Irreverent Jokes – Issue #109

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #109



Why men have better friends

Friendship between women: A woman didn’t come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house. The man called his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship between men: A man didn’t come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The woman called her husband’s 10 best friends, 8 of which confirmed that he had slept over, and 2 said that he was still there.

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really angry.

She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds.

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday.


Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect
customer support employee

Operator: “Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”

Operator: “What sort of trouble??”

Caller: “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”

Operator: “Went away?”

Caller: “They disappeared.”

Operator: “Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”

Caller: “Nothing.”

Operator: “Nothing?”

Caller: “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”

Operator: “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”

Caller: “How do I tell?”

Operator: “Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen?”

Caller: “What’s a sea-prompt?”

Operator: “Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?”

Caller: “There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”

Operator: “Does your monitor have a power indicator?”

Caller: “What’s a monitor?”

Operator: “It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Operator: “Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?”

Caller: “Yes, I think so.”

Operator: “Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.

Caller: “Yes, it is.”

Operator: “When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”

Caller: “No.”

Operator: “Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”

Caller: “Okay, here it is.”

Operator: “Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”

Caller: “I can’t reach.”

Operator: “OK. Well, can you see if it is?”

Caller: “No.”

Operator: “Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”

Caller: “Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle, it’s because it’s dark.”

Operator: “Dark?”

Caller: “Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.”

Operator: “Well, turn on the office light then.”

Caller: “I can’t.”

Operator: “No? Why not?”

Caller: “Because there’s a power failure.”

Operator: “A power … A power failure? Aha. Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?”

Caller: “Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”

Operator: “Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”

Caller: “Really? Is it that bad?”

Operator: “Yes, I’m afraid it is.”

Caller: “Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”

Operator: “Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer!”

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