Irreverent Jokes – Issue #132

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #132


A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited: “I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.

“The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss’s wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled.

“But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish, full of good and loving people.”

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk “I’ll never forget the first day our Parish Priest arrived,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.”

An old country preacher had a teenage son and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do and he didn’t seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of whiskey, and a Playboy magazine.

“I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old preacher said to himself. “When he comes home from school today, I’ll see which object he picks up.”

“If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he’s going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.”

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month’s centerfold.

“Lord have mercy,” the old Preacher disgustedly whispered. “He’s gonna run for Congress.”


REDNECK HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Buy a pair of size 14-16 work boots.

2. Put them on the front porch with a copy of Guns & Ammo.

3. Put some giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on the door: “Bubba: Me & Bertha went for more ammo and beer. Back soon. Don’t mess with the pit bulls; they messed the mailman up bad this morning. I don’t think Killer took part; hard to tell from all the blood. I locked all four of ’em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back. Cooter”

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