issue 155 – humor – jokes

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #155

Presently, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Every day, I go to the street and tell a passerby what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before, and what I will do after. I give them pictures of my wife, my daughter, my dog, and me gardening and spending time in my pool. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.

And it works!

I already have three people following me: two police officers and a psychiatrist.

“Sugar, sit down by the table and we’ll start supper,” said Dorothy to her husband of 50 years.

“Sure thing,” said her husband, settling himself down.

“Now darling, would you like the soup first or the salad?” questioned Dorothy.

“I guess I’ll take the soup,” he responded.

After a whole meal of one endearing term after another, their guest, Bob, couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer. Bob snuck into the kitchen and asked, “Dorothy, do you always talk to your husband like that?”

“Bob, I’ll be honest with you,” Dorothy replied. “For the last five years, I haven’t been able to remember his name, and I am just too embarrassed to ask him!”

Waiter: “And how did you find your steak, sir?”

Customer: “Well, I just moved my potato and there it was!”

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define “great,” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

What’s red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

The doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.

At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.

The young doctor glanced at the list, but his eyes grew wide as he realized old Mrs. Smith had a prescription for birth control pills.

“Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?”

“Yes, they help me sleep at night.”

“Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!”

She reached out and patted the young doctor’s knee. “Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old granddaughter drinks and believe me, it definitely helps me sleep at night.”

Comments are closed.