issue 139 – humor – jokes

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #139

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.

“What for?” he snapped at the judge.

His Honor, equally irked by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared out loud: “Twenty dollars contempt of court! That’s why!”

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. “That’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.”

The young man replied, “I know. I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words.”

A local hunting guide got himself into a pickle.

His party became hopelessly lost in the mountains and they blamed him for leading them astray.

“You told us you were the best guide in Colorado!” they asserted.

“I am!” he said, “but I think we’re in Wyoming now.”

A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in summer camp.

He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked, “Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?”

The boy replied, “Apparently, you never had a mother.”

I’m not saying the customer service at my bank is bad but when I asked the teller to check my balance she pushed me.

A businessman was confused about a bill he just received so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. He asked, “If I were to give you $20,000 dollars minus 14% how much would you take off?”

She replied, “Everything but my earrings.”

Two trucks loaded with a thousand copies of Roget’s Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to the Associated Press.

Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied.

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