Irreverent Jokes – Issue #131

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #131

I was down near the Texas/Mexico border visiting a friend when I saw a fundamentalist Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River one morning. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs that he was carrying.

Along with him was an illegal Mexican drug cartel member who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back.

I knew if they didn’t get help soon, they’d surely drown.

Being a responsible Snowbird, and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed both the El Paso County Sheriff’s Office and Homeland Security.

It is now 4 pm, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded. I’m starting to think I wasted two stamps.

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body.”

The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”

The man replies, “That would be my wife.”

In the Beginning, God made the Heaven and Earth. The rest was Made in China.

For six days God could not be found. Finally, on the seventh day, Michael, the archangel, found Him.

“Where have You been?” Michael asked.

God smiled deeply and proudly and pointed down through the clouds. “Look,” He said. “Look what I’ve made.”

Michael looked down, but was puzzled. “What is it?” he asked.

“It’s a planet. And I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test Balance.”

“Balance? What do you mean?” asked Michael.

Pointing to the different parts of the Earth, God explained. “Over there I’ve placed a continent of black people and there I’ve placed a continent of white people. Europe will have wealth and opportunity, Africa will be poor.” God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice. Everything is in Balance.”

The Archangel was impressed. He pointed out a land area and said, “What is that?”

“That’s Washington State,” said God, “the most glorious place on earth. It has beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers and streams, hills, forests and plains. The people there will be handsome, intelligent, modest, and humorous. They will be hardworking, high achieving, sociable, and producers of software.”

Michael was in awe and filled with admiration. He asked, “But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”

God smiled. “Yes,” He said, “There’s another Washington. Wait till you see the idiots I put in that place!”

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign… “Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.”

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