Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets, and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made, but when the gun fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof windshield, and smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the console control, snapped the engineer’s backrest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

Horrified, the Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions. NASA’s response was just one sentence: “Defrost the chicken.”

Puns for twisted minds

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference,

He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

A backward poet writes inverse.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

In a democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.