Do you find it hard to say NO to family and friend

[lateaprildawn]

This could be a really "touchy" subject for a lot of people. I would also think that it is very uncomfortable for most of the people on this site. I have found you all very generous in sharing knowledge, have you found you have had to put a stop to giving lots of "freebie" produce to family and friends ?

I have a small, inner city garden that managed correctly will give me produce to last me nearly a year, and hopefully as the years go on and i fine tune my planting all my veg needs.

Every year I grow extras for family and friends, this year i am giving them about 40 tomato plants in total, a dozen flats of salad/ lettuce seedlings and a dozen melon and squash plants . Each autumn they all ask for jams and jellies and I gave them a few.

Not a single one has offered to cover the cost of these plants, i have done it for years and they now just seem to expect it.

Well i am truly in the dog house this year. I have told them that I wont be able to supply them next year and that i am cutting down on canning come harvest time.

Thats a big lie over canning, its just that I will be keeping enough to last me a year, leaving very little extra.

Do any of you struggle with this ?
Sorry to sound mean, but another thread started me thinking about this. Do you tend to give too much away ?

Best wishes,
April

[rae-dean]

well i sure know what u mean ...i sort of feel like whatever i give will come back in some other way.but u definately have to take care of u.
i would put up all i could and just share with ones who really really are helped by this wonderful sharing.good luck.rae-dean

[Buck]

Right now all Americans need to re-learn the
skills of our grandparents to feed ourselves.

One of those skills is gardening & canning.

As long as you garden & can for them they will
let you. The truth is that you are at fault to a
degree by allowing them to "mooch". Hand them
a seed packet or two and invite them to garden
& can for themselves.........then wish them a
good day as they leave.

[lateaprildawn]

I agree with you totally Buck. I need to toughen up a lot !

I have some great friends with whom I trade skills and produce.Its the family that tend to be the "leeches"

The worm turned today ;D

There were the usual calls of "oh i will have any spare plants" I replied i was selling them and could give them a price list.

Very odd ??? they suddenly werent interested ;D

[CarolAnn]

Lateaprildawn, I am SO pround of you! I hope you won't have a nanosecond of guilt over saying "no.' It was the right thing to do!

We're in a conflicted culture -those who are taught to be "nice" give the takers of the world lots of people to run over roughshod. That's not good for you and it's even not good for them, because if you're too easy a mark they learn to be greedy.

I think saying "no" and meaning it was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn. It never gets easy . . . but you'll be so glad when you've mastered it! The fruits of your labor are YOURS to do with as you choose. Then when (and if) you DO give away any produce, you're not being used, you're being helpful!

[Katrina-Sisu]

It's good to put a firm foot down. I always go by my Mom's saying "if you give an inch, they'll take a mile".

Growing a garden is pretty easy so it sounds like they just have a case of the lazies and were letting you do it for them.

I have a BIL that is wealthy but he is the biggest cheapskate you've ever seen. He steals the inlaws newspaper because he doesn't want to pay 3 bucks for one and he borrows their car and doesn't fuel it for the gas he's used.

I flatout say he needs to pay me (still owes us cash) if he wants anything done...suddenly he's not so heck-bent ;).

Kat

[anna]

I do bankruptcies and I cannot begin to tell you how many people end up in bankruptcy simply because they cannot say no to their family members. I personally have no trouble saying no whether it is a financial or other request. I raised my kids to know how to take care of themselves. If they don't care to do so, why should I short myself and dh in order to provide for them? You did good saying no. Next time it will be easier.

[flatwater]

When my wife and I give our special jams and jellys we do so to our very good friends and some family members that we know appreciate them because they always thank us in some way. Those we know to be pushy or arrogant don't get squat. And besides no only has two letters and is easier to say then yes which has three letters and takes more time to say.
Flatwater ::)

[msta999]

It use to be that way with me, Had a hard time saying no to family and so called friends.

I don't have that problem anymore though. Learned my lesson.

Seems like I just always ended up on the short end with some of them and with a couple of them, it just never seemed to end.