Which of these guys in traditional New Years imagery do you think I identify with?
Yeah, you guessed it…but there’s less difference than you might think.
The Evil Princess, my Adult Supervisor and Nurse-Caregiver, was a critical care pediatric nurse in her former career before I kidnapped rescued her and got her into the firearms industry. I am her first geriatric patient. (Someone asked her once, “What’s the difference?” She answered, “Mainly, the size of the diapers.”)
Support of adult male self-esteem, it turns out, was NOT her specialty.
Arthritis is twisting up my gun hand more than any other part of my soon-to-turn-70 body. A surgeon buddy in one of my advanced classes gave me a prescription he says is great for my arthritis. (Didn’t mention that the prescription costs $2400, but he gave me a discount coupon, at least). He’s a specialist in pediatric orthopedics.
When I was young, I learned that there is a simple formula to gauge age. “You know you’re a grownup when the cops are younger than you, and you know you’re old when your doctors are younger than you.”
I fit the profile.
About the same day I got the prescription, I received an advertisement for cremation and assorted other end-of-life services. At my age, you don’t see those things as coincidental.
But, I always look on the bright side. “It’s not that I’m getting older, it’s that every day there are more younger women.”
Ya gotta think positive.
Now, put that all together. I have my very own dedicated geriatric nurse. I got my most recent prescription from a guy who can be described as an advanced pediatrician. When someone my age is seeing a pediatrician, obviously, the prognosis is that Second Childhood is on the horizon.
Again, I must think positive. If age is a bell curve, it should go: “Prenatal>Infancy>Childhood>Adolescence>Young Adulthood>Prime of Life>Golden Years>THERE IS A BLANK SPACE HERE> Second Childhood>Total Senility>Death.”
Well, I’m well into what’s supposed to be the Golden Years, right? So I should be getting very soon into that thing before Second Childhood, THE BLANK SPACE.
And that BLANK SPACE in a perfect bell curve and a perfect world, should obviously be –
It should come any time now. If my first adolescence is any prediction, anything stupid I do will be excused by “Cut him some slack, he’s just an old fart,” much like the first time around when it was “Cut him some slack, he’s just a kid.” This time around I won’t be crazy, I’ll be…eccentric!
And I’ll be able to eat like a pig and not gain weight and never need to sleep and have twenty erections a day.
If my bell curve theory works.
But, enough about me. What are YOUR plans and predictions for 2018? And what’s your take on our friend and fellow Second Amendment supporter Dave Workman, who tallies up 2017 here?