Dear Employees:

As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barack Obama is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%. But, since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead.

This has really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and I didn’t know how to choose who would have to go. So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty ‘Obama’ bumper stickers on our employees’ cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can’t think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change, so I gave it to them.

I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.

I just got off the phone with a friend who lives in North Boston. He said that since early this morning, the snow is nearly waist high … and is still falling. The temperature is dropping to near zero tonight, and the wind has been blowing near gale force. The past day, his wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

Kid to father: “Dad, are we Irish?”

Father: “Shut up and finish your whiskey.”

When little Amy came home from first grade, her grandmother asked her what she’d learned in school that day. Amy told her that she learned how to make babies.

Hesitatingly, Grandma said, “Oh? And how do you make babies?”

“You drop the ‘y’ and add ‘ies’,” replied Amy.

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, “Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that! I’m dating Susan!”

Yesterday a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.