Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a month of each other, a woman asked, “What kind of boy did your daughter marry?” “Oh, he’s wonderful,” gushed the mother. “He lets her sleep late, wants her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out to dinner every night.” “That’s nice,” said the woman. “What about your son?” “I’m not so happy about that,” the mother sighed. “His wife sleeps late, spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out meals!”

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied the Irishman “I’ve lost all me luggage!” “How’d that happen?” “The cork fell out,” said the Irishman.

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: “Floor 1 - These men have jobs.” The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes. The second floor sign reads: “Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.” The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads: “Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.” “Hmmm, better.” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?” The fourth floor sign reads: “Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, and help with the housework.” “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads: “Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.” “Oh, mercy me! But just think what must be awaiting me further on?” So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: “Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.”

A blonde gets a job painting road lines on the highway. At the end of the first day the foreman comes to her and asks “How much did you paint?” She says, “About four miles.” “Wow, that’s twice the average, good job,” says the foreman. The next day the blonde paints two miles. But on the third day, she paints only one mile, so the foreman asks her why her work production is falling off. The blonde replies, “I keep getting further and further from the paint bucket.”

Read More Irreverent Jokes