Irreverent Jokes – Issue #128

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #128


A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy a half head of lettuce.

The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce.

The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some idiot wants to buy half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.”

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”

“Canada, sir,” the boy replied.

“Well, why did you leave Canada?” the manager asked.

The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there.”

“Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from Canada.”

“No kidding?” replied the boy. “Who’d she play for?”

A lot of folks cannot understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.

Well, there is a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn’t know we were getting low.

The reason for this is purely geographical. Our oil is located in Alaska, California, Oklahoma and Texas.

Our dipsticks are located in Washington DC.

Marriages are made in heaven, but so again are thunder and lightning.

Mujibar was trying to get into America legally through Immigration.

The Immigration Officer said, “Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter America.”

Mujibar said, “I am ready now sir for taking your testing.”

The officer said, “Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.”

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, “Mister Officer, I am ready.”

The Officer said, “Go ahead.”

Mujibar said, “The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, ‘yellow, this is Mujibar.'”

Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you, and works at Microsoft on the Help Desk.

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn’t get anyone to play with them.

They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn’t go to Sunday school.

So they went to the nearest church. Only the janitor was there. One said, “We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?”

“Sure,” said the janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, “Now go out and play.”

When they got outside, dripping wet, one of them asked, “What religion do you think we are?”

The oldest one said, “We’re not Katlick, because they pour the water on you. We’re not Bablist because they dunk all of you in it. We’re not Methdiss because they just sprinkle you.”

The littlest one said, “Didn’t you smell that water?”

“Yes. What do you think that means?”

“That means we’re Pisscopalians.”

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