Irreverent Jokes
From Issue #158
A blonde boarded a flight for New York on an economy ticket, but insisted on seating herself in First Class. The stewardesses did everything they could to ask her, reason with her, and generally persuade her to move back to the main cabin. The blonde insisted, however, "I'm a model and an actress, I'm sitting in First Class because I'm going to New York to be a big movie star."
The ladies had to admit defeat, and passed the problem to the co-pilot. In his turn, he approached the difficult passenger, only to be refused, with the same excuse, "I'm a model and an actress, I'm sitting in First Class because I'm going to New York to be a big star."
The crew's frustration finally reached the ears of the captain. "Hold on," he said, "I'm married to a blonde. Let me have a try."
He spoke to the young lady in question for a few moments. To everyone's amazement, the passenger got up at once and quietly re-seated herself in the right part of the aircraft. They all asked the captain, "What on earth did you say to her?"
He smiled quietly. "I just told her that First Class wasn't going to New York."
Brilliant Irish text message
"Mary, I'm having just one more pint with the lads. If I'm not home in 20 minutes, read this message again."
A wealthy Arab sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood, in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After successful surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds, and $100,000, in appreciation for giving his blood.
A few months later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Black Magic chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before.
He phoned the Arab and said: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds, and money but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins."
Italian Pasta Diet " It really works!
1. You walka pasta da bakery.
2. You walka pasta da candy store.
3. You walka pasta da ice cream shop.
4. You walka pasta da table and fridge.
You will lose weight!