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-   -   Tales of a failed homestead (http://www.backwoodshome.com/forum/vb/showthread.php?t=36662)

leera 04-20-2018 07:49 PM

Tales of a failed homestead
 
Years ago,my husband and I were planning on starting our own little homestead. We paid off all our debts,improved our credit scores enough to be able to purchase a house.

For the first three years we did what every homesteader does,worked,and worked and worked. We built garden beds,planted fruit trees,started a rabbitry.....our dreams were coming true.

Then year four hit like a ton of bricks.My husband no longer wanted any part of the homesteading life,it was too much work he said. We fought,a lot. I went into a deep deep depression.

Year five came and went.

Year six saw my garden beds taken over by weeds....I just couldn't do it without help.
We fought even more. The rabbits were too much work he claimed..

Then one night a light switch flipped in his head...that's when my whole life changed,everything was turned upside down and backwards,spiraling out of control.

We came home from our normal night at work,he was happy go lucky...
THEN,something happened,something triggered his anger.He went off on our room mate,threatening to kill him. He stomped down stairs and we heard him throwing things around,turns out he was getting out and loading one of his rifles....

The police were called.....friends were called,parents were called,our marriage died that night in his rage he threatened everything from killing the room mate to killing all the rabbits and burning down the house,to killing himself.

One year later we were divorced.

Fast forward to now....

I've rented out my house to a large family who are going to purchase it next year when they can get financing.. I've moved into a mobile home in the same park as my parents.
Essentially I'm starting over.

So here I am,heading back to my roots,back where I came from,and starting over....I miss my gardens and my rabbits,and my little piece of land,but I couldn't be happier than I am right now,my depression is under control and I am slowly putting the pieces back together.

Doninalaska 04-20-2018 08:46 PM

Wow, what a sad story! I an glad you have gotten through it all and are on the road to recovery from the toxic experience. Did you ever find out if there was anything wrong with your husband physically? I had a friend that went through a similar experience, but no violence that I know about. The husband started making irrational decisions and behaved in a strange manner. When he could no longer function, he was diagnosed with a brain tumor and died a few months later.

Setanta 04-20-2018 08:53 PM

been there to an extent, never been married but did have a financial implosion, fortunately I am good at calculation and variables and was able to ride it out my own way rather than wait for it to happen on its own.

still starting over can be a good thing, before building anything up, the old has to be torn down.

leera 04-20-2018 09:53 PM

He had always been mentally unstable,he had suffered a closed head injury way back when he was a teen. I'll never really know what happened inside his head to trigger the event,but life goes on,and here I am. :)

Terri 04-20-2018 10:12 PM

I am sorry, Leera. Life has kicked me in the teeth also, though not quite as dramatically as it has you! I simply got sick. And I have not been well since: it is an auto-immune illness (my body is attacking itself) and there is no cure.

With some serious thought I have been been able to manage to tend a small garden.

I am what I am: there is a gent on youtube that is able to get a LOT of vegetables from his own small garden plus 40-odd pots, and after watching his youtubes I intend for my garden this year to be SPECTACULAR! Because that is how my thoughts naturally flow. Though I cannot manage 40 pots, I do intend to manage 5, plus the small garden. Every day I sit in the garden and use hand tools.

The gent I have been watching: [url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npLNks_jbQs&list=PLrdJ3rKwLaepkN-A0DRGqI250Fcq8uooa&index=3[/url]

Basically, in the spring he plants short season potatos in 10 inch pots and also seeds in small pots. By the time the potatos are ready to harvest, his seedlings in the small pots are 6 inches tall, so the potatos in the 10 inch pots come out, fertilizer is mixed into the soil, and the new seedlings go into the 10 inch pots for a second harvest in the Fall.

So today I, too, planted potatos

Life happens, but I was without a garden one year and I really missed it. So, every day I spend abut 30 minutes outside, tending my small garden and, this year, 5 pots. Because I am the same person still.

Doninalaska 04-21-2018 03:42 PM

Good link, Terri! It is helpful for the less able folks who still want to grow food.

Tim Horton 04-21-2018 07:02 PM

Seems a very small percent of people can go through life sailing clean clear water. Time to time most of us end up in stormy and less than story book situations.

The test of this is how you treat others and how you treat yourself on the path to recovery from a given situation. Some situations we handle better, or quicker than others, but we learn from all situations.

Rebuilding is always long hard work, regardless what it is, a homestead, an old car, or ourselves. But it is always in better condition afterwards. Maybe not the same condition, or like new, but much better than it could have been.

Remember. I'm not a psychologist, but I did pay for ones education.
To whom ever may need it. Glad to hear you are doing well.
Best wishes.

leera 04-22-2018 09:51 PM

It's been a long rough road,but I think all things considered I'm doing pretty good. I tried to do some raised beds last year,but the ground hogs ate it all up,I can't put up a fence to keep them out,as it's against the park rules.

I'm only planning on being here until my Dad passes,his health is declining rapidly,then I plan to purchase another home with a small yard and do as much gardening as my body will allow.

Terri 04-23-2018 12:11 PM

The year that I was diagnosed I did not work my backyard homestead at all: I think that I needed that time to care for my elderly MIL and to focus on my own health options. It was not until Fall that I realized that I had missed homesteading. It taught me how I did-and did not- want to spend my time on Earth. The people in my life are the most important things to me, but my homestead is how I mentally "recharge".

I have had a garden ever since, because it is important to me to see things grow and produce under my hands, even though my loved ones either age or move away from home.

Leera, when you are ready to homestead again the life will be waiting for you, whether it is in your own back yard or in a line of pots by your trailer.

leera 04-23-2018 07:52 PM

Thank you Terri. :)

CountryMom22 05-27-2018 12:39 AM

I'm sorry that you had to experience that Leera. But you sound like a true survivor. You epitomize the saying "Bloom where you're planted"!

EarthMama 05-31-2018 01:37 PM

Leera, first off let me offer my condolences to you. The death of a marriage is like any other death... and it hurts.

This subject is such a passion of mine, I feel like shouting my response from the rooftops! But I'll contain myself.

I read about stories like yours all the time. I don't know where people get the idea that "homesteading" is all or nothing. Who wouldn't "go postal" working yourself to death?! I can't imagine it. :wacko:

There are as many definitions of "homesteading" as there are people doing it. You don't have to have barnyard animals, grow your own food, or have fifty million acres of land in order to be considered a homesteader.

I live a very simple life, out away from everybody. And the neighbors I do have I don't speak to... not because I don't want to but because we just don't have anything in common and thus have nothing to say to each other. I buy our food in bulk, have no debt, read library books, sit on my porch & listen to the birds, get up early & go to bed early, recycle & reuse, buy fresh produce from local family farms, chat with like-minded friends online, and simply be. That, to me, is the definition of a simple homesteading life. I realize that's NOT the definition for some folks and that's ok. Again, there are as many definitions of "homesteading" as there are people doing it.

It sounds like you and your now-ex husband were homesteading according to someone else's rule book and not your own.... and therefore got overwhelmed and bogged down with work. And it ended sadly. But the bright side is that you're now happy and that's all that counts. I wish that mobile home had been put on your piece of land to begin with. But live and learn... all of us gotta do that.

Continued peace & happiness, Earth Mama

doc 05-31-2018 04:08 PM

[QUOTE=EarthMama;437587]

There are as many definitions of "homesteading" as there are people doing it. You don't have to have barnyard animals, grow your own food, or have fifty million acres of land in order to be considered a homesteader.

I live a very simple life, out away from everybody. And the neighbors I do have I don't speak to... not because I don't want to but because we just don't have anything in common and thus have nothing to say to each other. I buy our food in bulk, have no debt, read library books, sit on my porch & listen to the birds, get up early & go to bed early, recycle & reuse, buy fresh produce from local family farms, chat with like-minded friends online, and simply be. That, to me, is the definition of a simple homesteading life. I realize that's NOT the definition for some folks and that's ok. Again, there are as many definitions of "homesteading" as there are people doing it.

[/QUOTE]


Absolutely eloquent. You've got it figured out.

leera 06-02-2018 04:02 PM

Thank you for your wise words. I really do appreciate it. I'm at a point in my life right now where I'm at a cross roads,and trying to get back to doing the things I truly enjoy.

Mesquite_Bean 06-04-2018 11:44 AM

Wow, what a road you've travelled. :sad:

Welcome back. I remember you well from the "old" days on the board. :)


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