issue 145 – humor – jokes

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #145

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news:

“There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’ll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow.

Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.”

Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her racing mind. She simply had to know.

She met the Fortune Teller’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked,

“Will I be acquitted?”

A man and his fiancée met with her priest to sign some pre-wedding ceremony papers. While filling out the form, the man read aloud a few questions.

Then he got to the last one which read, “Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?”

He glanced over at his fiancée.

She said, “Put down ‘yes.'”

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one-question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk, and wrote on the board: “Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote more than 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class, however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: “What chair?”

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular.

“When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I’d get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o’ bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans … all for a dollar!!”

Then Grandpa said sadly, “You can’t DO that anymore … they got those danged video cameras everywhere.”

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