A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him. “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “ What do they say?” the priest inquired. They say, “Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?” “That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. “You know,” he said, “I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.” “Thank you,” the woman responded, “this may very well be the solution.” The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: “Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?” There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, “Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!”

Joe’s Last Will and Testament provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. “Well, I’m sure Joe would be pleased,” she said. “I’m sure you’re right,” replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. “How much did this really cost?” “All of it,” said Helen, “Thirty-thousand dollars.” “No!” Jody exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?” Helen answered, “The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food, and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone.” Jody computed quickly, “$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?” “Two and a half carats.”

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White house from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he had been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton.” The Marine replied, “Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn’t reside here.” The old man said, “okay,” and walked off. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine. “I would like to go in the White house and meet President Hillary Clinton.” The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn’t reside here.” The man thanked him and again walked away. The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying, “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton.” The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said , “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I’ve told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn’t reside here. Don’t you understand?” The old man answered, “Oh I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer...” The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow...”

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