved her. Well, now there is a new teacher this year. She was just blown away that we wouldn't be sending him full days all week. Gave me a bit of a look the first day when I told her this and i thought it was done with. Well, I was wrong.
Our son, as with all of our kids, are shy and reserved. He cries when I drop him off, but he gets on with the day as soon as I leave. About 2 months into the school year the teacher had enough of that. My husband was dropping him off one day and the teacher decided to tell him what she tought of that. BAD mistake. My husband doesn't take anyone, let alone some woman he doesn't know, telling him what he should be doing with out kids. She told him how terrible it is that we are not sending him everday, he cries, she has never seen any kid cry past the first day. "He really needs to come everday, he is behind" she says. Well, my husband told her what he thought of her ideas! I'm glad I wasn't there :)
Well, then arent/teacher conferences. I alone went, my husband won't go to that school anymore. Again she tried to tell me how terrible our idea is. "Kids have to know how to read b4 kindergarten" she says "He cries, he is behind". I just laughed at her! I mean, what could I say to this lady. IT'S preschool lady! I told her that preschool to us is just something extra for him to do and that I teach him at home. And he is NOT behind. He can even read and write a few words alond with already knowing all of his letters, numbers, ect.

Today was the last straw, I may not send him back after christmas. Not a big deal this morning but it just P!ssed me off! She woudn't even look at me or my son. Just completely ignored us. She always greats and helps the kids in the room every moring, but not us today.

I just can't stand teachers who think they know what is best for my kids. And to give me attitude about it. My only thought is that this school is just about to close. Iowa just cut all schools budgets by 15%. There are just as many teachers as there are kids in this prek-6 school. I think she is just trying to hold on to her job. Also could be the fact that we pulled our older 2 kids out 2 years ago to go to a neighboring school where their cousins go.

So there is my vent. I also welcome any thoughts on this and what would you do in this situation.

Thanks, Debbie

Cil

12-22-2009, 07:51 AM

I don't remember needing to read in preschool. Of course that was 40+ years ago. I'd set up an appointment with teacher AND principal before deciding anything. And tell hubby he'd better go this appt or your buddy Cil will kick his arse! ;)

I hope you feel better after your rant.

Prairie

12-22-2009, 09:07 AM

When our kids went to prek, we sent them full time, which I think was mon - fri, 12:30 - 2:30, I don't know if anybody else had a different schedule. As for being behind, it's prek! As long as you can wipe your own butt, and you know that crayons are for coloring with and not eating, you're not behind. Kindergarten is where they learned colors, animals, body parts, etc (if the parent's didn't already teach them, which I assume all did). Prek and K, are meant for the kids to learn to socialize and listen to the teacher and behave, to prepare them for Gr. 1. Thats it, although most parents just treat it as free childcare.

cinok

12-22-2009, 09:54 AM

We have the same type of free preschool in our boys school. Wish I had this years ago with my first wife and my oldest. I was paying big money for daycare. Both had the same rules they do require the child attends full time. With the fee based daycare even if your child was sick or you were on vacation you still had to pay the same. If you decided to keep your child home a few days a week you could lose your spot. This was based on the theory that children form habits and schedules. While I do not agree with someone who tells you how to raise your kids I don't think that is what the teacher is talking about. Just like any other teacher there has be pattern for the environment. While many on this forum are against public school and some answers may be based on that, I believe that a good school is a good school. The school my boys got to it is clearly visible of what children started in the schools pre school. The pre school in thier school does teach its not just fun and games. I am impressed with the skills the little itty biddies ones have. Most of them can read basic words in kindergarten and have "study" skills. My boys came into the school in 3rd grade and although they were good students in their old school they where behind the curve at their present school. When we asked the teachers and counselors about why the said they see this all the time with "transplants". The school worked them and so did we to bring them up to speed. The preschool teachers at my school are certified teachers for K-6 so they are more then just daycare providers. I really think the teacher may just be trying to look out for your kids and also the kids in the rest of the class. While I realize most parents want to spend time with their kids before they "grow up' can I make suggestion. Give the teacher a chance drop your child off daily and support the importance of school and see if the crying stops after a a few weeks and see if he becomes excited about going to school. I don't know if your school offers this but many of our preschoolers ride the bus also and they are assigned a big brother/sister on the bus never mind the other kids who watch out for them. We are also a small rural school and I think those values go for most . Good Luck to bad they cant stay babies for ever :)

Laura

12-22-2009, 10:29 AM

My husband was dropping him off one day and the teacher decided to tell him what she tought of that. BAD mistake. My husband doesn't take anyone, let alone some woman he doesn't know, telling him what he should be doing with out kids. She told him how terrible it is that we are not sending him everday, he cries, she has never seen any kid cry past the first day. "He really needs to come everday, he is behind" she says.

Imagine that.....someone who is a 'teacher' that knows your child better than YOU! Well that NEVER happens! :mad:
That would have been my son's last day!

Again she tried to tell me how terrible our idea is. "Kids have to know how to read b4 kindergarten" she says "He cries, he is behind". I just laughed at her! I mean, what could I say to this lady. IT'S preschool lady! I told her that preschool to us is just something extra for him to do and that I teach him at home. And he is NOT behind. He can even read and write a few words alond with already knowing all of his letters, numbers, ect.

Wow, she's pushy! Thanks for the opinion toot's but really, keep it to yourself.
What is different about your boy than the rest of the kids? For my son, he asked A LOT of questions (still does) I had teacher after teacher tell me he asks too many questions.......His 5th grade teacher was my last straw.
Maybe there is something there that she doesn't like? Too bad, you don't pay her to 'like'!!!

Today was the last straw, I may not send him back after christmas. Not a big deal this morning but it just P!ssed me off! She woudn't even look at me or my son. Just completely ignored us. She always greats and helps the kids in the room every moring, but not us today.

Now is this really the person you want to entrust a couple days a week, a couple hours a day with your son? Probably not. What a hag. Not that it will make a difference, but I will sit her down with the director of the pre-school and inform him (but I will assume it is a her) of this behavior and it is THIS behavior why you will not only be pulling your son, but you will NOT recommend this pre-school to anyone.

I just can't stand teachers who think they know what is best for my kids. And to give me attitude about it.

*this is a sassy tongue in cheek response*
Well, silly you! Don'tchaknow that teachers are all knowing all seeing!!! They along with the government that supplies them with their agenda, knows what's best for your child. Silly parent.....once your kids are weened, they belong to the state, because heavens know that we parents are grossly incompetent. Heck I don't even know how I get out of the rain without a teacher telling me what to do!!
Reason 1.234,954,620 why we home school.

I also welcome any thoughts on this and what would you do in this situation

I would hold a meeting w the director and the teacher telling them why I was pulling my kid out of the program.
I would pull my kid out of the program and that is that.
I would not recommend this program to anyone, and I would remember this woman's name, because if this school is closing she may find a teaching job somewhere else. The last thing you need is the hateful person in charge of your son again!!

All, JMHO.
Laura

homemade_mamma

12-22-2009, 11:33 AM

As long as you can wipe your own butt, and you know that crayons are for coloring with and not eating, you're not behind.

Aaaahahahaha, yes I so agree. There is only so much you can teach 4 year olds. Just because the world is getting more complicated doesn't mean evolution has caught up. I see this in the older grades too. How much can we expect to cram in their minds.

Cinok:
I see your point on forming habits and schedules. She very well could be coming from that point of view. But first impressions, body language, and attitudes can really effect how a person sees intentions. I don't see her as a genuine person so I can't give her the benefit of the doubt. This prek is also an accredited (sp?) prek and has always been more than playgroup. My children really have gotten so much out of that school. Maybe my attitude about parenting have changed as well over the years. I am learning that just because someone says it's good for kids, doesn't mean it is good for MY kids. My husband and I think so much different than most around here. We are very focused and building a strong base for our kids. Starting with keeping them close to us for a lot longer than most people. So i guess i really can't follow your advice on starting up with everyday. Our son really enjoys being home to help here on the farm. Working cattle, doing chicken chores, just playing with the dogs. I guess I am just want him to have his free years, because I know next year he will have to go.

Laura:
That is exactly the attitude I feal from her. Pushy and better than us. You should have heard my husband after that day! I would have thought the morning erruption would have been enough for him, but he insisted on picking him up that day too. She did it again at pick up, thinking she was going to change his mind or something. She doesn't know my husband very well. I think in an urban school he would be banned from the premises. HAHAHAHA!
As for what is different about our boy. I tell you the one HUGE difference in him than the other children in school He has never been cared for by anyone else but us and the occasional trip to grandparents. He never gets dumped on anyone because mommy works or mommy is tired of having kids underfoot. And he is the only one out of his class to live this way. I want to shake that teacher and say, What the H@ll lady, don't you think it is better for kids to be taken care of in their home than in a school!! I think she would support a family that values our children so much.
Now there are few families around here ARE "grossly incompetent" like you said most teachers think. I suppose that maybe how she has formed her opinions.
My husband told me just here at dinner that he doesn't think would should even bother with that school anymore and just don't even send him back. Well, I am not one for confrontation, But I think I will have a talk with her. I need to get more off my chest with her to be able to send him back. I will see what her attitude is when I explain to her in full our family ideals. Maybe she really has just never come across anyone like us before. If she is nasty, then I will go on to the pricipal.
And yes, personally, I think she is a hag too. LOL!!

Thanks for all your responses!
Debbie

Laura

12-22-2009, 03:04 PM

As for what is different about our boy. I tell you the one HUGE difference in him than the other children in school He has never been cared for by anyone else but us and the occasional trip to grandparents. He never gets dumped on anyone because mommy works or mommy is tired of having kids underfoot. And he is the only one out of his class to live this way. I want to shake that teacher and say, What the H@ll lady, don't you think it is better for kids to be taken care of in their home than in a school!! I think she would support a family that values our children so much

Well well well.......
Teachers (justifiable so) scream and yell "the parents aren't involved"!!!
Then they want to tell you (in so many words) that YOU are hindering your child because you DON'T dump him in "all day school" (IE DayCare).

Funny....I was told that my children would be "socially retarded" because much like you....they never went to day care, or had baby sitters, or went to over nights at friends houses.
Hmmmmmm
19 year old daughter is the delight of everyone she meets.
18 year old son is the Alternate Captain on his hockey team, doesn't swear to the refs or his players, or other teams parents (like the other kids) and is "the parents favorite" because he speaks in complete sentences, and is more than happy to hang out with them and talk about whatever!!
15 (almost 16 year old) daughter, again, the delight of everyone she meets!

I promise you this.......they didn't learn this from being confined within their age group for 40+ hours a week at school and day care.

Raising good children is not a mistake, it's not the schools responsibility, and it's not easy.

Sounds like she is a femi-nazi. Don't set your expectations too high....that way you won't be let down too far!:):wink:

TackKS

12-22-2009, 03:30 PM

One of our kids goes twice a week to pre-school. If the teachers there don't like it, they can pack sand.

You are doing to right thing. Pre-school is for the kids to socialize and play with the other kids. If they learn something, fine. Achievement in learning is for regular school.

momma_to_seven_chi

12-22-2009, 04:55 PM

I also welcome any thoughts on this and what would you do in this situation.

Thanks, Debbie

Simple answer-- homeschool. The "attitude" you describe all boils down to the simple question, "who owns the children?" The teacher feels the state owns them, and you have no right to parent them because she can do it better. So, who do you believe owns the children?
Homeschooling is what I would do in this situation. That's my thoughts on the situation.

Builder Ken

12-24-2009, 08:34 AM

I am not a expert on this but I do have 4 kids so maybe I am lol ages 22,10,6 & 4. I will say this every child is different and should be dealt with accordingly. We looked at the daycare preschool thing in the light of social skills. Every child needs to learn how to play with others outside the home and what is socially exceptible and what is not. We take the approach that as parents it's our job to prepare them for school (as far as reading and such) not a "teacher". My 6yr old son is in public school now and we have had some issues with other kids that have made the mistake of hitting him!! In my house you do not hit another and if they hit you it's your job to stop the threat NOW. I have found that public schools have a different mind set. I think every child needs to be around other children but they can learn a lot of bad habits from others especially when the teacher doesn't control the kids. It's a tough call in these times I have my opinion on what they should be taught if I could I would home school, just not a option at this point. PS I heard that 46% of the unemployed are college grads.... What's important in these crazy times????? Ken

farmmilkmama

12-25-2009, 07:54 PM

Before I got married, I was a preschool teacher.
I have many friends who are teachers. Quite a few of them are kindergarten teachers.

I will say that public school and what they expect of kids is not what it used to be 20, 10 or even 5 years ago. My friends who are teachers are amazed at the things the school now wants a kindergartner to know. My mom (who is 48) often tells me she didn't remember learning anything about reading until 1st grade. I am 30, and the kindergarten I remember was mostly social time. My friend who is a K teacher tells me how stressful it is to be a teacher with the "stupid expectations they have for kids now". Standardized timed testing in Kindergarten? Wanting the kids reading at a certain level in kindergarten? Wow. I don't know what the rules are educationally in the state you're in, but I can totally see a PREschool teacher making some off the cuff statement like that here. Do I agree with it? No. I think its insane. But you said she's a new teacher...as in new to the school or new just OUT of school? It could totally be something she was taught as true. (Just going from what I've heard here.)

We homeschool our kids. That being said, I don't think if someone is having issues with a school you can immediately just say "You should homeschool!!" because I don't think its as easy as just deciding and doing it the next day. It's kind of like telling someone if you don't like the weather where you live...just up and move! Right now! Yes, its an obvious choice, but not as easy as just packing up and movin' tomorrow. Homeschooling is an option, but I think, depending on the school and where you live (etc. etc. etc....) there are probably other options as well.

Just my buck fifty.

Travis

12-29-2009, 09:51 AM

Parent of 3 here and have seen both sides of preschool.

Oldest went to a Montessori preschool all day everyday and she was way ahead come kindergarten. She learned to read, colors, shapes, numbers. When she was tested in kindergarten she was at the top of the chart so much so they wanted to excel here.

My younger 2 went to the local 1/2 day preschool and learned colors and numbers and generally just played and socialized.

But with all of our kids we worked with them at home that is what parents are suppose to do. I would not tolerate a teacher telling me what I was doing is wrong, nor would I let her tell me with out solid proof that my kid was behind. My youngest 2 are twins are they are behind in school and are tested alot and I get a copy of a "test" that shows me where they are at and where others there age are at so I know what needs to be done.

I would definetly talk to the principal about this issue and let him/her deal with it. IMHO many teachers do not get enough support from parents so having one taking on the bulk of teaching may be foreign.

pamsabear

12-29-2009, 10:48 AM

"Funny....I was told that my children would be "socially retarded" because much like you....they never went to day care, or had baby sitters, or went to over nights at friends houses."

It's always amazing to me that people focus so much on socialization with peers. Then they complain when children act badly due to peer pressure and have no regard for their parents.

I want my daughter to be socialized to her family. I want her to turn to her family during times of trouble, not her (equally inexperienced) peers.

If they are teaching academics to preschoolers there is a serious problem. It used to be that children didn't even go to school until first grade. What's the rush? Why should preschoolers be competing with each other academically?

Pam

cinok

12-29-2009, 02:15 PM

If they are teaching academics to preschoolers there is a serious problem. It used to be that children didn't even go to school until first grade. What's the rush? Why should preschoolers be competing with each other academically?

Pam

Things have changed, Kindergarden is no longer fun and games. Some school's require a test to get in. I am not trying to be mean but when you have alot of kids who went to preschool or daycare and a few that didn't and the parents did not work with them that group slows down the class and it could also slow down the class past kindergarten. Some school districts are have easier curriculum while some are more advanced. We constantly ask why our schools are failing and our kids are not learning anything, could it be that our "perception" of what kids should be learning in Pre-K and Kindergarten are old school. i can tell you the math and English my boys are learning in 6TH grade is at least 8-10 grade from my days. That's why I don't like them looking over my shoulder when i am typing nothing like a 6th grader telling you that you have a fragmented sentence or you need a comma here. :D

Builder Ken

12-29-2009, 03:45 PM

Pamsbear I am talking about social skills that will allow a child to get along with others that may have a different upbringing than they do. Unless you are independently wealthy and your children will never have to work, at some point in life they will be in direct contact with someone who has different thoughts and mindsets than them. The ability to succeed in life is more about social interaction than academic excellence. It is way easier to teach social skills at a young age than later in life and it's easier for them to learn in a classroom setting than at home. Example if dad is setting in the recliner at home after a big supper of beans and cornbread and passes gas and the 5yr old is present then in his eyes that's not a problem but what happens when he gets to school and does the same. Kids are the cruelest little things on earth and things like bad social behavior can stay with kids their entire school life. That's how kids get nicknames like "Stinky". Ken

Laura

12-30-2009, 05:09 AM

It's always amazing to me that people focus so much on socialization with peers. Then they complain when children act badly due to peer pressure and have no regard for their parents.

I want my daughter to be socialized to her family. I want her to turn to her family during times of trouble, not her (equally inexperienced) peers.

If they are teaching academics to preschoolers there is a serious problem. It used to be that children didn't even go to school until first grade. What's the rush? Why should preschoolers be competing with each other academically?

Pam

Totally agree with you Pam!

It's been years since my kids went to pre-school (about 14).
Here's what they "did" in pre-school.
It was 3 days a week, 2.5 hours a day (9am-11:30am).
They came in, put their coats up, went to the desks.
They colored papers, they listened to stories, they did some group circle time activities, they prepared for the christmas show and the graduation show. They learned the months of the year (in song). They did calendar. They worked on telling time.
They worked on sitting in their chairs, quietly.
They worked on playing nicely with others.
They went on field trips to the firehouse, pumpkin patch, and the apple orchard.
The class size was about 13-15 kids.

Basically what *my kids experienced* in pre-school was training on how to be in a classroom setting. They didn't do math or science papers, they didn't diagram sentences. They were taught how to read a clock, how to read a calendar, how to follow orders, how to act / react to a room full of kids their age. and how to follow a routine. All very good and useful things. Things they would need to know and know well moving into kindergarten.

Kindergarten was more of the same. Only they added the 3 R's.
First grade is where they started getting down to business.

90% of the kids coming into Kindergarten (in my community) had been through at least one year of pre-school. Most of them, 2 years, and a few of them had been in some sort of institutional setting (day care / pre-school since they were 2).
Pre-K and Kindergarten were for "social adjustment" to school life.

Now, kids are put into day care at 6 weeks of age, and grow up in some sort of 'structured institutional environment', and then are placed in all day Kindergarten....all of their social interaction has been within their peer group, in a controlled environment...no social taming is required in pre-K.....that explains why they are trying to get pre-k's to do calculus! They figure those kids should already be trained to sit and behave and get a long.....now lets get to the math! Whoo Hooo!!

Long gone are the days of discovering Creation with a spoon in the back yard, or with an old book to press leaves in. So many think that by shoving a book under a child's nose that some how we have done him a great favor.:(

Pokeberry Mary

12-30-2009, 06:49 AM

You can always (at least so far) choose not to be part of the preschool. You can't choose relatives or near neighbors.

Some of us have the fun of being closely related to pushy, nosey, opinionated folks-- and get to spend holidays with the lovely dears too. Please pass the gravy--did I mention how fat you are lately? Or how you screwed up your kids by homeschooling them? Or how I have more $$ than you?? 'dear'. Maybe you should do ___________ as I suggest rather than ___________that you -less worthy one-thought of doing?

Take him out. I did it with one of my kids at 3. They don't need to be there anyhow. UNLESS he wants to be-- don't put up with her.

Just be glad its only the pre K teacher and not a next door neighbor or family member. ;)

Terri

12-30-2009, 04:54 PM

When my son entered K, about 10 years ago, the kids were expected to ALREADY know their letters, their numbers, and be able to read a few easy words like "cat".

It sounds like the child of the OP is right where he is supposed to be.

homemade_mamma

01-05-2010, 08:34 AM

So winter break is over and husband and I have mulled it over these last few weeks. We decided no more school. I am relieved for the most part. I called the pricipal this morning to let her know this and our take on the situation. She was very agreeable and wanted to know what lead us to our decision. My main reason was because of the PK teacher's attitude and let her know that we didn't appreciate being made to feal our son's fate was in her hands alone. And that we were doing something just terrible. I emphisized that we have a different mind set than so many families around here and want to make sure our son's young learning is at home. She appreciated our view, I am surprised. SHe told me the teacher's view was most likely coming from the standards put apon schools by the gov't. But she felt bad that the teacher made us mad. And that is enough for me,I don't like them telling me what to do, so I didn't want to tell her what I thought she should do with that teacher.
We both agreed that it is a shame that big goverment is only giving funds to schools that meet THEIR standards and have no room for smaller schools and the special ways that they run.

As for the PreK teacher, I still will be getting a call from her. I would rather talk in person. I have to go in to collect some things that my son has there. I really hope she puts it all out there so I set her straight. Not that I need to explain myself, but I love to educate those people that have gotten "lost" in this new age of crap. I want to make sure she knows that there IS still parents that don't need a teacher to raise their kids. Maybe if she comes across some another day she won't be such a... (female dog) about it ;)

Laura

01-05-2010, 01:43 PM

I really hope she puts it all out there so I set her straight. Not that I need to explain myself, but I love to educate those people that have gotten "lost" in this new age of crap. I want to make sure she knows that there IS still parents that don't need a teacher to raise their kids. Maybe if she comes across some another day she won't be such a... (female dog) about it

Unless blue is your favorite color.......I wouldn't hold my breath!:eek:

Good for you! You did the right thing lady!!
Laura

cartershan

01-20-2010, 08:58 PM

That is just insane that your pre-k teacher spoke or even feels that way about you, your children, or how you raise them. Let me say now how completely wrong that is.
I teach k-3 special education in alabama. In the state of alabama, your kindergarten aged child is supposed to be able to read 20 WORDS PER MINUTE. Yes, they are timed and given a passage to read. IF they can read 20 words per minute by the end of their kindergarten year, then they are considered AVERAGE. It jumps to 60 words per minute by the end of their 1st grade year and they have to answer questions orally about the passage that they have read. They are considered average if they hit the 60 wpm mark. Not to speak of, in my experiences as a teacher, it makes them hate to read. Who wants to read out loud to someone with a timer and a booklet of questions? Even as an adult? How crazy is that?
But, thats the state for you. Setting unreasonable goals. Imagine the teacher that has to tell those kids parents that didn't make it, that their kid is not even average as the state sees it. It sucks
They are just still babies at that time. Just learning how to function in the world.
Any how, teachers are under an incredible amount of pressure to get this task accomplished with their students. (that is no excuse for how your pre-k teacher treated you) Pre-K in Alabama, if its a public pre-k also has a set of requirements that each child should meet in order to be average. Every sound each letter can make with any number of letter combinations, etc.
Just saying, she is probably trying to just get her numbers in.
I'm really sorry that happened

nhlivefreeordie

01-21-2010, 07:27 AM

Unfortunately this is happening every day throughout the whole country, and in my estimation it is totally wrong. PARENTS, not teachers or administrators can tell you how to educate YOUR children. Some parents that agree with this type of teaching, do so for different reasons. Some are just totally indoctrinated by this BS and believe that someone else is more capable than them in teaching their children ( probably a learned response ) some are just too lazy to take the initiative to teach their own children, and then look down their noses at people who do. They do this to satisfy their own pathetic sense of being a good parent. Some parents have no choice ( or think they don't ) and have to send their kids to the government schools. I did this ( one of my worst decisions ) but also spent the entire dinner hour and a couple thereafter going over the kids school day with them and correcting the false bs ( ie global warming ) and social crap that is mandated or desired by certain schools. After the first couple years, the teachers knew if they crossed the line, I would be in their face the very next day, and be at the school board meeting next session. Several parents banded together and we were successful of at least turning it back to some extent, but you have to understand, a lot of those called to this profession are ideologues, they actually believe their own crap. So don't spare them any quarter, they need to be defeated, your children are at stake.

nhlivefreeordie

01-21-2010, 08:05 AM

My 6yr old son is in public school now and we have had some issues with other kids that have made the mistake of hitting him!! In my house you do not hit another and if they hit you it's your job to stop the threat NOW. I have found that public schools have a different mind set. Ken

LOL, this brought back some memories. I know exactly what you mean. I had the same problem with my middle son and school. Of the three boys, he is the one of the three who decided at about 3 months old that he wasn't taking crap from anyone. Don't get me wrong, he has a lot of friends, and they have been friends since Kindergarten, he is 30 now and married with kids of his own. All of the friends and their families still hang together, and strangely, they all raise their kids the same way today.
Anyhoo, several times while in elementary school I got called to come to the school because Jared had been in a fight. I was already aware of potential problems with certain kids as we discussed everything at the dinner table. He did take my advice and try to avoid confrontation, but when he had no other choice, he took care of the problem.
I will never forget the principle of the elementary school telling me ..." We prefer to teach turning the other cheek and finding ways to agree with each other...." I told her that was fine, FOR HER KIDS!!....my kids were being taught to not look for trouble, but don't let it get away unscathed if it insisted on visiting them.
Finally it all came to a head in middle school. We had been having the discussion about a certain kid giving him trouble at school, it went on for a couple weeks, while my son tried to avoid it. The other kid spread around the school that they were fighting after school, my son did not know this until he tried to leave school, they whole student body was there to witness, as kids do. With no way out, my son proceeded to beat the hell out of the antagonist, breaking his nose, orbital bone, and jaw. There were messages waiting on my phone when I got home from the school, and the kids dad.
Since I knew the family of the other kid, my son and I piled into the truck and went to their house. The other kids face was a mess, it actually made me feel sorry for a brief moment. He had told his father, my son had started it.....LOL, after a few phone calls to other kids, the kid finally admitted to the weeks long antagonizing of my son. The other dad changed his demeanor as well after the admission. I told him that what ever his insurance deductible was, I would pay half of that, and nothing more. I wasn't done, the next day we went to the school, where the principle and guidance councilor told me they were considering expelling my son. At that point I stopped them in their tracks and told them there was NOTHING they could legally do as the kids were off school grounds when the altercation took place. It was also none of their business now, as the bullying had been going on for weeks IN SCHOOL and they saw no need to address it then, and lastly that fight, with all of the student body watching, guaranteed my son would never have to fight again while attending this school district. Then I proceeded to tell them to just try doing anything against my boy, and they would regret it.
My son apologized to me profusely for what happened, I told him having the truth on his side meant NOT having to say he was sorry. I told him I was proud of him, and that the $250 for the other parents deductible was money well spent for me.
He NEVER had another kid challenge him ever again. He now is a manager at a company that makes parts for McDonald Douglas, NASA, and Boeing, well adjusted, successful, and following the same line with his kids. Yes, my 5 year old grand daughter has already made it clear to her classmates, " if you pick on me, you will be picking yourself up off the floor."
Pacifism is a character flaw in my opinion. Walk silent and carry a big stick is good advice.

Terri

01-21-2010, 05:51 PM

Cartershan, that must be very hard for you.

I know that my son just HATED all of the stories that the K kids were given, so I let his grade slide. He did not understand about grades anyways.

As it turned out, the teacher WOULD have accepted him reading the train books that he favored, but I did not understand that and so I tap danced around the subject of his reading the stories at home. I SO wanted him to enjoy reading!

And, so he does. He now prefers computer games but he reads EXTREMELY well, now, thanks to a stack of books on trains.

He turned out to have aspergers, actually, though we did not know that at the time. I just saw that he hated stories about talking animals. Animals do not talk and he did not believe the stories. A talking TRAIN he would accept, LOL, but our cats did not talk and he had zero interest in talking cats. He KNEW better!!!!!!!!!!!

cartershan

01-21-2010, 08:01 PM

Hi Terry, it doesn't sound to me like you tap danced around anything. You just saw what your child needed to learn to read. That is wonderful! National Geographic has tons and tons of books that are informational text. Ex., series on volcanoes, weather, countries, planets etc. They have books written on 1st through 12th grade readability levels. My daughter loves these and has read most of them. I will have to find the web address for it, but they will send you a lot for free. ( not having to purchase anthing.) A lot of children (and adults) don't read fiction/fantasy type things. To read for information is much more fascinating to a lot of people. Me included. If you would like, I can find the web address and all the how to's to get set up with National Geographic and pm that to you. I bet your little one would enjoy them.

I love my job. I love teaching kids to read. Its like watching them at Christmas open a gift that they weren't expecting. That is one reason I ended up switching over to special education. There is still a lot of accountability for teachers to move their students so much per year in reading, but in special ed. you can take a child WHERE THEY ARE IN READING and work up. Rather than have someone else (that doesn't know the student) tell you where to start.

A canned program of anykind, whether it reading, or living life, does not work. IMHO. Shannon

nhlivefreeordie

01-21-2010, 08:30 PM