issue 149 – humor – jokes

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #149


A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor, putting a worm first into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sat in back, raised his hand and wisely responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”

I didn’t make it to the gym today.
That makes five years in a row!

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing,
chewing tobacco, and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, “Think I’m gonna divorce the Wife — she ain’t spoke to me in over 2 months.”

Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, “Better think it over … women like that are hard to find.”

Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in a cafeteria at a mental hospital.

A new priest, born and raised in Texas, comes to serve in a city parish and is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, “Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like “yes, I see,” and “yes, go on,” and “I understand.”

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand, and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says, “Now, don’t you think that’s a little better than slapping your knee and saying, ‘Holy crap! What happened next?'”

At breakfast, the husband says to the wife, “What would you do if I won the Lotto?”

“I’d take my half and leave you,” she says.

“Great,” he says. “Here’s $6. I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch.”

Two farmers were talking to each other when one of them asked, “Can a man make a fool of himself without knowing it?”

“Not if he has a wife,” replied the other.

I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.

Job interview:

“What’s your greatest weakness?”

“Honesty.”

“I don’t think honesty is a weakness.”

“I don’t give a damn what you think.”

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