Irreverent Jokes – Issue #121

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #121

A state policeman stopped a car full of nuns and asked the nun who was clutching the wheel if she knew how fast she was driving. She replied, “Yes, officer, I was going 20 mph.” He asked her if she knew what the speed limit was on that road and she said, “It is 20 mph, I saw a sign a little way back that said so.”

He said, “Sister, the speed limit is 65 mph, I stopped you because you were driving too slow. The sign that you saw a little way back was I-20 and that means this is Interstate 20.” She apologized and explained that they didn’t get out much and she didn’t know that. He looked in the back seat and saw three nuns, pale as ghosts, sweating and clutching the seat in front of them. He asked, “What is wrong with them?”

She replied, “I just got off of I-95.”

A group of Indians came to their chief and asked “Will it be a bad winter?” The chief, who was young, had not paid attention to the elders and did not know the signs. He told them to go start cutting firewood and he would tell them when they returned. He then snuck off and consulted the National Weather Service. He asked them, “Will it be a bad winter?”

“Probably,” was the answer.

When the men returned the chief told them it would be a bad winter and to go cut more firewood. Just to be sure, the chief called the Weather Service again and asked, “Are you sure it’s going to be a bad winter?”

“It looks like it,” was the answer.

So when the woodcutters returned he again sent them out to cut more wood. Once more he called the Weather Service and asked, “Are you really sure it’s going to be a bad winter?”

“Yes. A very bad winter,” they said.

“How do you know?” asked the chief.

“Because the Indians are cutting wood like crazy!”

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi insurgent, badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert, and as first aid was given to both men the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

“I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy was a fat, good-for-nothing, left-wing liberal drunk who doesn’t know how to drive.

“So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a mean-spirited hooker!

“He retaliated by yelling, ‘Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!’

“And there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.”

Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”

The priest says, “Is that you, Tommy?”

“Yes, Father, it is I.”

“Who was the woman you were with?”

“I cannot tell you, for I do not wish to sully her reputation.”

The priest asks, “Was it Brenda O’Malley?”

“No, Father.”

“Was it Fiona MacDonald?”

“No, Father.”

“Was it Ann Brown?”

“No, Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest says, “I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys.”

Tommy goes back to his pew and his buddy, Sean, slides over and asks, “What happened?”

Tommy replies, “I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys, and three good leads.”

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