Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. They set up their tent, and are soon fast asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replies, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?” Holmes pauses for a moment, shaking his head, then says, “Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.”

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. “Reverend,” she wailed, “John and I had a dreadful fight.” “Calm down, my child,” said the minister, “it’s not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight.” “I know, I know,” said Joanna. “But what am I going to do with the body?”

How the government works: Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night, so they created a night watchman, GS-4 position, and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said, How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So they created a planning position and hired two (2) people, one person to write the instructions, GS-12, and one person to do time studies, GS-11. Then Congress said, How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly? So they created a Quality Control position and hired two (2) people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports. Then Congress said, How are these people going to get paid? So they created the following positions, a time keeper, GS-09, and a payroll officer, GS-11, and hired two (2) people. Then Congress said, Who will be accountable for all of these people? So they created an administrative position and hired three (3) people, an Administrative Officer GS-13, Assistant Administrative Officer GS-13, and a Legal Secretary GS-08. Then Congress said, We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost. So they did the obvious and most prudent thing—they laid off the night watchman.

It's wise to remember how easily email, this wonderful technology, can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.

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