Don’t leave your gun, your money,  OR your phone lying around where anyone can reach them.

From my old friend Rich Grassi, gun expert and retired street cop:

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:

MAN: “Hello.”

WOMAN: “Hi, honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes.”

WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it okay if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN:”I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$90,000.”

MAN: “Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.”

WOMAN: “Okay. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”

MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”


  1. Heard that one before, but the message is still good advice. A fairly frequent radio message back when I was still working was either “Did I leave an item in __________?” or “____________, you left an item (phone charger).” I’ve still got a flip phone (using the old Bell ringtone), wonder if any of the younger folks even know how to use one?

    • no but I can still run a Motorola Bag Phone…….

      I CERTAINY cannot run my I M Stupider than my Phone phone.. stupid thing has a mind of its own.

      • Got one of those in a closet somewhere! Come to think of it, had a company provided car phone back in the early 70’s that took up considerable trunk space and cost several grand.

      • WR Moore,

        I have a Verizon LG flip phone. It was being phased out in 2013 when I bought it. However, I have checked, and you can still buy flip phones. I saw two models at the store. I plan to buy a smart phone when I get a middle class job. Till then, my phone works fine on its second battery. It never fails, although some people are hard to understand, but the problem is on their end. I used to pay $29 a month, but they recently raised the price to $32 a month. I used the old Bell ringtone for years. Recently I changed it to the more piercing one used for alarm settings because my phone is always in a case on my belt or in my pocket. Can’t hear the old Bell ringtone in a crowd, even though I also have it set on “vibrate” too.

        Hey, any machine that works is a good machine. I could probably go back to a landline except they are $50 a month. My phone can take still photos, and send 20 texts at the same time. It can even surf the Net, but I don’t want to look at things on that tiny screen. We are living in “The Golden Age of Technology.”

      • WR Moore,

        Oh yeah. I charge my phone once every 5–7 days, even though it has only gone down one bar.

  2. I am tired of warning people at the firehouse to LOG OUT AND CLOSE THE BROWSER when they are done using their web e-mail on the Radio Room computer. From now on, I will send myself a message from their account expressing their long time deep love for me, and then ask them privately to explain the message. Cue the ensuing hilarity.

    I bet they heed my advice after that.

  3. My ‘dumb’ cellular phone is always in one of these three places: On my belt (usually turned off – it’s my phone for my convenience); in my car’s center console when I’m driving (turned off); in the house in a semi-secret drawer. It gets less than one hour usage a month.
    Years ago one of my supervisors was upset because he couldn’t reach me when I was on a sea trial during working hours. I told him that ‘if you want me to be available via cellular phone then issue me a company one – mine is for my OWN use and stays off unless I want it on’. I found a better job shortly thereafter…

  4. That reminds me of a video from many years ago when phones started to get smart, but before the iPhone. Two men are in a conference room, one of them gets up to go get more coffee. He leaves his phone behind on the table, which rings soon after he leaves. The other guy picks it up and it answers it. It’s a live video of a nice looking lady doing a striptease, all the way down. He looks wide eyed until the woman is finished, then puts the phone back down on the table. The owner of the phone walks in shortly after, and the guy who had picked up the phone call says, “Ummm, your wife called!”

    It’s well acted, actually …

  5. Some years ago, we had a new guy in the office. Let’s call him Billy.

    Well, this new guy. Billy, was assigned to me to train. So, I looked over our current workload in the office. The easy stuff, I picked out to do myself. The hard jobs, I assigned to Billy’s work queue.

    I also rotated Billy into Permit processing which is a nit-picky, time-consuming job. Especially for a first-timer that was still “learning the ropes”.

    Along about this time, our Information Technology (IT) Office called up. They asked if it would be OK with me if they assigned Billy to a Three (3) day software class. Now, I had already arranged for a full workload for Billy to do for the next month. However, the specific IT question asked: Was it OK WITH ME to assign Billy to this software class. In all honesty, I had to admit that it was just fine WITH ME to do so! 🙂

    Needless to say, Billy did not fully appreciate all my efforts on his behalf. In fact, he was prone to remind me of my training methods even years later!

    I simply told him that this was our SOP training method in our office. We called it the “Sink or Swim Training Method”. 🙂

    My point being, you don’t even have to be careless to get screwed. Sometimes, it is enough to simply be ignorant of what is going on. Eternal Vigilance is the Answer!

  6. Mas, you did it this time… provoked a big huge belly laugh.. that HURT because of my broken rib………

    yeah, but I opened and read the silly thing. But I missed the mark.. I was expecting a ratioinal discussion of the dangers and possibilities of leaving your “life in a brick” lhying about. Shouldda known youd make the point more clearlhy than if you had lectured us all.. AND the belly laugh.

    Nice work.. but OUCH!! (most times mine is either ON my person or well secured. And unless I am iminently expecting an important call , tone is OFF.

  7. I almost spit out my coffee … and it was Dean & Deluca coffee, not Folgers so that would have been a REAL tragedy. Thanks for the laugh, Mas.

  8. Yeah, don’t EVER leave a personal electronic device unlocked and accessable in the military.

    No, don’t ask.

    Just… don’t.

    P.S. Dick pics are the LEAST that can happen….

  9. Gotta a couple of calls about my kid not showing up for school. Interesting, because I don’t have any kids… Seems somebody gave out the wrong contact info… You could hear the hair raise on the back of the head of the gal calling me from some of my answers! Half expected CPS to show up. 😉

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