Irreverent Jokes – Issue #126

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #126


The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the FBI, and the CIA want to see who is best at catching perps. So a rabbit is released into the forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After months of extensive investigation, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later, dragging a bruised mountain lion behind them. The mountain lion’s yelling, “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas, who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth. One of my sisters lives in Platteville and is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview. She is a part time “working girl.”

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who is an Obama supporter?

Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, “And how much money do you make a week?”

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $200 a week. Why?”

The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams, “Here’s a week’s pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!”

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?”

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters…

“He’s the pizza delivery guy!”

A Jewish grandmother takes her three-year-old grandson to the beach. She’s watching him play in the sand at the water’s edge when a huge wave suddenly washes up over the beach. When the water recedes, the little boy is gone. The grandmother stands up, shakes her fist at the sky, and yells, “How could you take him? He was so young! He had so much promise! He was so innocent! How could you take him?”

With that, another huge wave washes up onto the beach. When the water recedes, there’s the little boy playing in the sand, completely dry and untouched. The grandmother looks back up at the sky and yells, “He was wearing a hat.”

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