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BHM Newsletter
October 23, 2008
INSIDE BHMThe Jan/Feb issue We're planning an important publication for the Jan/Feb issue that will be as good or better than our Special Preparedness Issue No. 111, which was the biggest seller in our 18-year history. As we did with #111, we'll be adding 16 extra pages to contain all the valuable information. We can't share more details yet, but it's an issue you will not want to miss. Subscribers should begin receiving it by mid-December and it will appear on newsstands about two weeks later. Because we expect it will sell off newsstands as quickly as did the Special Preparedness Issue — 3 to 4 days — to ensure you get a copy, now might be a good time to subscribe, or, with the holidays coming, to drop some hints to your significant other. A new anthology!
We've finally produced another Backwoods Home Magazine Anthology — Anthology Number 14. It will be announced and offered for sale in the next issue of the magazine. The printer tells us 5,000 copies will be delivered to our Oregon office in the next week or two, so we thought we'd give our Newsletter subscribers the opportunity to preorder at an 18% discount and be among the first to receive it when the shipment arrives. Here's the deal: Click Here to visit the special order page. Add the 14th Year Anthology to your shopping cart. When it is time to check out, enter the special code AN14NL in the box where it says "Enter Coupon Code # here." Click the ENTER button and the cart will subtract $4.00 from your order. Here's the fine print: You may order other items, too, but the order MUST contain at least one copy of the 14th Year Anthology in order to receive the discount. Only one $4.00 discount per order. This offer may not be combined with any other offer or discount, however named. This offer will expire upon publication of the next Newsletter. SELF-RELIANCE TIPSHomemade for the HolidaysAlthough our humor section and recipes this month celebrate events of autumn, you know that winter -- with its gift-giving holidays -- is just a few raindrops and snowflakes away. Independent backwoodsians are used to creating their own presents. We expect that this year, with the plummeting economy and many folks cutting up their credit cards, a lot of others will join us in our handcrafting. This month's Self-Reliance Tips explore some clever ways to augment the usual jams, jellies, baskets, and birdhouses. We've linked to 15 of the most interesting gift projects we found on the Internet. Some require considerable skill and shop tools. Others are suitable even for children to do at the kitchen table. Stretch your creativity and please your loved ones by "thinking out of the Christmas box" this year. 1. A Christmas snow globe. You remember those glass globes on Grandma's mantelpiece. Shake them gently and watch the "snow" fall on a village or a snowman. Well, a simple one is quite easy to make out of an ordinary jar and some craft-store materials. (The instructions behind that link say to use glycerine as the liquid; mineral oil is an acceptable substitute and it's both easier to find and less expensive.) 2. Wholesome homemade dog biscuits. Because Fido is family, too. 3. Stepping stones for the garden. Now this is a truly unique and enduring gift. Casting your own stepping stones takes some doing, but your designs can be infinitely personalized and will remind your friends of your love in every season. 4. Scented gel candles. Easier than old-fashioned candlemaking, gel candles require only a pretty jar (which you might have snagged during summer's garage sales), good temperature control, and supplies readily available from a craft store or online candlemaking supply shop. 5. Go fly a kite! Or at least spend some of those cold winter hours building a kite that you and your children can fly when kite season comes 'round again. You can get wonderfully creative with papers and shapes once you've got the principles down. While visiting this site, don't miss the link (near the top of the page) to Ben Franklin's original kite-building instructions and all the other good Franklin links. 6. A simple doll's house. If you've priced manufactured doll houses, you'll know the appeal of making your own. The plan shown here is a primitive one intended to be constructed by a child out of a couple of cardboard boxes. But a clever mom, dad, or granpa with the same materials and a little time could make something really beautiful.
7. A country-primitive wall hanging. Here's another project that can be about as simple or complex, as crude or as elegant, as you have the skills to make it. Gathering the vines during these crisp fall days makes this project fun even before you sit down to work on it. Use your imagination -- and your leftover scraps -- to embellish it. 8. Custom coupons. Are you still at a loss about what to give that person who has everything? Or has your family decreed that all gifts will be non-monetary this year? Well, here's your solution: printable coupons redeemable for everything from "One Free Hug" to a week's worth of dishwashing. The ready-designed coupons on this site offer a number of choices (breakfast in bed, washing the car, even control of the TV remote). But we'll bet you can think of others, and with even simple graphical skills and a word processor, you can do your own coupons. 9. A scoop of hugs & kisses. How simple can it get? Candy wrapped up in a laundry scoop! 10. A survival kit. No, we're not talking about a grab-and-go bag for emergencies (though that could make a great gift for the right person, too). In this case a survival kit is a few ordinary, inexpensive objects, cleverly labeled -- a toothpick, an eraser, a candle, and more. The link takes you to a "Mother's Survival Kit." But with nothing more than stuff found around the house, you could get a big warm laugh from the recipient of a "Home Remodeling Survival Kit," a "Cabin Fever Survival Kit," a "Divorce Survival Kit," a "New Job Survival Kit" -- or whatever. 11. A colorful kaleidoscope. Here's one of those projects that takes some skill and tools. But any adult could manage it, and with a little help from an adult, so could any teenager. Here are three links: Basic, bare-bones instructions here. And how-to videos here and here. To do this well, you should use special "front surface" mirrors designed for scientific-optical uses. But ordinary household mirror glass or even stiff mirrored plastic will do for starters. 12. Silly putty. Sure you can buy it. But what a hoot to make it at home. (The PVA glue called for in the instructions is plain old household glue, aka school glue, Elmer's glue, or carpenters glue.)
14. Bath salts. Encourage your overworked female friends to relax and enjoy a soak in a hot tub. They'll think of you whenever they use these fragrant bath salts. (Maybe you'll want to make enough to keep some around for yourself, too.) The link has four recipes. 15. Edible mixes in a jar. Follow the links on the left side of that page and you'll find recipes for cookie mixes, drink mixes, bread mixes, soup mixes and more. Combine all the dry ingredients for these mixes in an attractive jar, hang the recipe on a tag or print it on a label, and your friends will think of you as they prepare their own homemade goodies from your makings -- bringing the circle of homemade gifts to a pleasant completion. RECIPESComfort FoodsOne thing you can say about autumn. Even if we miss summer's sun and dread the cabin-fever days ahead, it's comfortable to be in the kitchen again. And often, as the days shorten and the hours of home-heating lengthen, our thoughts turn to good old comfort foods. You know the ones. The foods like Mom made. Or maybe Grandma or Great-Grandma made. The ones that warm both body and heart. The foods we crave despite all the cries of health-proclaimers and diet gurus. And really, some of those good old comfort foods aren't bad for us at all. So take comfort in that as we go back in time and back into our warm, cozy kitchens... Cottage Cheese Salad2 cups cottage cheese
Mix cottage cheese and sour cream lightly with a fork. Add cucumber and chives. Season to taste and mound onto lettuce-lined chilled salad plates and garnish with parsley or watercress. Quick Chicken Soup1 cup water
Combine the first seven ingredients in a large kettle and boil until carrots begin to become tender. Add chicken and partially cooked rice. Simmer 10 more minutes and serve. You may use egg noodles (uncooked) instead of partially cooked rice. Serves 4. New England Clam Chowder
2 teaspoons vegetable oil
Heat oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add bacon and cook until crispy, 4 to 6 minutes. Transfer half of the cooked bacon to a paper-towel-lined plate. Add onion, celery and thyme to the pan; cook, stirring, until onions begin to soften, about 2 minutes. Add potato, clam juice and bay leaf. Bring to a simmer, cover and cook until the vegetables are just tender, 8 to 10 minutes. Whisk milk, cream, flour and salt in a medium bowl. Add to the pan and return to a simmer, stirring, over medium-high heat. Cook, stirring, until thickened, about 2 minutes. Add clams and cook, stirring occasionally, until the clams are just cooked through, about 3 minutes more. Discard bay leaf. Ladle into bowls and top each serving with some of the reserved bacon and scallions. Serves 6. Potato DumplingsThis variation on potato dumplings is also called knedliky and is from Bohemia. By themselves, potato dumplings are fairly bland. They're best when served with those other comfort foods -- butter, gravy, sour cream and chives, or scrambled eggs. 8-10 potatoes, peeled and sliced (1 dumpling = about 1 potato)
Boil lightly salted water in a shallow skillet or pot (you may require two pots). Grate the potatoes and squeeze as much water as possible out of them. Place them into a food processor or blender and liquify. Pour into a bowl. Mix in salt, baking powder, and one cup of flour. Continue to add flour until a spoonful of the mix slowly and gently slides off the spoon. Take a scoop of mixture and set in hot water letting it sit until it easily falls off the spoon. Repeat with the rest. Turn the heat to medium and cook for 25 min, stirring often. Remove dumplings and serve with the topping of your choice. Bacon Beans and Hot Dogs5 slices uncooked thick bacon, diced (can use more)
Set oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a 2-quart casserole dish. Cook the bacon with onions until bacon is browned and onions are golden. Add garlic and saute for 2 minutes; drain and place into a large bowl. Add the baked beans, molasses, prepared mustard, mustard powder, seasoned salt, tomatoes and brown sugar (start with 1/2 cup and add in more to taste) mix well to combine. Add hot dogs. Transfer to prepared casserole dish. Bake uncovered for 1 hour and 15 minutes or until thickened and bubbly. Claire's Best-in-the-World Beef Stew1 pound stew beef
In a large kettle, brown beef in oil, sprinkling lightly with salt, pepper, and garlic powder as you turn the meat. Add ample water to cover. Add onion, 1/2 tablespoon of worcestershire sauce, 1 tablespoon of Kitchen Bouquet, and 1/2 cup wine. Cover and let simmer for at least two hours, checking periodically to make sure amount of water is sufficient. When beef is tender, add more water (enough to cover the vegetables you are about to toss into the pot). Add celery, carrots, potatoes, basil, parsley, bay leaves, and 1/2 tablespoon of worcestershire sauce, 1 tablespoon of Kitchen Bouquet, and the final 1/2 cup wine. Cook for approximately one hour. About 10 minutes before the stew is done, taste the broth and the potatoes. Add salt until the taste suits you (usually about 1 teaspoon). Discard bay leaves. Serve with biscuits or a hearty bread. Note: If you prefer a more dense broth, you may thicken with corn starch shortly before serving. Serves 6. Dill-Sauced MeatloafFor meatloaf:
For sauce:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Mix all meatloaf ingredients and shape into a loaf. Combine sauce ingredients and pour over meatloaf. Bake approximately 1 hour, basting occasionally with the sauce. Classic Chocolate CakeFor cake:
For frosting:
Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a 3-inch-tall cake tin non-stick paper or grease and flour the tin to prevent sticking. Melt 8 ounces of chocolate pieces with butter over hot water. Beat together eggs and sugar. Mix in flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, and vanilla extract. Then slowly fold in the butter-chocolate mix and the sour cream. Bake until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Set cake aside to cool. For frosting: Heat the cream in a sauce pan, stirring constantly. Do not boil. When hot enough to melt chocolate pieces, remove from heat, add 9 ounces of chocolate pieces, stir until smooth, and let it cool until in thickens. Frost the cake and chill to harden frosting. Remove from fridge 1/2 hour before serving and serve at room temperature. Banana Pudding1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed (not evaporated) milk
Combine sweetened condensed milk and water in a large mixing bowl. Add pudding mix and beat on medium speed for 3 minutes. Refrigerate pudding mixture for 15 minutes. Whip heavy cream to stiff peaks. Fold whipped cream into chilled pudding mixture until combined. Spread 1/2 cup of pudding around the bottom of a 3-quart bowl and top with one-third of the vanilla wafers, followed by one-third of the bananas and one-third of the remaining pudding. Continue layers, finishing with pudding on top. Sprinkle with crushed vanilla wafer crumbs. Chill at least 4 hours before serving. Serves 8 to 10. Apple Pandowdy1 cup brown sugar, packed
In a saucepan, mix sugar, 1/4 cup flour, and 1/4 teaspoon salt. Stir in vinegar and water; cook over low heat until thick; set aside. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Sift 1 cup flour, baking powder and 3/4 teaspoons salt into medium bowl. Cut in shortening with two knives until the doughy granules are the size of peas; add milk; stir until moistened but lumpy. Arrange apples in a well greased 12x8x2-inch dish. To your prepared sauce add cinnamon, nutmeg, lemon juice , vanilla and butter. Pour over apples. Drop dough on top of apples. Bake 40 minutes or until topping is browned. Serve warm, with cream, sour cream or whipped cream. Serves 6. HUMORHalloween RiddlesQ: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Q: How do you make a witch stew? Q: How do ghosts begin their letters? Q: What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist? Q: What do you call a person who puts rat poison in a person's Corn Flakes? Q: How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern? Q: What is a ghost's favorite ride? Q: Why are there fences around cemeteries? Q: Why was the mummy so tense? Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best? Q: How do you know if a ghost is lying? Q: How is a werewolf like a computer? Q: Where do vampires live? Q: Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? Q: Where do ghosts go on vacation? Q: How can you tell when a window is scared? Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party? Two Living FoolsTwo men were walking home after a night in the tavern and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery to get to their homes quicker. In the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Good gracious, Sir," one of them said after catching his breath,"You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!" Trick or Treat!
A Bloody TaleThree vampires walk into a bar. The waitress comes up to them and asks them what they'll have. The first vampire says in a Transylvanian accent, "I'll have some O Positive, straight up." The second vampire says, "Give me a mug of AB Negative." The third vampire says, "I'm the designated driver. I'll just have a glass of plasma." The waitress turns toward the bartender and yells, "Gimme two bloods and one blood lite!" Bats in Your BelfryThree pastors were having lunch in a coffee shop. One said "Boy, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away." The second agreed. "Me, too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry. I've even had the place fumigated and they won't go away." Then both men turned to the third pastor, who had been quietly listening to the conversation. "Didn't you have a similar problem?" they asked. "I did," said the third man. "But not any more." "What on earth did you do?" his companions chorused. "I baptized all mine and made them members of the church. They haven't been back since!" "Halloween Rules"When it appears that you have killed the monster, never, ever check to see if it's really dead. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house - move away immediately. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out. When you have the benefit of numbers, never go off on your own when monsters are on the loose. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's NOT just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life. If the appliances start operating by themselves, move out. Do not take anything from the dead -- particularly magical rings, amulets, or mysterious scraps of parchment. If you find a town that looks deserted, trust us; it's for a reason. Stay away. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice (more if you are of the female persuasion). Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch you. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to that nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions. The Last TripWARNING: This Halloween cartoon video contains images
... and more Halloween RiddlesQ: What happens when a ghost gets lost in a fog? Q: What sailors like to be chilled to the bone? Q: Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? Q: Where did the goblin throw the football? Q: What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? Q: What do you call a witch who lives by the sea? Q: What did the baby ghost eat for dinner? Q: What do you get when you cross a were-wolf with a drip-dry suit? Q: What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost? Q: Who does a ghoul fall in love with? Q: What is a vampires favourite mode of transportation? Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula? Q: What kind of hot dogs do werewolves like best? Q: What do you call serious rocks? OTHER STUFFDid a friend or relative tell you about this newsletter? The Backwoods Home Magazine newsletter is free and all you need is an email address so we can let you know when each issue is published and where it can be found. Even better, we sometimes have special offers and discounts that are available only to BHM Newsletter subscribers. Your email address will never be sold, rented, loaned, given, or otherwise provided to any third party. Just visit the BHM web site at www.backwoodshome.com and click on "Newsletter" in the navigation menu on the left side of any web page. Contact Info: Editor/Letters - Dave Duffy, editor@backwoodshome.com
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