A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a homecooked meal?”

He thought this was a great strategy, and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

“The evening was a disaster,” he moaned.

“Why, didn’t she come over?” asked his mother.

“Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook.”

In the supermarket, a man was pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing toddler.

The man kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert. Don’t scream, Albert. Don’t yell, Albert. Keep calm, Albert.”

A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe little Albert.”

The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’M Albert.”

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

A pediatrician in town always plays a game with some of his young patients to put them at ease and test their knowledge of body parts.

One day, while pointing to a little boy’s ear, the doctor asked him, “Is this your nose?”

The little boy turned to his mother and said, “Mom, I think we’d better find a new doctor!”

A college graduate applied for a job at the Central Intelligence Agency. Together with several other applicants, he was given a closed packet and told to take it to the fourth floor.

As soon as the young man was alone, he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the packet.

Inside, a message read: “You’re our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor.”

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”

“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom, I’ll show you how to do it.”