How to live on less? [Archive]

Dobelo17

08-01-2008, 07:35 AM

Hi all
This subject had probably been covered so point me in the right direction please?? ??? I received a jolt at work from my temporary boss yestureday that my hours at work could be cut in half. SHe has this Idea that suddenly I am only garenteed 2 hours per day. How do I take a cut like that with spend aholic for a husband, two kids one of wich is going to college this fall? I just sent in the loan papers for his schooling at
the beginning of the week. I have been trying to get a
budget going, planted a bigger garden and would like to quit using our credit cards. The more I save the
more he spends. THe stress is killing me. I plan on
canning all I can but we heat with gas and our prepay is going to be due next month. Any help would be great from someone that has been threw the samething
and can give me some tips so I don't lose my sanity.
Oh by the way I told him last night that I might be losing half my Hours at work and he just blew me off.
He was on his way out the door to go to colorado to hunt Prarie dogs. THey are driving to colorado from WI
to stay with a friend and hunt praire dogs and driving back on Sunday. What do you do with the Praire dogs that you SHoT?? THere can't be very much meat on them is there? Also got a call from my mother today
her light bulb needed to be changed for the 3rd time this week. I asked if her light fixrue had a problem.
SHe says no I just bought generic light bulbs. I have spent more god dam money on gas this week then
the exspensive light bulbs I boght that are suppose to
last for five years. Are people really that stupid or am I
just blessed to live around a bunch of ass wholes??
Just lost and wondering???

Naughty_Pines

08-01-2008, 07:57 AM

Dobelo17
My pension has reached the end of the ten year annuity of advanced social security. Pension will drop from $1700+ a month to $560 a month. I don't know if social security will increase since I turned 65 in July, probably not $1200 I loose on my pension. :'(

Gracie

08-01-2008, 10:53 AM

Hello Dobelo,
As read your post, kept thinking, were I in your shoes, I would be frustrated, fearful & overwhelmed.
Not knowing your work situation, and don't even know if this is a consideration, but do you @ your work site have a working Union. All I know of them is they once helped a bunch of ladies I worked with. The new administrator was determined to take our days off and reassign them to her scheduling system. Thanks to the Union's intervention, we were able to keep what worked best for each of us. Wish had more helpful info. to share.
Your frustration with your spouse, could you go to a clergyman/woman to discuss your situation. Everyone has to have someone to talk things over with. It sounds as if you are holding the responsibility of & for your family alone. Dobelo, (obviously) am not a counselor nor judgmental...God Bless You, you've got a lot of issues on your plate.
Your financial crunch, wish I knew something to help, as it seems we all are hit with that but in varying degrees, all depends on circumstances. What I do know is here @ BWH, there is a wealth of info., thanks to a lot of good people who generously share their knowledge. Am pretty new as a member myself, but check out the specific forums as often as possible, both in current entries, and older posts. Grab a good cup of coffee (or tea), your note book (for making notes to help you now and for in your future plans), and jump into the forums. Those I've found most helpful are: Homesteading, Other self-reliance issues, Canning/preserving, Other food-related issues, Farm,garden/flowers/shrubs/trees & Frugal living. Knowledge is empowering. The more helpful/beneficial info. you glean, the more 'tools' you have to do what needs done.
Do hope this is somehow helpful, and wish you and yours the very best! Gracie

Dobelo17

08-01-2008, 05:52 PM

Naughty Pines,
Sorry to hear about your situation it sounds worse then
mine. Do you have a back up plan of any kind? I was working on mine to get away from my husband but with
the work situation looking this way It will take alot longer. I hope something changes for you. Not much help I know but I wish you the best.

Becky :-/

rockymtngirl

08-01-2008, 06:05 PM

Hi Dobelo - I'm in CO and as far as I know you cannot eat prairie dogs - they are big carriers of disease including plague. Most people shoot them just to get the dang things off their land.

Is there a food bank in your area? I know this saved my daughter when she was going through a similar situation.

Can you set up a separate bank account under your name only to try and get a small savings going?

Any way you can cancel your credit cards without his sign off?

Last resort - can you kick him out? I've done it - it really sucks, but the stress level goes down!

I wish you all the best - hang in there - you are not alone!

Kirstin

Deberosa

08-01-2008, 06:12 PM

Wow, I am so sorry every time I read of your situation. Can you get something else at all? I know that's a tall order for this economy. What about making something to sell? That's tough too though because my mom is trying that in PA and the craft fairs are no longer a place for selling things. She works part time at the amusement park in the summer to make ends meet.

The trouble is your husband keeps digging you in deeper it sounds. I can only tell you what I would do in that situation. I would cancel the cards to stop the bleeding at least. Maybe you can get a separation agreement without a divorce that will at least divide up fiscal responsiblity if you don't want to get the divorce. At least so it doesn't continue to get worse. Quite frankly I would just bug out but that's just me, no one has the right to drag a partner down like that. I know it's till death do you part but the other person has to take some responsiblity in that. Of course I don't have kids either so your situation is so tough!

However back to your question aside from your situation. I've been thinking about that and thinking about how I lived so much more cheaply 30 years ago and more. What if I removed everything from my life (or the really superfluous things) that I didn't have and didn't even miss 30 years ago. Microwave? Processed food? gadgets of miscellaneous kinds? I didn't have air fresheners, very very few paper towels, never heard of a latte! All of my quilts etc. I made from scraps or crocheted, etc.
Of course can't get rid of the computer that's my money maker now!
Anyhow maybe taking stock of where the money goes now (at least the part you have control of) and what is being spent today that you didn't have "way back" and didn't miss either.

Dobelo17

08-01-2008, 06:14 PM

Hi Gracie,

We do have a union where I work but it seems like they
worry more about the full-time employees then us part-
timers. The full-time person has been there longer then I have and they will not change her schedule at all because the union will back her. I work at the Post
Office the way they do things is by senority. SHe has
more senority and even though they don't have enough
work for her to do in the position she holds she still
gets 40 hrs. SO they take from my positon to give her the hours even though she doesn't do any of my work.
It is confusing to me she has wanted to retire for the last 6 yrs and has been costing in her work so the rest of us have to take up the slack. They are going to offer retirement bye outs this fall and she tells me she is going to work for another 7 yrs. SHe can't even walk up a flight of stairs without sounding like she has run a
mile. Last time they cut hours at work the other clerk we used to have and I called about six time a piece
they never showed up. Miss full time called about a
problem she had and they showed up the next day.
The other clerk withdrew from the Union after that.
The promoted her and did away with that position at
our office. I have been to see a counselor for HUbby
Honey we even went together. You have never seen
such a loving husband infront of the counselor. I will
change what ever I need to so this marriage can work
that lasted about a year and a half. Now he is just a better Liar. That is how he keeps me from leaving
he has us so far indebt that I would need fort knox
to get out of hear. However I will be leaving when my daughter goes to college. I don't need to worry so much about insurance and such when ther is just me.

Thank you for your prayers and answers.

BEcky

Dobelo17

08-01-2008, 06:27 PM

Hi Kristin,

I have been stasing away a small amount of money and
have about $1000.00 in my safe deposit box. He has
access to that box so am moving it to another place.
He snoops threw all my stuff so he sometimes finds
anything I try to do. I had a Post Office box and he
found a magazine I stuffed in the glove box of my car and had a fit I told him I setit up for my Boer goat operation I was trying to set up. He bitched about until I got rid of it. I am not good at the hiding and lying thing but am getting better just to survive. I know that sounds stupid but I will give you an example. I sold all
my animals due to mu allergys so now I get BWH and some of the books from here and want to make a small
cabin out in the woods we have here. I bought a book from this sight and he found it. I got told that I waste most of our money on stupid books with things I will never be able to do anyway. The dam book only cost
$14.00 this is the same guy that just drove to CO to hunt praire dogs worried about money I think not.
I guess if we loose the house and all of his toys tha will
be to bad. I don't care anymore. Thanks for your
help.

BEcky

rockymtngirl

08-01-2008, 07:16 PM

Becky - You seem so sweet, it just breaks my heart to hear how hubby treats you - he is mentally and emotionally abusive to you. Be strong - make your decision (whatever that may be) and don't waver. You deserve to be happy

Blessings to you

Naughty_Pines

08-01-2008, 07:17 PM

Becky,
Thank you for your reply. No, I don't have a backup plan. Have never needed one till now. I'm a country boy wanna be, I'll survive some how. Considering selling my body, LOL.
I hope your situation works out for the best for you.
Best wishes to you.
Jerry

Dobelo17

08-01-2008, 07:34 PM

Hi Deberosa,
I have been trying to think how we used to
get by on alot less also. I have cut out goingto Mcdonalds. Trying to cook our meals here at home
packing lunches. It seems like I just can't get ahead.
I can't get acrossed to hubby honey that if you spend all the money you make in each pay check to pay off
your credit card bill their is no money left to buy groceries, pay for my sons medicine or any of the day today things we need. Gas is the killer. We use more gas then anyone I have ever seen. I understand that
he comutes 100 miles a day becuse of a job change that was forced on him but still we got a car that gets 33 miles per gallon. Everytime someone needs to go some where he drives. If they are making a road trip he drives. This weekend they are using our new truck to drive to Co. I know no one else has a truck right.
I guess I do bring this subject up alot. Sorry but I am trying to find some way to get out from under all the bills. I would leave right now but he is such a selfish
ass that he would probably quit the job he has so he
wouldn't have to pay for anything for the kids. I watched his father quit his job about this age and not work again just becasue he felt like it. So it is a real
possibilty. Things you don't finnd out until you get married. It is funny I never really found out what he was like until we got married. It was like the day yougot married you became his property. I have learned that people like him are able to hid this really well until they have control and then the switch comes about. He can hide his behavor for months at a time
if he thinks I might leave.

Thanks for the input I will think about the things I can cut out to save money.

BEcky

whippersnapper

08-01-2008, 07:43 PM

I think it's time to get a little more back bone. Time to take more of a stand on what's going on in your life. Time to lay down the law with your husband, or tell him your leaving. Time to learn how to say "no" to your mother. If she can't change something simple like a light bulb, she will have to do without until you are heading that way. Time to maybe think twice about going in debt for your childrens college...Darlin, you can't afford it. She just might have to settle for community college. There are Pell grants and scholarships that will pay for most if not all of it.

If you and your husband are as far apart as it sounds on your financial way of thinking, you are never going to be able to make it work, anyway. You are just going to be stressed and miserable all the time. But, some people would rather be miserable with someone than be alone. You have to decide what you want and quit being so nice...Put your foot down and take charge. Good luck....

Northern_bushrat

08-02-2008, 04:38 PM

well...let the spending-happy hubby and kids earn the money they spend! Don't buy anything on credit and pay off what you owe. I've been living on under $5,000.- a year for the past...oh about 8 years and couldn't be happier. I own my home and have no debts. I eat in a restaurant maybe once a year, buy everything second hand, have a garden and ducks for eggs and meat. No tv or stereo, no electricity or running water; actually just a solar panel, modem and laptop for telephone, internet access (which allows me to make money from home).
It's just a matter of choice: most people chose to want to buy lots of things, on credit if they can't afford it, and in exchange give up most of their free time and chain themselves to jobs they hate. The other option is to make do with WAY less, then you don't have to have a fulltime job, have plenty of time on your hands for the stuff you enjoy, and you're less stressed.
Of course it's easier said then done the larger your family is. But really, if it was me, I'd cut back my expenses and let hubby and kids go wild and make all the $$ they need to buy all sorts of things. Why on earth should you have to do it????

Dobelo17

08-03-2008, 04:44 AM

Whippersnapper & Bushrat,

You both bring up good points. I do need to learn to
put my foot down. I have told them that I am not paying for all their junk anymore. I am working on a
budget. I got good news at work on Friday afternoon
late. THe boss will not be cutting my hours as of
right now. SHe seem greatly disappointed that she didn;t get to. SHe was all worried about this new report we are supposed use so she could justify cutting my hours for three days thats all I heard. SHe needed to cut my hours due to the slow down from the bad
economy. Now that she didn't get to cut hours she isn't even worried about using the program and didn't even
set it up. I still am working on cutting back letting the hubby and kids pay for there own stuff sounds like a
very good idea. THere is a goodwill store about 30 miles from here. They do have a clothing center in this town but Ithink it is for the people on SSI and Welfare
you have to have a voucher from social services to shop
there. At least you used to. THe stress from worry over that cut in hours made me physicaly sick this time I had a headache and threw up twice. Took me two days to get so I felt better. Everyone is gone today so I am
spening the day doing what I like. So far have went for a walk and watered the garden I just came in for a bite to eat. Please have a good weekend.

BEcky

Deberosa

08-03-2008, 06:47 AM

Hi Deberosa,
I have been *trying to think how we used to
get by on alot less also. *I have cut out goingto Mcdonalds. *Trying to cook our meals here at home
packing lunches. *It seems like I just can't get ahead.
I can't get acrossed to hubby honey that if you spend all the money you make in each pay check to pay off
your credit card bill their is no money left to buy groceries, pay for my sons medicine or any of the day today things we need. *Gas is the killer. *We use more gas then anyone I have ever seen. *I understand that
he comutes 100 miles a day becuse of a job change that was forced on him but still we got a car that gets 33 miles per gallon. *Everytime someone needs to go some where *he drives. *If they are making a road trip he drives. *This weekend they are using our new truck to drive to Co. *I know no one else has a truck right.
I guess I do bring this subject up alot. *Sorry but I am trying to find some way to get out from under all the bills. *I would leave right now but he is such a selfish
ass that he would probably quit the job he has so he
wouldn't have to pay for anything for the kids. *I watched his father quit his job about this age and not work again just becasue he felt like it. *So it is a real
possibilty. *Things you don't finnd out until you get married. *It is funny I never really found out what he was like until we got married. *It was like the day yougot married you became his property. *I have learned that people like him are able to hid this really well until they have control and then the switch *comes about. *He can hide his behavor for months at a time
if he thinks I might leave.

Thanks for the input I will think about the things I can cut out *to save money.

BEcky

I had a friend in Denver that had the same situation. THe day she married the guy he switched and considered her a posession. It must be more common than I thought.

Anyhow - good luck and keep searching, a way will show up some how!

Buck

08-03-2008, 09:13 AM

Lots of good info here for everyone. There is also a HUGE topical index
to also help out.

Best to all......

http://www.stretcher.com/index.cfm

anna

08-03-2008, 01:41 PM

I would not co-sign any college loans for my kids. Good thing as they've all defaulted or been behind at various times. I felt that if they thought getting a college education was important, they could pay for it. We helped out with spending money when we could but basically told them good luck. If your kids have adopted dad's attitudes towards you (which is likely), I definitely would not co-sign anything for them.

Since you are keeping your job you have the opportunity to sock away some $'s and I'd make that a priority. I'd also get my name off all of his credit cards and his name off all of mine. In fact, I'd be canceling all of mine. If he chooses not to stick to the budget and pay his share, let his stuff go unpaid. Some men and women never grow up. They remain irresponsible brats all their lives. Personally, it would kill me to live with someone one like that.

If you are seriously thinking of leaving, you need to make sure you have copies of all important papers. That would include birth certificates (need originals), wedding license, tax returns for last several years, copies of loan agreements, mortgages, car titles, insurance papers, social security cards. Some stuff is fairly easy to duplicate with time and a few $'s but its better to take them with you.

How old are your kids?

HockeyFan

08-03-2008, 03:18 PM

I would strongly recommend a book called "Your Money, or Your Life". I don't recall the names of the authors, but it was a married couple, if I recall right.
It was a great book because after reading it, my wife and I definitely found ways of cutting our cost of living and increasing our ability to live on less.

Dobelo17

08-03-2008, 03:27 PM

Hi Anna,

My kids are 18 and 12. I have a plan in place to save for the next 5 yrs until the youngest graduates and then
leave when she graduates. That wil give me time to
stash away a good amount before I need it. My original
plan was to keep 20 acres of the land we live on since
my mother paid for it and she still owns it. THen I would
just need to build a cabin on it but I changed that plan
and will have to find something somewhere else.
I have been hiding away some money out of each check.
Yes living with him is really a challenge. But I have put in this much time with only 5 yrs left and the end in sight
I think I can make it. He seems to be spending most of his time off hunting. I iknow that sounds dumb but I need his insurance for my sons medical problems until
he gets a job of his own with insurance. I think after living this way so long I am scared to do anything.
That is a problem that I have to overcome before I can
do anything else. I am taking small steps like trying to
learn how to do things myself with the info I have been
getting from this sight. I never noticed until lately that
I am afraid to do anything myself. LIke try building something or clearing land. When I was a kid Ihelped on my grandfathers farm all the time. Baling hay,
gardening, milking cows. SInce being around lover boy
Nothing I do is right. I guess it has taken all my confidance away. But like I said I am working on it.
I have some good books and am going to try building
a miniature size cabin for the dogs and see how it turns out.
Thanks for your input I will keep a list of all the things you told me to make copies of. I can keep the copies in the strong box I bought I keep it in the bottom of my locker at work.

BEcky

leera

08-03-2008, 09:00 PM

There is lots of good info here,you just need to snoop around a bit.

I am having a situation here as well,will be losing my DH's income shortly,maybe for only a few weeks,but maybe a few months,we don't know yet.That's $900.00 I can't really afford to lose.

To some that amount might not sound like much,but we just put an offer on a house........

It sounds like what you need to do is sit down and come up with a step by step game plan.One thing at a time.

One of the first things though,do you want to get away from him,as in move out,or do you want him to get away from you?

If you're planning on doing the leaving,you need to plan where you'll go,how you'll get there,and how much $$ it'll take to get there.

Take baby steps.......

Northern_bushrat

08-04-2008, 08:03 AM

I think after living this way so long I am scared to do anything.
That is a problem that I have to overcome before I can
do anything else. *I am taking small steps like trying to
learn how to do things myself with the info I have been
getting from this sight. *I never noticed until lately that
I am afraid to do anything myself. *LIke try building something or clearing land. *When I was a kid Ihelped on my grandfathers farm all the time. *Baling hay,
gardening, milking cows. SInce being around lover boy
Nothing I do is right. *I guess it has taken all my confidance away. *But like I said I am working on it.
I have some good books and am going to try building
a miniature size cabin for the dogs and see how it turns out.

Hey Becky,

I just know you can do it! I grew up in the city and never so much as built a bird house or fixed anything, then came up north. Because I wanted very badly to have my own little piece of land and see if I'd be able to build a cabin, I went ahead and did it.
It's just a lot of work but really there's not much else to it, any woman can build her own cabin. You can also get help over Willing Workers on Organic Farms. There's so many ways to do it. Just find a building style that's right for you.
See, you already have a lot of what it takes to build a house: the ability to hang in there and stick with it. Imagine putting that to better use one day by building your very own place, and how happy and proud you'll feel after.
And never, ever, listen to anyone who says to you that you won't be able to do it for this or that reason. If you want it (or anything else in life), set your mind to it and stick with it, it will work. You go, girl!!

Dobelo17

08-04-2008, 09:13 AM

Hi Bushrat,

I have a couple of small cabins in mind and the floor
plans for them. What kind of cabin did you build and
how great it must be to have your own place. How long did it take to build your cabin? I used to do alot of things but think I will have to bid my time till out on my own. I did try to build a goat house and all of a sudden
hubby darling had to help me. He wanted something so was only to willing to build it for me. THen when he
had to help me move it he didn't care if it got broke.
THe plan I had for the goat house worked like a charm though. Me thinks I migh be a little better at this then
he likes :P Maybe I could just expand on that Idea it was a tree side lean-to on skids. Thanks for the info.

BEcky

johnjmw

08-04-2008, 10:09 AM

Ok, I am not perfect (by a long shot) but having been in the security industry for 22yrs, I'd love to know more about his "hunting trips". Too much hunting esp if he does not bring home lots of meat from these trips.
I also agree with a few of the other posts. Close all the credit cards you can that are in your name and in both your names.
Check our daveramsey.com for ideas on getting out of debt. He also has a great class (Financial Peace University) and a Radio talk show for call-ins.
And yes get a healthy stash going. A few bucks here and there can add up quick. Where to stash it? Does your Mom know about the issues you are having? Have her open a savings account in her name and have you on as a co owner.

Ok, I think I've talked to long on my soapbox.
John

PS look for a good place to go to when it is time to leave.

Dobelo17

08-04-2008, 03:33 PM

Hockey Fan ,
I am going to check out the book you mention at
the Library tomarrow.
Thanks

Becky

Dobelo17

08-04-2008, 03:35 PM

Buck ,
THanks for the website I will check it out.

BEcky

Dobelo17

08-04-2008, 03:46 PM

Leera,
I am sorry to here about your income being mixed up
even if it is for a little while that is a lot to lose. I would like
to do the leaving but like you said I need to save up for
awhile and figure out where to go and how much I need.
It will be easier once both of the kids are gone because I
will only have to worry about me. I can get insurance through work but it is very expensive. And it is only a repreive for awhile then they will be talking about cutting hours again. I sat down this weekend and started on a
budget plan. I will be getting rid of the other two crdit cards I have and only keep the one with my name on it.

Becky

Dobelo17

08-04-2008, 03:50 PM

Hi John,
His hunting trips usually include his cousin and at least one of his friends. They go spend turkeyseason for a week at the hunting cabin. Then there is fishing opener weekend
at the cabin. Followed by bear hunting when they have tags
and then bowhuning for deer at the cabin. Regular deer
season at the cabin. He would also like to go to COlorado elk hunting,

Northern_bushrat

08-04-2008, 03:54 PM

Hi Bushrat,

I have a couple of small cabins in mind and the floor
plans for them. What kind of cabin did you build and
how great it must be to have your own place. *How long did it take to build your cabin? *I used to do alot of things but think I will have to bid my time till out on my own. *I did try to build a goat house and all of a sudden
hubby darling had to help me. *He wanted something so was only to willing to build it for me. *THen when he
had to help me move it he didn't care if it got broke. *
THe plan I had for the goat house worked like a charm though. *Me thinks I migh be a little better at this then
he likes :P *Maybe I could just expand on that Idea it was a tree side lean-to on skids. *Thanks for the info.

BEcky

Yes isn't it funny how so many men get nervous when us women start swinging the hammer, chainsaw etc and actually building things ;) ? (And I love all you guys who are manly enough to just let us girls get on with it!)

I built two cordwood cabins (also called stackwall) by myself, both round with an 18' diameter and shed roofs. That's a very easy method if you like the funky alternative look of it. The roof and floor are hard to do on a round building, though. But you can also build "normal" with it. It's also cheap, and you need hardly any tools for it.
I managed to build the first cabin in 2 1/2 months while still working part-time. The second one, I took almost two summers for because the urgency had gone out of it and my plans changed.

I then moved out into the bush, no road access at all, with my boyfriend. We built a 14'x16' cabin, 1 1/2 storeys, in 3 months out of logs. Post and beam construction. It took us so long because we milled our own lumber for the roof and floor framing, window frames etc.
Last year, I added a 12'x16' addition to this cabin, also log/post and beam. That took about 3 months with me doing almost all the work.

I noticed that building goes a heck of a lot faster while living in a tent...as soon as there's a solid roof to sleep under, the urgency goes out of it; at least for me since I never really warmed up to it. I don't enjoy it much because it is so time intensive, but what I love is knowing that I can build my own house if I have to.

What works great is to build something small enough for you to finish in one season, and then add on to it. That way it's less overwhelming and you already have a lot of useable space.

whippersnapper

08-04-2008, 07:46 PM

Most states mandate that one parent must keep health insurance on the kids. With him having the job that provides it, it will be up to him wether you are with him or not. If he was to quit, than you would have to split coverage. If you both couldn't afford it, the minor child should qualify for Medicaid insurance. It really isn't that bad and will pay for more than you think.

Don't let worrying about the kids and what they think stop you from doing what you want to do. Chances are they already know how you feel and the tension isn't helping them any.

StephiLou

08-04-2008, 09:01 PM

Becky,

I think you married my ex-hubby's Dad! ;)

Seriously, though. I was just where you are at about 6 years ago. I got through it with A LOT of help from my friends here. ;D ;D ;D

Anyway, I would NOT be handing over my check to your hubby. He might get ticked off, but????? Start only paying half of the bills. If the power gets shut off, guess what? I put copies of the bills in his luchbox and let him know that I was paying half. He thought it was a joke until things started getting shut off. It wasn't so funny when he had to go get money out of his stash to pay the bills. When we got divorced, I found out that he had over $50,000 stashed away!

You might also want to get a storage unit. Slowly start putting things in there that you will need when you leave. Maybe ask your Mom if you can put it in her name, or if you have a good friend. Keep a fireproof safe out there with copies of birth certs, ss#, DL, insurance policies, and anything else. You also might want to start documenting things NOW! Make copies of his check stubs and bank statements and put them in your storage unit, or someplace safe. Set up a budget. Post it where he can see, and divide out what HE is responsible for paying. DO NOT BAIL HIM OUT! If you can get copies of what his hunting trips are costing, document them and don't say a word. They get scared when you quit talking. THey get even more scared when you walk around with a little smile on your face because they are not in on the joke.

This all may seem a little dirty, but let me tell ya, a divorce with this much debt and a narccisist (sp?) IS dirty. One other thing, real, responsible adults take care of their responsibilities FIRST. You can't change his behaviour. You can only change yours and the way you react to his. That means YOU have to take care of YOU first! There is nobody else to take care of your children.

This is a real opportunity for you. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but BELIEVE ME! Learn from my mistakes, AND the few things I did right ;). This is a HUGE learning opportunity for your 18 year old. I bet your children know more about what is going on than you do! Even if you have tried to make it seem like everything was hunky-dory. You do NOT want to set the example that this is OK to be treated like this. Your 18 year old is old enough to be sat down an explained things to. SHe does not need to hear the gory details, or used as a pawn between her parents. It is going to be hard to explain things without running down her father, but that is the way it should be. (Not that you can't be calling him everyname in the book in your head!) She does not even need to know that you are planning on leaving him. Just that there are financial issues and sacrifices are going to have to be made. She may have to get a job when she wasn't planning on it, or live in the dorms instead of an apartment. It won't kill her to do so. She may be upset at first, but I would just let her know if you file bankruptcy - she pays for college herself! You might actually be surprised, she may just tell you to leave him. Kids sometimes are a lot happier with one happy parent than two miserable ones.

My son is disabled. I am not sure what state you live in, but until he is 18, Your husband is responsible for his insurance - married or not. Sometimes, it carries over until they are 21 IF they are full-time students. The state will also get your child support for you - no matter what your income level is. They will attach his wages, put leins on property, and/or seize tax returns (this is alwyas interesting for the tax preparer!). Most states now have mandated insurance for ALL children. You might want to find out about what programs exist. You may have to pay a small co-pay, but $40 a month for insurance sure beats the heck out of $400!

Feel free to PM me. I have LOTS of info for you. You should also read Suze Orman's new book, Women and Money. It is an eyeopener and written for somebody in your exact situation. PM me your e-mail addy and I will send you a copy - I was able to download it for free from her website when it first came out. :)

Good luck and God Bless!

Steph

ryanmercer

08-05-2008, 02:55 AM

If you have any debt my advice is don't focus on the debt. If you focus on the debt, you attract more. Yeah yeah it might sound new-age but the believe has roots in every culture, in every civilization to date. If you worry about the bills, worry about the debt... it just helps to draw more of it to you. Trust me, I know. When I was worrying and fretting about my debt and how I'd ever pay it off... guess what... every time I turned around unexpected bills, interest rate hikes, etc were popping up...

I started focusing on abundance, and being grateful for everything I had... and my card issuers started working with me on interest rates, and there seemed to be more money to go around... probably because there was. When I started thinking about abundance, work gave us all an unheard of, unexpected, 4k raise (19% raise) and other good things happened.

If you don't have any debt, again same things... don't fret that the money isn't enough, be grateful you have what you have the money that you do.

What ever you do, just hang in there and best of luck.

Northern_bushrat

08-05-2008, 10:48 AM

walls0stone

08-05-2008, 11:18 AM

but I get what's said, think about pay'n off the debt, but don't dwell on it. I'd say it simpler, pay bills first..and don't spend more than you have.

MYellowRose

08-05-2008, 03:00 PM

Becky ask yourself the tried and true Dear Abby question "Am I better off with him than I would be without him?" I think you already know the answer to that question.

mom

08-06-2008, 05:44 AM

4 words

"leave his sorry ass"

You are just getting in deeper and deeper - get out before you are in so deep that you will never get out

Cil

08-06-2008, 07:54 AM

As a child of divorce, I can tell you first hand that it is better to have two separate happy people than one miserable couple. And all those things you worry about can be worked out in the divorce proceedings. And yes, PLEASE talk to your children, you may be quite surprised. Good luck and best wished.

Dobelo17

08-06-2008, 03:12 PM

Hi everyone thanks for all the tips and info. Iam checking out most of them. I have a lot of work an desicons to make.
Yes I truly think I would be better of without him. I here the
rumblings of buying a new motorcycle for my son going on behind my back. I already said I am not helping pay for that .
I will keep you posted. I need to get a some more money put away first but am working on it. I am trying to live on
my budget. thank you all.

BEcky

kerryms

08-06-2008, 04:02 PM

I can understand what you are going thru and belive me you will be better off without the moocher. He has it all while you shoulder all the responsability.You can and will have a better life without him.You may have to live on less with out him but you can enjoy your life and not stress about his trips and all of the bills.The kids see what's going on mine did and when I told them I was leaving they said "It's about time we've talked about this for awhile." They were 16,12 and 11. Everyone here has givin good advice and I hate that you are hurting so much,he has taken your self confidence and everything else.Don't let him keep taking.When you go don't look back look toward the future as you said counciling didn't help and it won't because he knows your buttons to push.
As to living on less,that's what I'm trying to do. I left my 2ond husband and moved in with my daughter and family but plan on building my own cabin.We have a garden.we shop at salvation army,yard sales and have friends we trade clothes with. We don't have tv.We cook our meals from scratch.We are slowly learning new things and it has been a wild and wonderful trip.Hang in there and know there are people out here that have been where you are and will give all the advice you want.

Dobelo17

08-07-2008, 08:31 AM

Hi Keeyms,

Thanks for your input. I hope you get your cabin built.
I am getting alot of good advice and help. I started putting my foot down last night and told him these
bills are getting out of control. Of course I was ignored.
I am not using the credit cards anymore and got my butt
chewed for that but in a couple of months I think I can
get all of them paid off. I will keep one with just my name on for emergencys. Of course he will keep his.
I am thinking about trying to build a small moveable cabin. We have 20 acres of land that is sitting idle.
My plan is to keep saving money and maybe try my hand at some of the things I want to do after I leave and see how it works. THen if the cabin is moveable I
can either take it with me or sell it. My girlfriend and I would like to get a grain mill. I will have 1 acre where the garden is now to plant some type of grain for next summer.

BEcky

kerryms

08-07-2008, 09:28 AM

good for you! These are the first steps toward your life sometimes they may be hard but never give up. You are the only you and you deserve the best life has to offer.I've been taking those steps too so your not alone we can make it because we can.

Terri

08-08-2008, 11:24 PM

BEcky, any chance that you can get on full-time? That way, you would have the insurance that you need, you can leave, and he will not be digging the two of you into a financial hole any more!

aprilconnett

08-09-2008, 07:53 AM

Becky,
If your mother owns your land, why are you the one leaving? Kick his ass out! He can go live at the hunting cabin full-time.

If you are dead set on being the one to leave, could you stay with your mother or a friend until you have enough $$ saved to build your cabin?

I agree that your kids know what is going on. When we were teenagers, we begged Dad to leave, because he was making us all miserable. Momma and us four kids were much better off without him.

flatwater

08-09-2008, 03:25 PM

This is always a tough roe to hoe. I liked the advise about you taking more control of your life and putting your foot down and say stop it. Marriage counselling is needed here also. If all that you said is truthfull then your husband is a selfish controlling jerk. Just like my wifes FIRST husband. She is a peach and tried to stay with him but he made the mistake of cheating on her. We smile and celebrate once a month when she cashes a portion of his retirement check. ;D ;D
Flatwater

cinok

08-09-2008, 04:20 PM

Does your hubby work and i'm assuming that your son isn't his son if your concerned about the benifits. You could always pawn his hunting gear (yes i am a guy and I will guaruntee this will get his attention) I hope that there is no physical abuse going on, becuase it sounds like there is a lot of emotanial abuse.Did you say you work for the Post Office. About the college it does'nt seem like you have a large income so the kids should qualify for pell grants and federal loans.

Dobelo17

08-11-2008, 02:40 PM

Hi Terri,

I don't think Iwill ever get on full-time at the Post Office.
THe only full-time postion that is left there is the window
clerk and when she retires they are going to try to make that postion part-time. I will file a greivence with
the Union but don't know id tha will do any good. SHe
told me she can't retire for another seven years anyway.

Becky

Dobelo17

08-11-2008, 02:46 PM

April,

THe reason I am leaving is I couldn't make the house payments by myself. Butt whole has our payment up
to $1100.00/month. I also need to get away from
this place. My mother is almost as big of asswhole
as my husband. Yes she borrowed me the money for this land and I wish to hell I never did. I hear about it every chance she gets about how she needs her money and we never pay her. THen I ask what kind of payments she wants and she says well you keep it so the nursing home if I end up there can't have it. I must attract weirdo's or something. SHe wants to live at the
nursing home but doesn't want to pay for it so thinks I
should fill the void.

BECKY

Dobelo17

08-11-2008, 02:58 PM

Hi flat water,

Yes this is a beautiful mess. I have tried counseling.
I filed for divorce once before and even left. Like an idiot I gave him a second chance and we went to coulseling. You have never seen such a good liar.
We got along great for over three years and then he started riverting back to his old ways and now we are right back where we started. I now some of the stuff I say sounds like a bunch of crap and I can't belive half of it my self. THat is what is so hard the mind games are
unbelifable. One miniute his acts like your best friend
who would do anything for you and the next you are
a idoit that totally understood what he said. You are totaly unable to do even the simplest thing without
him correcting you becasue you can't do it on your own.
THe counselor I used to go to( insurance will not pay for
the counseling anymore) said that one day with the emotional abuse I suffer from dear hubby and my mother is going to end me up in the Psyh ward. He said that I need to find a way to get strong enough to
leave and never look back. Neither one of them is worth what it will cost me. DO you think since my mother has been so like my husband that is why I
can't seem to leave it all behind. I have heard that if
you are used to living a certain way you can't seem to
ever get away from it? I am glad that you r wife got
away from her x and that you are happy. I am hoping to leave here soon and try to start over somewhere
else.

Becky

Dobelo17

08-11-2008, 03:14 PM

Cinok,

My son is from my husband. My husband comes from a
family that their Dad was the most important person in the house so don't think that just becasue my son needs that medical insurance if I left he wouldn't quit his job. I have heard it mention a time or two. My husband works for United Parcel Service. We make way to much money for my son to qualify for anything other then a pell grant. That is the sad part. We should be living very well on what we both make instead of barley making our payments. I don't know what the problem is but if there is five cents in our checking account he has to spend it. I was putting money in the savings account last fall for the land taxes
that were coming up he found out about and boy did I get my ass chewed. I told him what are you taliking about that way we have the money all saved up and don't have to worry about it . He went to the bank and
moved all the money to the checking account and then
pissed it all away on shit for hunting season and christmans presents for his family. Emotional abuse here big time. But also alot of mind games and just plan weird stuff. He has to look throught all my stuff.
My books, my magzines, all my papers. I don't really no how to play this game that is why I keep losing. WHen we are in public you would think everything was ok. But in priviate it is like two different people. Do you think he is mentally unstable? That is what is so confusing is the mind games. How can you have to control everything someone does? Like when I got to bed at night he comes in a purposely wakes me up even
though he knows that once I wake up it takes me hours to go back to sleep or I have to lie about the littlest things Buying a magazine what is this for I have to tell him it was on sale or I get my butt chewed for spening to much money but he just went to Colorado and spent $1200.00. SOrry to ramble I am just having a bad day.

BEcky

aprilconnett

08-11-2008, 03:55 PM

Oh, my. I am so sorry that your mother is just as much of a problem. :o Good luck and keep us posted. I will keep you in my prayers.

Northern_bushrat

08-11-2008, 04:15 PM

Girl, just get the hell out of there. Life's too short to live that way.

cinok

08-11-2008, 04:48 PM

Dobelo,
What you have here is a control freak Iam asuming he controls your social life limits your friends and is always looking over your shoulder. You admited emotional abuse but did say yes or no to the other. If he works for ups it would be hard for him to drop your son from his health care. You need to bug out now,One thing that concerns me is that he might find these conversions and it might escalate the sitituation to new levels so please be careful. Is your checking acount joint does hubbies check get direct deposit. If both are yes then 1 paycheck might be your only escape. He sounds like he has the wool pulled over your mothers eyes which is typical of a domestic abuser yes thats right you are being abused. Find a shelter they offer protection and help. How do I know this My wife was in one of these relationships fromwhen she was 15 till we met when she was 20 few differnces She was getting the crap beat out of her thats how we meet she was a dennys waitress I was a recently divorce' that would wind up there at 2:00am after the bars closed. then I noticed bruises and marks Finally one night she had a cast on her arm and looked half dead. I asked her and after a little prodding got the story. I didnt know her at all but gave her the key to my place told her go home get her kids and get the F*** out Iwasnt looking for anything but Igrewup in an abusive house. Well 10 years later many hard times here we are She graduated nursin school to years ago took me years to get her to believe she could do it . We both take a dim veiw on this sh*t. She is an ER nurse and sees the worst . She volunteers at womens center and sometimes I help out (sometimes having little "chats" with the troublemakers) Please get out Hate to sound like a comercial but "YOU CAN DO IT"

whippersnapper

08-11-2008, 07:35 PM

Becky, you are not alone in your situation. I know many people living through exactly the same thing. I have very few friends anymore because most of the guys I hung with sound like your husband. It just got too hard to pretend to like these people when I knew what they were really like.

My better half still tries to keep up appearances with her friends, but most of the time when they are over they are complaining of much the same as you. They wonder why I don't want to go out with them and there hubbies...How can I possibly go out with them and pretend to have a good time? And it isn't always the guys in the relationship that are the problem, so I'm not just slamming my own gender. ;D Sometimes I wonder if anyone is really happy...

mom

08-12-2008, 03:02 AM

4 words

"leave his sorry ass"

You are just getting in deeper and deeper - get out before you are in so deep that you will never get out

I left 2 husbands with barely more than the clothes on my back - it can be done.

You may not like what I am going to tell you but if you don't grow enough spine to get out it will eventually do you in. Quit whinning and grow some spine - get the hell out of Dodge.

MYellowRose

08-12-2008, 04:15 PM

I told my hubby before married that I only had to hard, fast rules. They were, never cheat on me or if he did make sure I never found out because I'd take him for everything he had or would ever have. And, never hit me because I'd be the last woman he hit! Luckily for me he was raised in a very loving household by good parents and had been taught how to treat a woman/wife.

MNMOM

08-12-2008, 04:30 PM

You've got to get your self-confidence back again. He's drained you completely. That's what a control freak does.

Life is too short to live like this, you deserve to be happy, leave him in his miserable life and learn to live again. You only get one chance at life, live it to the fullest.

I have been a very fortunate woman, I'm married to a wonderful man, but we have seen some really messed up marriages along the way and knew that we didn't want to live miserable lives like so many that we have seen.

You need to start thinking of your sanity.

Dobelo17

08-21-2008, 02:31 PM

Hi Guys,
SOrry I haven't been here in a while had some weird
stuff going on at work. They fired a girl out of the blue
she has been working there for 5 yrs. We have a new
Boss and the Postal Inspectors showed up last friday
and she is on Suspension or fired??? ??? NO one is saying boo. I know the Post office is on lock down
so no one can get in unless they get the door unlocked
for them. Kinda creepy with the Postal inspectors
around they have places they can be in the office and
watch you and you don't even know they are there.
I don't think the girl they fired would ever show up with '
a gun but who knows. I have read some of the post since I was here last and agree alot more spine and
alot less whine would be a great idea. I am working on
it. I am taking 20 acres of land and starting to build
a cabin on it. It is a small step but a step none the less.
I am also working on me for me. A diet and working
on some of my other issues. I am learning meditation
and learning some other techniques for my health and
sanity. I told my husband that I am done paying for all
of his crap and I am going to sepnd my money on someof the things I want. He has been kinda wondering what is going on. I have been planning more things that don't include him and having some fun for once. He is kinda at a lose but so far is leaving me alone.

Becky

Cil

08-21-2008, 04:51 PM

Baby steps are better than no steps. Keep on rockin!

MYellowRose

08-21-2008, 06:44 PM

* Becky as for the postal work situation I'd be willing to bet that the young lady has been stealing money or the like.

* *I've got a funny PO story. *While sitting here at the computer a little while ago I heard a knock on the door. *I thought it was my SIL so I ran to the back and threw on my nightgown. *LOL * Much to my embarassment, though he doesn't know it, it was my niece's S/O from across the drive. *He had a plastic envelope with a piece of mail for my SIL in it. *He told me that it had been put in their mailbox a day or so and this was the first chance he'd had to bring it over as he'd tried to watch for my SIL to give it directly to him. *The mail inside the plastic envelope was charred all around the edges and there were little flakes of burned paper loose in the plastic envelope. *We don't know when or where the fire occurred but at least as the saying goes "the mail got through". *LOL Maybe not in the same shape as when it was mailed but at least it got here! *Oh yes, I think it's a bill so my SIL won't be too upset at the condition it's in. *DD was talking to him when all this was going on so after the 2 yr. old gave it to her mom she told him about it.
Oh yes, I'm sure there are those out there who won't find this story funny but you've got to give the PO credit, they still delivered the mail even though it was severly damaged instead of saying the heck with it and tossing it in the trash.

Clair_Schwan

08-22-2008, 07:05 PM

Becky:

Your situation sounds like very much like what I was in up against until 1997, except that my wife didn't make any money - she just spent mine.

I have no business meddling in your business, but here are my suggestions based on what little I know about your situation.

You must have a plan. Lay it out and think it through, then implement it in a very deliberate manner. I would have a fall back position for a roof over my head that doesn't involved family. You'll need a place to get your feet on the ground, and your cabin might be his as well as yours since you are married to him. You need a place that is entirely your own.

Assuming you have a plan that resembles something like the following, I would go about it like this:

First things first. Close all the accounts that could possibly bury you deeper in debt. Don't sign anything that starts another financial obligation.

Second. File for divorce (dissolution of marriage agreement). Once you do, you are separated, and his debts are his debts, and they don't stick to you. Check with an attorney on this, but it should be true in nearly every state. It is essential that you cut the legal ties.

Marriage is a legal estate, and that legal tie must be severed, or you are going down with the ship. Until you agree to separate, his debts are just as much yours. Again, check with an attorney, so you know how to do this so you are clear of his future debts.

Third. Ride it out wisely and let the chips fall where they may.

I haven't mentioned anything about children because I just don't know enough about how that might play out. Regardless, don't let children become pawns in the game. They will get hurt if you do.

Also, if he is pig-headed and you are reasonable, then negotiating with him is a mistake. He will only try manipulating you again and again. This must stop. Tell him to "talk to the hand", and break off all personal communication with him.

You have to start over and reinvent your life. This will require mental toughness to make decisions that are best for you. It sounds harsh, but children have to come second, because if you don't come first, you'll be in no shape to take care of yourself, let alone anyone else. You've sat in the back seat long enough. It's time to take the wheel.

Part of your initial planning has to include having someone to talk with that can give you good solid advice. You'll need encouragement and good ideas during the planning stage and also as you implement your transition to another life.

After you get yourself established "on the other side" of this hell, then I would suggest that you dip into some of the advice I offer at http://www.frugal-living-freedom.com What I offer there is based on my experience in shoes that are similar to yours. It is an attempt to answer the original question of your post: "How to live on less?"

I've lost a small fortune because of listening to irresponsible people and being married to one. My life was very difficult for a while, but I was able to pull myself up and out of the mess. I like to think of my ex as a tiny dot in the rear view mirror that keeps getting smaller and smaller.

If it wasn't for reading your post, I wouldn't have even thought about her (meaning the tiny dot in the mirror isn't visible anymore). The most satisfaction that I get is that she has to live with herself for the rest of her life, and that's a long time to live so damned close to such an irresponsible individual. She richly deserves herself.

It sounds like the same thing applies to your soon-to-be ex.

Some people are broken and that just can't be fixed. Stop trying. You'll never be successful.

Most importantly, stop enabling him to be irresponsible. When I stopped "saving the day" for my ex, that is when the whole thing took a nose dive. It was clear after years of misery that I was enabling her to be irresponsible because I was able to fix things - nothing "stuck" to her.

Only after I stopped fixing things did a little reality start to shine through. I stopped spinning all the plates and juggling all the bowling pins, and let the whole thing come crashing down. She was happy to get out of it at that point. So was I.

It took me years to pay off the debt, but I did it and it is all behind me.

Have a plan and stick with it, but get yourself a good mentor or at least "a big ear" with a smart brain attached to it so you have someone to cross check your thinking and planning. And, you'll have the encouragement to see this through as well.

Lots of good advice here from everyone, but you are going to need a close friend in your corner to pull this off. You won't find that kind of close, meaningful and real-time advice here. But, I hope you have found enough good advice to get a good start.

Good fortune to you,

Clair

anna

08-22-2008, 08:06 PM

You want to be very careful when leaving. Violence often occurs at that point. Control freak loses his victim and goes bezerk. You might want to consider a woman's shelter. They often will help you get connected with an attorney and get set up in an apartment. At the minimum they will provide a safe shelter for you and your son and counseling. Your cabin in the woods is way to isolated to be safe for you especially with a gun happy control freak after you. If he hits you or does other physical abuse, report him immediately and file charges. That will mean he cannot possess firearms, well at least in this state it does!

If you open a bank account in just your name, you dh should not be able to access it. Even if its in the same bank you have a joint account. To be safe I would open an account at another bank. The same with a post office box.

In a dissolution the court will order each party to pay certain debts. The problem with this is if your name is on it and the other party doesn't pay it, bill collectors will come after you. Your agreement with them supercedes what the court assigns. Sometimes the only way to get the other party's debt off your back is to file bankruptcy.

Also, a divorce attorney is going to want $'s up front to represent you. If there is abuse, the shelter usually provides a pro bono attorney to get a restraining order but not a divorce.

When dh heard the plant where he worked would be closing we shut down all spending that wasn't absolutely necessary and saved every penny we could. We were fortunate because by a fluke we found out over six months before it was announced. Its amazing how much you can do without when you are determined. Then dh became disabled and never worked again. Medical insurance/expenses about did us in but by then we were used to not spending so putting most of our $'s towards medical was possible (painful, but possible). We decided one year to go on a clothing diet and not buy clothing for a year. It really was a non-issue. We could probably have gone another year without suffering but we did buy new undies and socks at the end of the year.

Nightshade

09-06-2008, 06:57 AM

I've always been taught to spend less than you earn and save
the rest. Works for me!

bookwormom

09-06-2008, 07:17 AM

ditto here. I notice that my breeches are getting a bit tight, I guess I could live on a bit less in that department, too.

MYellowRose

09-06-2008, 01:54 PM

For those who need a separate checking account from their spouse etc. have your bank put a "code word" on the account that you and only you know. That way unless the person trying to access the account can give the correct word they are refused access to the account. I got one put on my account after my ID and all were stolen back in '06.

walls0stone

09-06-2008, 04:13 PM

* For those who need a separate checking account from their spouse etc. *have your bank put a "code word" on the account that you and only you know. *That way unless the person trying to access the account can give the correct word they are refused access to the account. *I got one put on my account after my ID and all were stolen back in '06.

Give you a tip here.. a client of mine is in computer security. He hacks computers for banks and big companies... to see if they can be hacked. They call it white hat hacking. Any how..he has a program that goes threw all your text, via a Worm...and it tries to answer all sorts of questions..or find paturns.. names that come up, things you type a lot.. then it takes those answers and makes messes with the letters...your pass word might be, your street and pets name.... year you were born and maiden name. I understand the avrage person can't remember passwords, so they make them easy.

So don't make a password that makes sence. I use the nicknames of old phrat brothers, and girls I dated in college. Two things I never bring up any more now that I'm married. ;D

LoriAnna

09-24-2008, 11:35 AM

Dobelo how are you doing now?

This is all really good advice. I've been there myself, only I was in my early 20's. He financed things we couldn't afford, and "made" me deal with the debt collectors.
I went back and forth on whether to leave for a good couple of years or more.
Finally I left, with the clothes on my back and what I could fit into a backpack.
He got the car the furniture the fancy this and fancy that.
And he got all the bills that he screwed us into.

I left the state, went 2 states away, no warning, I called in sick to my job, packed my backpack and walked out the door...shaking. Best thing I ever did for myself. No forwarding address, nothing. Leave a note, see ya!

And I got Freedom to breathe and find out who I am and made sure that mistake never happened again.

I know that even leaving a bad situation you can have doubts and regrets and fears. And everyone thinks their situation is so much different, and use that excuse to stay.

One other piece of advice is to start an account you say you are using for something else. I have a daughter who is in college who has grants and loans. It's not going to kill her to do this. And it's not going to hurt your kids either.

I have a money market account that I have a certain amount put into automatically every month, I'm so use to it I don't even miss it. The intention of this money IS for my childrens education, I plan to homeschool. But it serves also a dual purpose, because of my first marriage, I like to know that money is there and growing just in case I need it.

On an airliner, if the oxygen masks come down they say put yours on first, then your kids. Because if you are in trouble, you can't possibly help your kids. remember that.

theresehirko

10-03-2008, 03:09 PM

When i quit my job to go back to nursing school, besides the loss of my salary. bob and I also had to contend with tuition, books, equipment, etc. We cut out all nonessentials, like the paper, cable tv, and redid our budget. It was drastic, but we're only 8 months away from graduation and me going back to work (yeah!) We have not only been able to live within our new budget, but have been able to save money for retirement also. When I do get a nursing job, our goal is to use my salary to pay off the mortgage. It was really hard at first, because we missed all of the things that we were used to, but now I can't imagine spending the money on it again.

Dobelo17

10-09-2008, 05:12 PM

Hi Guys,

I posted on the general board but wil post here also.
I have been gone and working on the husband situation.I do have two accounts that I have automatic payments go into each month for retirement. Your right I forgot about one of them. I just got an update the other day and I have a nice little sum in there. I think hubby has forgotten about that one as well. The economy has me worried alot but I have a new boss at work and she is much more informative about the job situation. SHe says they will be making cuts but all the small offices around are looking for help and she will let me go out on some assignments. WHen I go I will be garanteeda 8 hour day. And will also get supervisor pay SO I will be able to keep my hours pretty much the same as they are now. That is a relief. Thanks for all the good advice. I am trying to set up a budget and will
be making some hard decision soon. Thanks for all of your help and best wishes. Best of luck to everyone
everyday it seems like something happens so keep
taking care of yourselves and everyone that you love.
God bless and keep plugging away. ;)

BEcky

Clair_Schwan

10-15-2008, 11:11 AM

LoriAnna:

Great advice. I admire your courage. Like they say in the movie "sometimes, you just have to go for it".

Clair

theresehirko

10-18-2008, 08:23 AM

One way that we are living on less is that we bit the bullet last year when the federal govt was giving tax credits for buying tankless hot water heaters and bought one. We swapped out two 50 gallon hot water tanks for one tankless heater. Our gas bill has dropped to about $15 each month from $75. We have already paid for the heater with the tax credit and the monthly savings. We gave the two heaters away. Once I'm working again (7 months and counting!) we are going to spend $4K replacing the two old ACs with energy efficient ones. We don't run them except in the hot months (9 months of the year here in Mississippi) but when we do run them, our electric bills are $300 right now. We are hoping there will be some kind of tax credit for those also.

Dobelo17

10-23-2008, 08:50 AM

Hi All,

We didn't run the ac this year. With the windows open at night to cool it off and then shut the windows as soon as it started to heat up for the day it stayed
pretty cool. However we live in WI and it doesn't
get nearly as hot as Mississippi. Our old house didn't even have AC but when we built this house we put it in. everyone that came to look at the old house wanted AC so we put it in the new one. Makes them easier to sell
when the time comes. We have moved and expanded the garden and berry plots. Moved the apple trees also
everything is now inside of a 4 foot fence that the dogs can get to so I don't think we will have any critters helping themselves to our trees and berry bushes this winter. Our old garden plot will be used for potatoes
only next summer. We are going to stock up on venision this fall and make some hamburger out of it also. We have been using most everything out of the
garden and meat from the woods for the last month and the food bill has went down alot. Also quite eating out. Packing lunches and not running so much. We have cut our credit card bill in half. Husband has agreed to a budget and we are watching what we spend. It has made a huge differance.

BEcky