Last week, I was teaching in the Omaha area, and some of the good people there presented me with a certificate declaring me an Admiral in the Navy of the State of Nebraska.
It was kinda cool, a “Kentucky Colonel” sorta thing, only with a little more whimsy to it.
It has turned out to be fun. I put my hand on the thigh of the Evil Princess and asked, “Now that I’m an admiral, does that make me a ‘squid’?” She slapped my hand away and sighed, “Seems more like an octopus to me.”
But that will not deter me from fulfilling my new leadership responsibilities. A navy in a Free World state should be committed to liberation and freedom. Therefore, I should attempt to recruit some Sailors and Marines, all voluntary of course. I’m told that the current Navy of Nebraska may consist of a wooden boat up on blocks in a cornfield, but that should not deter us freedom-lovers from assembling a fleet of privately-owned bass boats, manned by volunteers armed with good ol’ Nebraska pheasant guns (and perhaps a few Barrett Light .50s on tripods).
We’ll tow the bass boats to Interstate 80, sail up the Chicago River, effect an amphibious landing, and liberate the city of Chicago. Given the fact that Mayor Daley’s regime has effectively disarmed everyone but the cops and the criminals, we should have clear, uh, sailing. Most of the several thousand remaining Chicago cops should be on our side (see HERE if you don’t believe me) as a most effective fifth column to help us restore order to the city they love, serve, and protect. The criminals? A few hundred honest Midwesterners with Flite-Control buckshot and rifled slugs in their 12-gauges should sort that out quickly.
We exile Mayor Daley to the Island of Elba, or perhaps more appropriately, to Northerly Island (formerly Meigs Field, the airport Daley imperiously bulldozed), and restore freedom to about three million people.
“First,” I told the Evil Princess as I tickled her tummy, “We’ll have to practice navel maneuvers.”
“Don’t be naughty-cal,” she said as she slapped my hand away again.
This admiral thing is cooler than I thought it would be, but they never warned me that it would make my hand hurt…
The new admiral reviews a possible flagship…