issue 137 – humor – jokes

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #137


How do you catch a unique chicken?
Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame chicken?
Tame way.

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psychopath.

How do you get holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.

What do eskimos get from sitting
on the ice too long?

Polaroids

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese

What do you call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate clauses

What do you call four bullfighters
in quicksand?

Quatro cinco

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk

A fourth-grade class was studying the development of the auto industry. The teacher had emphasized the role played by Henry Ford, whose assembly lines decreased production costs.

At the end of the course, she gave a test including the question: “What did Henry Ford invent that made buying a car more affordable?”

One of the students wrote: “0% financing.”

I was evicted from my ranch today due to bankruptcy.

I put up a good fight, but in the end I was deranged.

Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.

I was at the store late the other night. When it was time to pay for groceries, the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.” Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security going too far, I did just as instructed. When the shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I learned that the cashier was referring to my credit card.

A woman from a small southern town goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The newspaper editor informs her the fee for the obituary is a dollar per word. She pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, just let it read, ‘Billy Bob died.'”

Amused at the woman’s thrift, the editor says, “Sorry ma’am but there’s a seven-word minimum on all obituaries.”

A little flustered, she thinks things over and replies, “In that case, let it read: ‘Billy Bob died – red truck for sale.'”

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