issue 148 – humor – jokes

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #148


• How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

• Venison for dinner again? Oh, deer!

• A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

• Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a type-O.

• I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

• When chemists die, they barium.

• PMS jokes aren’t funny…period

• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

• We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

• I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

• Broken pencils are pointless.

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her pupils put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling, and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on.

By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.”

She looked, and sure enough, they were.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.

He then announced, “These aren’t my boots.”

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, “Why didn’t you say so?” like she wanted to.

Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they got the boots off when he said, “They’re my brother’s boots. But my Mom made me wear ’em today.”

She didn’t know if she should laugh or cry, but she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots back onto his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, “Now, where are your mittens?”

He said, “I stuffed ’em in the toes of my boots.”

She’ll be eligible for parole in three years.

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