From Issue #160
A man walks into a flower shop and says, "I’d like some flowers, please."
"Certainly, Sir," says the clerk. "What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs, "Well, I’m not sure… I uh… I uh… I uh…"
The clerk says, "Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice."
Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: "Ladies and gentlemen, I’m so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don’t know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."
When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight."
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available.
Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a lookout spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt."
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt and while wearing the bright frock he led his mates into battle and defeated the pirates.
Later on, the lookout again spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again howled for his red shirt and once again vanquished the pirates.
That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day’s triumphs and one of them asked the captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"
The captain replied, "If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood, and thus, you men will continue to resist, unafraid."
All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout once again spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The rank and file all stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply. Captain Bravo calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants!"
My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god.
I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.
Whether the weather be cold,
Or whether the weather be hot,
Whatever the weather,
We’ll weather the weather,
Whether we like it or not.