Irreverent Jokes – Issue #115

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #115



The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it.

The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.


Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in Monaghan’s flat in Dungarvan when Sean O’Toole loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael Lennon looks around and asks, “Oh, me boys, someone’s got to tell Sean’s wife. Who will it be?”

They draw straws.

Cavan Colquhoun picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet and gentle and not to make a bad situation any worse.

“Discreet? I’m the most discreet Irishman you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me,” announces Cavan.

He goes over to O’Toole’s house and knocks on the door.

Brenda O’Toole answers and asks what he wants. Cavan declares, “Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home.”

“Tell him to drop dead!” snarls Brenda.

“I’ll go tell him,” says Cavan.


When Fishermen Meet

“Hiyamac”
    “Lobuddy”
“Binearlong?”
    “Coplours”
“Cetchenny?”
    “Goddafew”
“Kindarthay?”
    “Bassencarp”
“Ennysizetoom?”
    “Couplapowns”
“Hittinhard?”
    “Sordalike”
“Wachoosen?”
    “Gobbawurms”
“Fishanonaboddum?”
    “Rydonaboddum”
“Whatchadrinkin?”
    “Jugajimbeam”
“Igoddago”
    “Tubad”
“Seeyaroun”
    “Yeahtakideezy”
“Guluck”


The value of a drink

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” " Henny Youngman

“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!” "Brian O’Rourke

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.” "Stephen Wright

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” "Dave Barry

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” "Benjamin Franklin

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