issue 152 – humor – jokes

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #152


Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Texas A&M Study Calls Obama 5th Best President in America.

Good research work by a fine institution.

From a total of 44 US Presidents: Obama is rated as the 5th best. The A&M’s Public Relations Office released this statement “After only 5 years in office, Americans have rated President Obama the 5th best President ever.”

These are the details according to Texas A&M:

1. Reagan and Lincoln tied for first,

2. Twenty three presidents tied for second,

3. Seventeen other presidents tied for third,

4. Jimmy Carter came in fourth, and

5. Obama came in fifth.

This is reasonable.

The barn at Larry and Susan’s farm burned down, and Susan called the insurance company.

Susan: “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.”

Agent: “Wait just a minute, Susan … it doesn’t work quite like that. We will determine the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.”

Susan, after a pause: “I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”

A golfer walks off the 18th green, hands his putter to his caddie and says, “Kid, you’ve got to be the worst caddie in the world.”

The caddie replies, “Sir, that would be too much of a coincidence.”

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub. An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.

A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.

“Fishing,” replied the old man.

“Poor old fool” thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.

Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked, “And how many have you caught today?”

“You’re the eighth.”

A duck was about to cross the road, and a chicken came running up to him saying, “Don’t do it man, you’ll never hear the end of it!”

Sally Mullihan of Yuma, Arizona decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.

The foreman thought the woman applying for a job in the Yuma lemon grove seemed far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”

“Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I’ve been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers, and voted for Obama twice.”

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

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