The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment had been to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: “I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly. “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civic spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

“Very good,” said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: “I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”

“Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn:

The teacher held her breath…

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said.

“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”

“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.

“Toothbrushes!” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a dip & chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.

They all said the same thing, ‘Hey, this tastes like dog crap!’

Then I would say, ‘It is. Wanna buy a toothbrush?’ See, I used the governmental approach of giving you crap for free, and then making you pay to get the taste out of your mouth.”

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.

I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other jerk using my stuff.”

She looked at me and said, “What makes you think I’d marry another jerk?”

A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. He was driving his partner nuts, as he looked up, looked down, measured the distance, figured the wind direction and speed. Finally, his exasperated partner said, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!”

The guy answered, “My wife’s up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”

His partner mumbled, “Forget it, man, you’ll never hit her from here!”

After 50 years of marriage the couple was sitting at the dinner table and the wife said to her husband, “After all these years of marriage I know that you are Tried and True.”

He replied, “What did you say?”

She said in a louder voice, “After all these years of marriage I have learned that you are Tried and True.”

He said, “Speak louder!”

She said in a louder voice, “After all these years of marriage I have learned that you are Tried and True.”

He replied loudly, “Well, I’m tired of you, too!!”