issue 140 – humor – jokes

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #140


A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!” The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much. The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I’ve been driving a funeral hearse for the last 25 years.”

Wife hit her husband with frying pan.

Husband: What was that for?

Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it.

Husband: I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse.

Wife: Sorry!

Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again.

Husband: What now?

Wife: Your horse is on the phone.

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin pi.

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.” Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.” The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those?”

The Aussie, fed up with the Texan’s bragging replies with an incredulous look, “What, don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”

New gardeners learn by trowel and error.

I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though I knew that I was not speeding. Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed. I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail’s pace. Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

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