Top Navigation  
 
U.S. Flag waving
Office Hours Momday - Friday  8 am - 5 pm Pacific 1-800-835-2418
 
Facebook   YouTube   Twitter
 
 
Backwoods Home Magazine, self-reliance, homesteading, off-grid

Features
 Home Page
 Current Issue
 Article Index
 Author Index
 Previous Issues
 Print Display Ads
 Print Classifieds
 Newsletter
 Letters
 Humor
 Free Stuff
 Recipes
 Home Energy

General Store
 Ordering Info
 Subscriptions
 Kindle Subscriptions
 ePublications
 Anthologies
 Books
 Back Issues
 Help Yourself
 All Specials
 Classified Ad

Advertise
 Web Site Ads
 Magazine Ads

BHM Blogs
 Ask Jackie Clay
 Massad Ayoob
 Claire Wolfe
 James Kash
 Where We Live
 Behind The Scenes
 Dave on Twitter
Retired Blogs
 Oliver Del Signore
 David Lee
 Energy Questions
 Bramblestitches

Quick Links
 Home Energy Info
 Jackie Clay
 Ask Jackie Online
 Dave Duffy
 Massad Ayoob
 John Silveira
 Claire Wolfe

Forum / Chat
 Forum/Chat Info
 Enter Forum
 Lost Password

More Features
 Contact Us/
 Change of Address
 Write For BHM
 Meet The Staff
 Meet The Authors
 Disclaimer and
 Privacy Policy


Retired Features
 Country Moments
 Links
 Feedback
 Radio Show


Link to BHM

Father of the year

By Oliver Del Signore

Oliver Del Signore

June 28, 2001

When I write a column, it's usually because I have an opinion about something, but today I am asking for help. I am asking a question.

What is wrong with some women?

I read, in an advice column today, a letter from a woman who was wondering if she should take her two-year-old child and leave her boyfriend. This woman has been with the guy for about five years now, two before she became pregnant and three since. According to what she wrote, here is a list of some of the qualities the boyfriend brings to the relationship:

1. He's lazy and could not be bothered to work for three years until just before the baby was born. (One wonders where he got his money all those years.)

2. He's spoiled and self-centered. (And she found this attractive in a man.)

3. He's irresponsible. (Another attractive quality every prospective father should have, eh?)

4. He's inattentive. (Yes, if I were a woman it would certainly be my dream to meet a man who would not pay any attention to me.)

5. He's selfish. (And I'd definitely want the guy to not care what I think about anything.)

6. He's controlling and threatening. (And to top it off, my dream guy would simply have to be the sort who abused me and kept me "penned in.")

7. He "has problems with things that I don't want in my son's or my life." (No comment required, I think.)

Now, I do understand the psychology of the attraction some women feel to "bad boys" and, although I think it is stupid, I can even understand wanting a quick roll in the hay with one. But to establish a relationship with such a loser? To have sex with him on a regular basis, all the while exposing yourself to all the endearing qualities listed above? And then to have a child with him?

What could she possibly have been thinking even getting involved with the dope? Is she capable of rational thought at all? One wonders given that now, after five years with this mega-loser, she has this question to ask of the advice columnist: "Would it be selfish of me to leave to find my happiness and give up on my child's happiness of growing up with both parents under the same roof?"

Does she really imagine her child would be happier and better off by allowing Mr. Wonderful to teach his son to be the same kind of man he is? (And you just know if she stayed she'd get pregnant again and again, affording her boyfriend the opportunity to guide the development of a whole passel of future losers.) Can she really think it is good for a child to live with a man who ignores and bullies him?

The columnist advised counseling for her and her boyfriend. Personally, I would have advised her get as far away from him as she can as quickly as possible; to give her child up for adoption because she shouldn't be raising a pet much less a child; and to rush right out to her doctor and request her tubes be tied, severed, or completely removed because it is of paramount importance to the future of the human race that she, and other women like her, never, ever, reproduce again. (Or maybe I'm just overreacting. My wife tells me I do that sometimes.)

So now I repeat my question – what is wrong with some women? I really want to know because I really do not understand. What is it that causes women to choose men like that since it goes against all the laws of nature and self-preservation?

My wife didn't have an answer for me, nor did my daughter (which was actually a great relief to me since it indicated I'm not likely to end up with a loser boyfriend-in-law.) I am appealing to all the sane, rational women out there – the ones who visit the Backwoods Home Magazine web site – to educate me. Help me to understand what makes women choose such losers to father their children. Explain the thought process that leads them to conclude a lazy, self-centered, irresponsible, inattentive, selfish, controlling, abusive man with "problems" is a great catch.

I'll include a sampling of your explanations – if anyone has any – in my next column.

In the meantime, I'll be sitting here scratching my head, feeling very sorry for an anonymous two-year-old boy.

Oliver Del Signore is a freelance writer, proofreader, creative consultant, website designer, and the webmaster for Backwoods Home Magazine. He welcomes comments and inquiries via email to




Read More by Oliver Del Signore

Read More Opinion / Commentary

 
      Please address comments regarding this page to editor[at]backwoodshome.com. Comments may appear in the "Letters" section of Backwoods Home Magazine. Although every email is read, busy schedules generally do not permit personal responses.


 
 

 
 
 
 
 
Copyright © 1998 - Present by Backwoods Home Magazine. All Rights Reserved.