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  #1  
Old 08-18-2015, 09:55 PM
MtnManJim Male MtnManJim is offline
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Default Please pray for my family and me.

Please pray for my mom, my sisters, my wife and me. Mom was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver a couple of weeks ago. Because sheís never been a drinker, the doctors began looking for other possible causes. This morning they determined that the cause of the cirrhosis is auto-immune hepatitis and thereís nothing they can do.
However, Mom doesnít know. And my sisterís, my wife (who is truly another daughter to my mom) and I have agreed not to tell her for as long as we can put it off. Momís primary care doctor, through no fault of his own, told my mom last week that he felt through diet and plenty of water she could beat the cirrhosis. That really got my momís hope and spirits up, and she looks and feels 10 times better than she did a week ago. So, when I received the info from the doctor this morning that no, my mom is not going to get better because they canít fix the auto-immune hepatitis that is causing the cirrhosis, I told my sisters (Iím the ďbig brotherĒ) and my wife that Mom should not be told as long as we can put it off. Iím pretty sure the doctor will inform her when she goes in for her appointment in about a month.
Of course Iím hurting because Iím losing my mom. But my dadís been gone for several years, Momís lonely, sheís 85, and she has been sick and in pain for far too long. Itís time she went home. I guess that I just need some reassurance from the Lord and friends that my not telling her that her time is near is for her benefit and not mine.
Thanks.
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  #2  
Old 08-20-2015, 02:00 PM
Doninalaska Doninalaska is offline
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Bless your mom. Consider the payers sent.
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  #3  
Old 08-20-2015, 02:59 PM
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Wildapple Female Wildapple is offline
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I'm fairly new to posting on this forum, but I will keep your family in my prayers. God bless you all.
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Old 08-20-2015, 05:37 PM
MtnManJim Male MtnManJim is offline
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Thanks for the prayers folks. I talked to Mom on the phone last night and she sounds great. I'm determined now about not telling her she's soon to be with the Lord until I absolutely have to - IF that time even comes. Who, besides God, knows what tomorrow holds? I sure don't.
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Old 08-20-2015, 07:54 PM
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backlash Male backlash is offline
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My prayers to you and your family.
It is a tough situation for you all and I wish the best for you.
I am of mixed opinion about telling your Mom.
I can see where she is better off not knowing until she has to know.
On the other hand I would be highly ticked off it someone kept that information from me.
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Old 08-20-2015, 08:33 PM
MtnManJim Male MtnManJim is offline
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Exactly backlash. You spelled out the dilemma perfectly. In the long run, I don't want to hurt Mom, nor make her angry. But she's just feeling so good right now because she thinks she's getting well, I can't bring myself to tell her the truth.
Thank you so much for your prayers and concern.
Jim
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Old 08-24-2015, 08:53 PM
wildturnip Female wildturnip is offline
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I will pray for you family. My grandma had stomach and liver cancer. My mom and aunt didn't want her to know so they never did tell her. I guess the best thing depends on the person. I personally would want to know. There would be things I would want to say to folks before I died.
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Old 08-27-2015, 06:05 PM
CountryMom22 Female CountryMom22 is offline
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Jim, I'm sorry to hear about your Mom. I agree, you're between a rock and a hard place. I do believe that you are withholding this info to protect your Mom, as she seems to be feeling better. Unfortunately, if she quickly takes a turn for the worst, you may be depriving her of the time/opportunity to say her goodbyes.

I don't know what the right answer is. I do believe that you are making this decision to protect your Mom, not yourself. I don't know what I would do and hope that I never need to face this issue. But you are right, none of us knows what God will do. Miracles do happen.

My prayers are with you and your family.
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  #9  
Old 08-27-2015, 11:10 PM
MtnManJim Male MtnManJim is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildturnip View Post
I will pray for you family. My grandma had stomach and liver cancer. My mom and aunt didn't want her to know so they never did tell her. I guess the best thing depends on the person. I personally would want to know. There would be things I would want to say to folks before I died.
Update: After church on Sunday, my wife and I spent a quite a while in the prayer room, praying and crying with a fellow believer. Because of the time we spent there, coupled with the prayers, thoughts and understanding that you good folks have shown, I believe weíve been given the answer as to whether or not to tell my mom.
We are going to tell her. If not next weekend, at least before she sees her doctor on the 29th of next month. I spoke with her doctor earlier this week and he said that the cirrhosis caused by the hepatitis is not yet progressing very fast. So we probably have time, unless something else goes wrong.
Mom lives on the other side of Idaho from us (about 300 miles) so my wife and I will need to plan a trip over there. Thatís no big deal Ė weíre both pretty much retired, and itís a nice drive this time of year anyway.
Wildturnip, I want to especially thank you for what you said about your maybe having things to say to people before you go. That hit me pretty hard Ė in a good way. I donít want to go into a big, long story, but the facts are, even though I get along tolerably with each of my three sisters, as well as my mom, my oldest sister, Laura has been at bitter odds with mom for years. What you said opened my eyes Ė my keeping the real truth about momís condition from her is possibly denying her the chance to make amends with her oldest daughter. Whether the two of them do that or not, is not up to me. But I canít deny either of them that chance.
Anyway, thanks for listening folks. And thank you so very, very much for your advice, thoughts and prayers.
God bless,
Jim
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  #10  
Old 08-29-2015, 02:36 AM
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I'm so very sorry to hear about your mother, and I realize you don't know me but please accept my prayers for your mother, for you and the rest of your family as well. God spoke to you about it and you heard.

I can't imagine how hard it will be for you, but God will be with you and your mother every minute, every step. Lean on Him when you need to.
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  #11  
Old 09-04-2015, 07:47 PM
CountryMom22 Female CountryMom22 is offline
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I think you have made the right decision.

Your mother should be proud.

Keeping you and your family in my prayers,
Sue
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  #12  
Old 09-07-2015, 10:38 PM
MtnManJim Male MtnManJim is offline
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Thank you so much for your prayers everyone. And thank you for the understanding you have shown through your words of encouragement.
We made the trip over to the Boise Valley where my mom lives this weekend, and I told her what was up. Rather, I guess Iíd have to say, my wonderful wife, Barbara and I told her together. It was tough, but Molly I know you were right Ė God was with us all the way through it, making it not nearly as horrible as I had thought it was going to be.
I donít know if many people would approve or not of the bit of humor we found in the situation, but Iím pretty sure God didnít mind. After we told Mom, she said; ďWell, it looks like Iíd better get up to Heydlauff Canyon pretty soon.Ē That made us all laugh. You see, Heydlauff Canyon is the area my family has deer hunted since I was a kid. Itís a beautiful area, and my dad had requested that his ashes be scattered near the top of the canyon. As a matter of fact, my mom, my wife, and I all want our ashes scattered up there. Barbís and my two daughters and at least one grandson who shot his first deer there, know the exact spot. Anyway, Dad died in 2007, and Momís been putting off going up to Heydlauff Canyon to scatter his ashes for several years. When Mom said that about getting up to Heydlauff Canyon pretty soon, I think we all were momentarily overcome with a bit of gallows humor Ė that is, if she doesnít get up there pretty soon, some members of the family are going to be scattering her and Dadís ashes near the top of Heydlauff Canyon at the same time.
I donít know Ė maybe you had to be there. But we all laughed when Mom said that. It broke the tension, and the rest of the weekend spent with Mom was pretty darn nice. Weíre going to drive over there to the Boise Valley again in a few weeks, just for a visit. That is, if Mom and a couple of my sisters donít drive over here first. Thatís a possibility, because the fact is, Heydlauff Canyon is on THIS side of Idaho, near where Barbara and I live.
Thanks again everyone,
Jim
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  #13  
Old 09-08-2015, 01:09 AM
Kachad Male Kachad is offline
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Jim - My thoughts are with you. I hope that your Mother has many more years of life. Based on your posts, I have confidence that you are doing you are giving her all time and support that you can.

When she does pass, which will eventually happen, you'll feel guilt no matter how involved you are.

My thoughts and prayers are with you - now and in the future.

When the eventual circle of life does start a new beginning of her - I will pray even harder for you. It takes a long time to come to terms with that type if change in life, one gains much wisdom from that transition - but nobody ever recovers.
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