A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, “Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!” All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. “Okay,” he said, “I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is not made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she’d have children if she had to do it over again. “Sure,” she replied, “but not the same ones.”

Q: How do you stop a Taliban tank? A: Shoot the guy pushing it.

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise. And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, “How do I know you’re Picasso?” Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in. When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. “How can you prove to me you’re George W. Bush?” Saint Peter said. Bush replied, “Well heck, I don’t know.” St. Peter says, “Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you’re George W. Bush?” Bush replies, “Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?” St. Peter says, “It must be you, George, c’mon on in.”

Hillary Clinton went for her annual exam. After the exam, the OB-GYN told her that she was pregnant, and in great shape. Hillary couldn’t believe the news and stormed out of the office. She rushed to her limo and picked up the phone to her husband. “You got me pregnant! How could you be so careless?” There is a silence on the other end. Finally, she hears Bill’s voice. “Who is this?”

Bush and Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn’t that Bush and Powell?” The barman says, “Yep, that’s them.” So the guy walks over and says, “Hello. What are you guys doing?” Bush replies, “We’re planning World War III.” The guy asks, “Really? What’s going to happen?” Bush says, “Well, we’re going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman.” The guy exclaims, “Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?” Bush turns to Powell and says, “See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Afghans.”

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