Irritated

[mtwildflower]

Okay...school's been out for us since last week and I for one am glad we can have the summer to NOT run around like chickens and be slave to someone else's schedule for awhile.

Last week, I had a teacher stop by my house and let me know that my daughter's tennis team was having a BBQ in the park for an end of the season type deal and would we mind bringing a salad or dessert. No prob, we'll be there.

"Oh, and we also decided to have each girl chip in $15 for a gift for the coaches, so I will need that tomorrow as well." she told me.

Didn't say anything, thought that daughter may have volunteered to pay her own money for a gift. Come to find out that the girls voted on it, daughter voted no, and didn't want to spend $15 and knew we wouldn't either, however she was in the minority and expected to cough over the dough.

Okay, sorry, but I cannot see how 11 girls need to kick in 7.50 for each coach so that each coach can be given a $82.50 gift.

Furthermore, I really really resent being told what HAS to be kicked in, instead of being ASKED if I would LIKE to kick in something. Frankly $15 is a lot for us right now.

And, to add insult to injury, I found out that this teacher ( who had a daughter on the team and was not a coach herself, just to clarify) and her daughter are going on a class trip to Boston and the area this week. I overheard other people talking about it and that the price for each person "wasn't bad" at "only" $1800 per person ( airfare, room etc, ) So, this woman who came to my door is going with her daughter at $1800 EACH.

Do I begrudge them that? No, but it makes clear how incredibly insensitive they are as to how hard $$$ is to come by for some people.

We skipped the $15 and my daughter gave each coach a nice handwritten thank you note and a jar of chokecherry jam. I figured that was enough.

[epeterd1]

Sounds like the right idea. That's a heck of a lot of money to fork over for presents for the coaches. I wouldn't pay over $5 for that myself. They could easily come up with a nice gift for $25 for the coaches. The notes and jam are more personal anyway. Good for you.

[daffodil]

Why should you have to pay anything? They are coaches because they want to be coaches, no gift required. But it was nice of you to give the note and jam. I've run into the same problem when they are collecting at jobs for bosses. I can hardly survive and they want me to give money to buy a gift for someone who is well off. Makes no sense.

[tufhelp]

I agree; the solution you employed was perfect, adequate and fitting. Handmade, heartfelt (if she likes the coach…) and keeping in tune with thanking the coaches for their volunteer efforts. Especially in tight times like these, I hate that "lets all kick in" mentality - with us it is usually at work. It always seems to be some superior that makes more money than the sweating masses who are anteing up for their “special” event. They make $2000 a week and we make $2000 a month. I ain't kidding, I think Lindawoman is coughing up, it seems like every week, because somebody has passed gas or some other equally ephemeral event, and she often faces ostracizing (sometimes subtle, sometimes not so subtle…) should she not participate... The only thing she came up with that took the edge off was having a “group” birthday celebration once a month for the birthdays in that month – one sheet cake for everyone instead of 1 or 2 “parties” every week of every month. I’m sure the muck-lucks liked that as well for the possibility of increasing productivity a bit with less partying…

But I digress… Good job on the alternate method and I hope daughter won’t suffer any slings and arrows over it, and biggest hope of all, the coaches really appreciated their heartfelt gifts more that the probably useless store bought $80.00 +/- crap. Soap box being stored as I bring this tome to an end…

[flatwater]

Are these coaches paid to coach by the school ? or are they volenteers ?

[jen_in_southtexas]

I hate it that now-a-days there has to be any amount of money asked of everyone for a gift for someone. Some kind words and a Thank You in my book are good enough. If you want to give them something, I too, think that a homemade gift is way better than any store bought gift. A simple luncheon or pot-luck would be just fine with me too. But asking students for money is uncalled for. Just my opinion.

-jen

[cinok]

Maybe I am the odd ball here but when our boys played football in the peewee league K-4. There was always an end of the season party. Each parent kicked in what they could, we got a discount at a local pizza joint and each coach ate for free and also got a trophy for coaching that year along with a card that said thanks. Each team had at least 4 coaches who gave up a lot of their time as volunteers. We had parents who where in tough spots and those who where much better off. In the end every one's name was on the card and at the party. This was something that was talked about at the practices and the games before any decisions were made. We did have parents who complained that this should have been discussed, but it was always the ones who never stayed for practice or even to watch their kids play.Remember they are volunteers who help your child learn to work as a team and develop skills.

[mimipaula1]

We have been on every side of this dilemna--my husband and I have voluntarily coached, our herd of kids played for volunteer coaches, and we have children who coach professionally, as well as voluntarily.

My husband and I have raised a total of 17 children, with the most we had in the house at one time was 9. If we had chipped in $15 for every coach who instructed my kids, we'd be in the POOR HOUSE!

When the "team mom" came asking for donations, I would either share a nominal sum (less than $5) or say, "Oh, we put little gift for Coach ourselves and my child has all ready given it to him/her." End of discussion. Usually I would make something handmade or write a note of appreciation or, better yet, have my child write a note sharing what they had learned under the coach's leadership. To this day, when I see some of the folks who coached my kids, they will invariably mention the gifts of homemade dewberry jam, A-Plus Pumpkin Bread, or homemade Christmas ornaments that they received from our family.

Folks, it's not a GIFT if somebody has to twist your arm to make you GIVE! Just give or don't give as you can/want to and don't let folks GUILT you into doing anything else!

Just my opinion!

[WileyCoyote]

The kids' football team that I used to announce and run the scoreboard for had a Booster club of parents. They ran a concession stand - shux, they brought their deep fryers and grills and sold fish dinners and hot dogs and hamburgers! They made enough to not only pay for the "geedunk" - the candies and cokes -but to throw a party (catered) at the end of the season, and to get each kid a participating trophy, coach a trophy, and even gave me a trophy every year too! The only thing the kids ever paid was the $15 at the first of the year for signup, and for their own pads and helmets (we got business-owners' scholarships for those kids who couldn't afford them). The city bought uniforms every three years.

Some folks have no conception of cost, and they should be more sensitive to those who do. Some folks couldn't work the concession stand, but were not 'flagged' for doing so. Seems to me that the best thing to do is to be a 'team mom' and get out there next time and make sure that the kids and parents learn to WORK for things, not be able to vote away someone else's hard-earned cash.

[leera]

I think what you decided was perfectly fine.I sure as heck think coughing up $15.00 per team mate is way too much.....

[mtwildflower]

Are these coaches paid to coach by the school ? or are they volenteers ?


I beleive they receive a very small stipend for the season, which one coach pretty much turned around and bought treats for the girls whenever they had an away meet.

It's not that I'm not appreciative, I very much am. I just think it's incredibly rude for others to assume you're on board without ASKING you.

[Anon001]

My only comment is that the coaches would most likely understand and probably feel a bit embarrased at such gifts as $80+... The homemade gifts are probable more meaningful and appreciated more than the one the soccer moms bought! LOL I bet he will remember your daughter's gift longer than the others.

[Texasbound]

I coached baseball for 15 years as a volunteer coach. We never placed lower than 2nd in city and went to regionals 8 times. I simply state this to explain that we always ran very a quality team with great kids. Never once did I expect any type of gift, reward or compensation. I did it for the love of the game and time with the kids. If the team had pooled money and spent it on me, I would have been pissed. Most of our kids were from broken homes, or lacked money. The biggest reward to this day, is when I'm around town and one of my former players comes up to me and calls me 'coach'. I occasionally had to deal with some of those high dollar parents who wanted families to pitch in $ for uniforms, gear, snacks, etc. I usually put a quick stop to it and paid for it myself since I had the means. A personal gift is ALWAYS best, mean more and are remembered.