Irreverent Jokes – Issue #91

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #91

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, “Please, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me.”

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn’t realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

To which the driver replied, “I’m sorry, it’s really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.”

The blonde and the brunette worked for a female boss who left early almost every day. One day, the brunette said, “Let’s take the rest of the day off when she leaves. She never comes back to check on us.”

So, right after the boss left, the blonde and the brunette took off. The brunette spent the afternoon shopping, going to a movie, and had the time of her life. The blonde, however, decided to go home. But when she entered her house, she heard a noise coming from the bedroom. Tiptoeing to the door she peeked in and there was her boss in bed with her husband.

The blonde tiptoed out of the house and returned to the office.

The next day the brunette said, “Hey, when she leaves early, let’s take off again, today.”

“No way,” the blonde said. “I did that yesterday and I almost got caught.”

Grumbled the new groom at dinner:

“Why can’t you make bread like my mother does?”

Answered his bride,

“Why can’t you make dough like my father does?”

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned…couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef. I figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory. I tried, but I just didn’t fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, but there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.


Comments are closed.